Thanks all of you. Raising these issues here and with friends and supervisor (whom I told yesterday) has actually been very enlightening. Today's interview didn't go anywhere because they decided they only wanted someone part time, yet I actually felt relieved to have such an easy decision, since it all felt somehow wrong anyway. I suddenly feel like maybe I should be ploughing on - people have made me realize that although the loneliness and unrewarding feedback is still a problem, my primary problem is one specific aspect of my work and should therefore be surmountable. Of course, none of this means it actually will be possible to keep going, but I'm suddenly not convinced that I'm quite ready to walk away. One of the profs I knew from my MA and BA suggested that the problem lies with my supervisor and/or department and I think this may be something I need to consider too. I'm not sure I'm getting as much support as I need and maybe now that the problems are out in the open it will get easier, and if not maybe I should consider moving. As you probably realize I'm very very much stuck between two minds on this one, but just talking about it has really helped me start thinking things over more clearly. Thanks!

That's a horrendous time to wait. I was anorexic when I was younger and have also suffered depression in the past so I have some idea what you're going through. One thing to say is well done on trying to help yourself - that's a huge step. Remember that what you have is an illness and can be treated but you need to try to take the first steps to help yourself. You should try any resources available at the university. Also, have you read up on your illness? You may be able to find some self-help methods you could try. With regard to taking a break, there is a theory that completely relocating yourself (mentally and probably physically) and getting on with a totally different life may kickstart recovery. I very nearly left school to go and live temporarily with friends on a farm in NZ, although in the end I decided to help myself in other ways. For me I had to realize what it was that had led me to an ED, mainly to do with maintaining control in my life when lots of other things felt out of control, and start to understand that I was really ill and not in control at all. One thing to advise is even if you can't break the habits of the eating disorder on your own - and it is very very hard - try to stay as healthy as possible. I contracted viral meningitis as a direct result of having knocked out my immune system through anorexia, and even that wasn't quite a wake up call. You've realized your problem so continue to try and help yourself as best you can and make sure other people help you too. Finally, don't be ashamed - mental illness is surrounded by this requirement to be ashamed, but at the end of the day you are ill, you will get better, and you need help to do it. I really hope you pull through.

I share your feelings, but I don't think I even have any answers for myself! I suppose you need to consider your options - if you downgrade will you get your MPhil done ok and what will you then move on to do? Is there something that you want instead of the academic career and if so what will best prepare you for it? And if you go part time in what way will it help you? Will it benefit your lifestyle and how will it affect your work? Would it just add pressure or would the variety help? I'm sure these are questions you've already asked yourself but I hope it's helpful to have a few ideas reiterated. Good luck.

I'm at the end of my first year and having real doubts. I don't think I want an academic career - I'm pretty sure I want to teach in a school - and although aspects of my work I still love, other aspects have really been getting me down. Mainly I hate the loneliness and the constant reassessment of what I'm doing without any positive feedback. Plus I feel after one year I have little to show and am still short on essential skills. Recently I decided I'd explore leaving the PhD to get a teaching job, saw a recruitment agency yesterday and tomorrow have an interview for a job! Unfortunately though I'm still torn - part of me wants to go ahead and leave for the security and lifestyle of normal work, not to mention leaving behind the parts of the PhD I hate, but there's also part that says I'm good at what I'm doing now, this is the best chance I'll ever have to do it and the grass is always greener. I wouldn't go part time because at the moment I'm in the optimum situation of being full time and funded so I can't see that I'd get any more done if I were doing two things in my life. Of course the chances are I won't get this job tomorrow and will have more time to think through my options. Part of me thinks that I should plough on with the PhD knowing that I can only do this now but the teaching career can come later, but the other part knows that I'm really going to struggle to get through the next two years (plus!) feeling like I do now. I haven't mentioned things to my supervisor as such (she's known about concerns but I've never used the word 'quit') but now I'll have to as I need a reference from her. Any advice on how to progress?

I'll be teaching this semester too and I'm the same age and year as you. I advise not revealing your age (just in case it causes issues with those undergrads who took two gap years and so are practically your age) but otherwise just remember that you know lots about your subject and try to be confident and enjoy the experience.

I work from home but am likewise about an hour from the university and also a hour from London where I use the library. I go into at least one of those once a week and usually both but the rest of the time I work here. The problem for me is definitely more procrastination options (although that's primarily the internet which I have when I work in the library too!) but I find as long as I keep normal working days and make sure I have all the relevant materials here for each things I need to do (requiring an element of forward planning that I might not need if I were closer to the library) I get enough done. Only problem for me is a lack of space as I don't have a dedicated work room, just a desk in the bedroom, and I'm a bit conscious of how my paper spreads across the rest of the flat. My fiancé manages to do the same with his sheet music though so I suppose we're balanced in that respect! I hope it works out for you - I'm envious of the cottage!

