Not exactly answering your question but I've never coloured my hair (partly because it's very dark making such things tricky) but hairdressers regularly say to me: 'I bet you've never coloured your hair' etc. Apparently they can tell because it's in very good condition and colouring your hair has a bad effect on it. Just a thought - I don't think I'd ever change the colour now!

I'm sure that having a PhD has a mixed effect depending on job, employer and even interviewer. However, if asked point-blank like that I would recommend you tell them: people may employ a PhD but I can't imagine many would employ someone they thought lied at interview.

On the subject of working fast, in writing my statement for upgrade my supervisor told me to make a schedule of exactly how I'm going to spend the rest of my funded time (I'm 3.5 months into my second year). She said it could be fictional but obviously I really want to try and finish within the 3 years if at all possible. Actually writing everything out though proved absolutely terrifying! I can just fit it all in hypothetically it seems but my third year will be crazy! I can possibly buy myself a bit more time by getting lots done next term and in the summer, but this term I'm lecturing (I've only taught seminars in the past) so that's going to add pressure. I'm trying not to feel panicked... :$

Thanks all - I will now feel justified leaving it for a bit. I shall have a look again on Friday! I hope it will not then prove to be as terrible as I fear. I'll also try and convince my other half to have a look (although I'm not sure he'll be up for all 25 pages). Now I have to decide whether to stop for the day or get on with one of the many other things on my list... Sometimes I wish I had a job that stopped with snow!

I'm trying to work on a second draft of a chapter which I'll be submitting on Monday or so for upgrade. I'm not trying to do a complete overhaul but my supervisor wants it to be more punchy and confident, making every word count, and has suggested I re-read it, decide what it is I'm trying to say and then say it. The trouble is I've been looking at this thing every day and now I can't think of it looking any way other than how it does. I've changed lots of little bits and clarified some things but the majority I just can't seem to rethink at all. Any recommendations on how to distance myself from it? I find it easy to see what's wrong with something when I return to it after a few weeks, but not a few hours. Sadly I don't have a few weeks... :$

For me upgrade (ie. confirming me on a PhD rather than an MPhil) has to be done by the 'middle of the second year', by which they mean 15th January... Not far away! I have to submit a 10,000 word chapter and supporting documents on my plans and how I see my work as an original contribution to scholarship, plus my supervisors have to supply a report. Not looking forward to the final 10 days. It seems to vary between institutions though, and its seriousness certainly seems to vary in different places.

I'm in the process of redrafting my upgrade chapter for submission in the next fortnight. It's supposed to be 'around 10,000 words' but even leaving some bits out I can't see it being under 12,000 (perhaps slightly more). I've emailed to ask my supervisor although she doesn't tend to be much good on this sort of question! I don't think the regulations or anything will stop me handing it at a longer length (it's all pretty vague) but I was wondering if it will look bad if it's too long, like I can't be concise or something. :-(

The influence of Enid Blyton on me was that I wanted to be a writer and illustrate my own books - both of these are still interests and at least I get to write of a sort! Then I decided I wanted to be a teacher (mid-teens) which changed to going into business (late-teens) via a short and truly terrible plan to join the army. Within a couple of terms of university though I realized the PhD was definitely for me. My biggest regret though is having chosen Classics not English as I love literature but could really do without the language element! A decision at 16 which may change the rest of my life, since I want to teach (whether at school or university) so will likely always be principally bound to classics unless I retrain, which seems a huge undertaking after all these years of classical education!

My things to do next year...

- UPGRADE! Has to be done by mid January... Everything else PhD related rather hangs on this!
- complete a draft of my two close-text chapters on themes and structure
- get married!
- successfully give my first non-postgrad paper
- get something published
- not quit my PhD in despair! :p

Snowing here! All very pretty and snug from inside with a hot chocolate and furry slippers but I'm rethinking my plan of going up to London this afternoon...! Just thought I'd point out that rather than be repulsed by marmite being a recycled waste product I think it's great that such a thing has another use rather than being thrown away! Also, it's excellent added to a thick stew.

I note that nobody's mentioned Bovril in this great debate: is it too old-fashioned? Much loved by my granny! :-)

I don't mind marmite - I'll take it or leave it really - but it appears that's not an option any more...

At the end of my first year (well, academic year) I duly said in my end of year report that I would be on track for 3 years although I actually had no idea and still don't. However, the reaction from the director of grad studies was utter bafflement, as though no one had ever suggested such a thing before, and several people have talked about what I'll do in the department to fund my fourth year. So I guess it's not looking hopeful! I'd like to prove them wrong though, but not to the extent of selling my soul!

I'm in! I'm in the second year of a classics PhD (hopefully, if I ever get my upgrade chapter finished!!).

If you have been trying to work this all out for 4 years - which many people wouldn't - I think you probably already know the decision to make. In my opinion a relationship in which somebody has lied repeatedly like this, especially where one party has been unfaithful, is almost impossible to salvage since trust is essential and so very hard to rebuild. Plus it doesn't sound like you want to rebuild it. I recommend you start by imagining your life without him - including the hard bits like the financial change - and decide whether it still seems better than what you have now. Are you just angry and frustrated, in which case is it possible you can get through this, or are you waking up to the reality that what you have is going nowhere. It is possible, if not ideal, to do a PhD while doing enough work to pay your way, but you'll probably need to look at getting a room somewhere (halls or shared house) to keep your costs down, or even better moving in with friends or family for a while.

I would say my main piece of advice though is to talk things over with him. Without communication there will be no chance of salvaging anything, plus I think it would be helpful for you to explain to him how you feel: tell him you find it difficult to trust because of his previous lies and that you need reassurances from him that you're not getting, that you find it hard to reconcile yourself to the fact that he was watching porn before, that you find it hard to work in a house that's such a state etc. But balance it by asking how he feels about you and whether you can do anything to help things back on track. You may be left feeling that you are right and there is nothing left for you here, in which case you shouldn't stay just for financial reasons. Or you may find out that you both have concerns but you want to have a final shot at working through them. I admire you for trying to work things out for this long - when I found out my ex-husband had been cheating and lying about it when we were supposed to be trying to work things out, I simply left him a phone message that told him not to come back. Whatever you do, don't be embarrassed about what you're feeling - you don't deserve what's happened to you and you must do what's best for you now. Best of luck.

Congratulations - so nice to hear good news on here! :-)