I would suggest that you do this one in person and go in with an open mind. Arrange a meeting with your supervisor and say it's to discuss your concerns but don't outline them all in an email as then you lose the advantage of being able to have a constructive discussion without either of you having preconceived ideas. Go and do this as soon as possible to stop it hanging over you and to keep your options open.

I would get away from this guy if you can! That's totally unconstructive behaviour and if you're having doubts anyway won't help you think clearly about what you want to do next. Do you not have a secondary supervisor you can discuss the situation and your work with for something more productive? I think you need to get someone else on board and if there's an option of a change of supervisor I would strongly suggest you consider it. Good luck.

Hi Algaequeen, so sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm not in quite the same boat as I live with my fiancé and near-ish my family, but I have found the transition to the solitary life of the PhD quite tough. I really miss everyone where I used to live (although I know that it's all changed there too) and the feeling of having friends around, especially since I live quite a way from my university and seldom see people there. Before this however I was doing the long-distance relationship thing and that was getting pretty bad so I'm glad I chose the PhD with him rather than staying at my previous university or going to the other possible institution for my subject which would have meant hardly ever seeing him. The nicest people I've met here have been friends of friends so might be worth finding out if you have any links through existing friends to new people in the area. I'm sorry I don't have any magic answers. I assume yours isn't something you can do from a distance so you're stuck with the tough decision between your relationship and your work and that's horrible. I hope you manage to resolve things.

Hard as it may seem, you've made your decision now between these universities so will probably be better off focussing on what you are going to do rather than how things might have been different. There will be positive sides to the course you've chosen, not least the support of your department and the security of the funding, so focus on that. Also, give yourself a bit of time to relax and enjoy the last of the summer rather than worrying about the start of the term and your project. You're bound to feel better if you start things refreshed. If it really turns out that this isn't for you then you can work out what you want to do about it then, but I don't think that you can make that call until you've started. When I started my PhD parts of it turned out to be just as I'd expected but lots of things were different from the picture in my head. I suggest you take a break for the rest of the holiday, start the term and then see how it goes. Good luck.

This sounds horrible and to be knocked back just as you'd picked yourself up must be the worst. However, you've clearly thought through what you're doing and why so hang on to those thoughts and don't let one person's insensitivity destroy your positive progress. You knew the things they'd told you already and were coping with them, however tricky the time pressures, so try not to panic just because they've been rammed down your throat in this horrible way. It might be better for you to have some official time out to deal with your exhaustion and feelings of depression and get some proper help. On the other hand, you sound like someone who might benefit by pushing on through for the feeling of success you'll get when it's done. Let the anger pass - it will - and you'll be able to think more clearly about what you're doing, plus use the support you're getting from your supervisors plus any other resources from university or your doctor which will help you through this. Remember what that positive feeling felt like last week: you can get back there and will. Good luck.

Florence, so sorry to hear you're going through this rough patch but please do take the excellent advice below. Take things a step at a time and try not to panic - you will be able to get back on track but not until you've dealt with the underlying problems that have brought you to this point. You will be able to catch up the time but it sounds like you should be considering taking some official time out until you've seen a doctor or counsellor and started making some progress with your own well-being. Put yourself first, and the PhD will follow in due course. Best of luck.

This sounds horrible but I get the impression that in spite of all you've been through there are people who believe in you and want you to get through this. They also believe you CAN although it will also feel like you're being forced through OTT preparation. They just want you to be prepared for anything thrown at you. It sounds like you need to find a way of believing in yourself. You don't sound like you really want to walk away, only that you want this horrible hurdle to go away. You've said yourself that you are a good student with lots to stay for. Now you need to find a way of showing that to everyone else - giving up will prove the people on the original panel who have driven you to this point right. You don't believe they are, neither do your supervisors and now you need to prove it. The advice below is good - use everything available to you at the university particularly. I'm sure you can get through this. Good luck.

This sounds horrendous but there should be procedures in place to help you deal with it. I'd take it as high as possible and let as many appropriate people as you can know about this, but also you need to go through the complaints procedure as set out by your department/faculty, probably starting with the director of grad studies or equivalent. I think most Student Unions have people who can help you through procedures like this and getting your side heard so you might want to try that too. I thought it was a requirement of most universities that everybody have a secondary supervisor - I'm surprised you can get on the system without having one at least nominally - so you might want to use that as a starting point. Good luck.

Much as it is impossible to predict, there's a good chance of prices falling further - especially after the next election - so in due course your (v. impressive!) £200k may be enough for property in your area. In the meantime, I was chatting to a friend who is a broker recently about the difficulties of this situation and I would definitely suggest that as the way to go. Take care about whether they work by fee or commission though...