I'm so stressed out, when I wake up in the morning and the panic sets in I don't want to stay awake. So I pop another sleeping pill to black myself out again, because when I'm asleep it's like an escape. I can easily stay in bed all day and all night; it's an avoidance tactic. Even when I am awake, I can't seem to get anything done. I'm panicky and stressed the whole time, and the more unproductive I am, the more stressed I become.

I realise that I need to actually get out of bed in the morning, stop taking pills to black me out all day, and get some work done. I just can't deal with this panic and nausea and stress. I need to set myself some small goals and get things moving, and I will come over to the goal thread as you suggested :)

Tomorrow is the submission date for my current draft of the thesis; the actual review isn't until next week. I've broken down my lit review into a list of subsections, sorted out the references for each one, done some reading... but I'm still struggling with the actual writing and ticking things off.

I will be honest and tell them I've hit a big sticking block, but the advice is always just "Knuckle down and write it". Don't they think I'd do that if I could?! That is, if they don't just kick me out immediately because I'm such a retard :-(

I'm struggling to write my PhD thesis. I'm procrastinating, getting stressed out, and taking sleeping pills so I can black out and forget the fear and panic. Lately I'm not very productive most days, and I keep thinking that no employer would stand for such a low work output, the only reason I get away with it is because I'm a student.

I'm really worried about whether I could handle a full time job, given that I can't even write my thesis, let alone do a proper job. This is creating intense stress, because I'm really worried about the rest of my life - I'm quite obviously some sort of lazy retard who is incapable of knuckling down to work, and if I can't write my thesis how on earth will I handle a job?

I feel like my whole life is pointless - writing the thesis is pointless, because I clearly won't be able to get a job afterwards. I mean, who am I kidding? I'm incapable of even writing something, let alone working for a living.

The problem is, I haven't been working! I've been absent for a year with clinical depression; I've been back at university for a few weeks and I'm still struggling to get back in the swing of things. I would prefer to work on multiple chapters at once, but my supervisor has forbidden it, saying that my only priority must be this lit review. But it's too difficult to focus just on that and nothing else... I can't write the lit review, and I'm forbidden to write anything else, so I end up writing nothing. It doesn't help my motivation when it's implied that I'll be crucified at the annual review for not having written this chapter :-(

I think I'm going to have to break it up into little bits, as you said, then link the short sections together later on. That is, if I survive the annual review. Can they kick me out when my registration still has another six months to run? I forgot to mention that this is supposed to be my last review and I only have six months left :-(

The one thing I do know is that panic is counter-productive. Ha, I wish I could take my own advice!

I am in the same boat as you - time is running out, I need to write something, and the thought of writing it literally gives me a panic attack. It seems like too big of a task, the time available is too short, and I'm so panicky that I'm literally blacking myself out with sleeping pills so I can forget about it and just slip into oblivion. My brain refuses to work, and I feel like a failure.

I guess what you need to do is the same as what I need to do: Focus only on today, and not on the future. The fear comes from worrying about how you'll get all of the work done in the time you have, and it paralyses you and prevents you from dong anything. So pick one little bit, which is achievable in a day, and forget about the rest. It's difficult to blank your mind, but forget about completing the entire piece of work and focus only on the small task you chose for today. After a few days, you'll have completed a few small tasks; your motivation will increase and your fear will decrease because you'll see some progress.

I think the problem is that our minds aren't wired to cope with huge lengthy tasks spanning months; the human brain requires small daily tasks and achievable goals, so we panic when faced with huge tasks. I think the trick is going to be breaking it down into small pieces, writing each small piece, then re-evaluating the whole and pulling it all together. Think of it like a journey; you need to take a small step every day while trying not to worry about the destination. I wish you luck (and myself!).

Thanks for the replies. I am still struggling to write my literature review, and it's due to be completed tomorrow. They are going to crucify me at this annual review; I have no idea what they will do to me. I haven't got the nerve to contemplate something like suicide, but that's honestly how I feel :(

I had a plan approved - I didn't stick to it. I could pick up my thesis and work on a different chapter without any problems, but I simply cannot do this literature review. I struggle even to pick it up and look at it without having a huge panic attack; typically I stare at it for a few hours, try to read something, faily to write something constructive, give up and go into avoidance mode. The more I feel panicked and worried, the harder it is to pick it up, and the more I just want to blank it all out. The feeling of panic makes it seem all too easy to just take a sleeping pill and black myself out so I don't think about it any more. I am spending a ridiculous amount of time in bed, and it's an avoidance tactic to deal with the panic.

I have no idea how to move forward from this point - I guess I'll have to start by contacting my supervisor and asking her for advice on how to approach the annual review when I haven't completed the literature review :-( Then, if I survive that, I'll have to come up with some strategy for writing the thing.

I'm having similar problems. My supervisor is melodramatic and tells me my work is shocking, inadequate, I'm going to be kicked out, etc. Needless to say, this does not motivate me, it just stresses me out... and I don't think it's really true either, otherwise I would have been kicked out by now!

I am trying to focus on the useful feedback and use it to redraft my work, while trying to ignore the more melodramatic statements and not feel bad and stressed. Perhaps your supervisor doesn't understand how much of a negative effect unconstructive criticism can have - the aim is probably to motivate you, but it's having the opposite effect and is just making you worry. Try to focus on the positive feedback you receive and ignore the rest.

In my opinion you should give up on this guy; he clearly isn't interested enough to make it worth your while to pursue him. If he isn't clearly saying Yes, you have to assume it's a No, and just let it go. Don't allow him to string you along; you teach other people how to treat you by whether you put up with their crap or not, and what you're teaching this guy is that he can string you along and you'll still be available whenever he wants you. Tell him to get stuffed; there are plenty of equally great guys who won't mess you about.

Here is my situation:
I had some personal problems and was absent from university with clinical depression for a year. I felt like my supervisor was ignoring me, like she was annoyed with me for not getting work done, and I was stressed about the lack of support. I guess she was frustrated because she had given me feedback and couldn't do anything else other than wait for me to get on top of things.

I am now back at university, and I am still struggling to write. I don't think I am depressed any more, I am still not completely happy but I'm much better. I have a new second supervisor, and both supervisors are being supportive. My major stumbling block is the literature review, I simply cannot write it. If I could write it, I would be well on my way to completion.

The literature review is what I was struggling with before I began suffering with depression, I guess I associate it with all my problems. I had a reasonable draft of it and my PhD was based on that, but my supervisor has restructured it and deleted huge swathes which are apparently now irrelevant to the focus of my work, and only 25% of my original writing remains. So I have 75% to write, and it is a huge daunting task. I have spent time working on it, only to have huge number of words crossed out by my supervisor, I have made what I thought was a good effort and have been berated because it isn't good enough. So now I feel like I'm just wasting my time, I feel inadequate and stupid and incapable of writing it, and my supervisor will delete a lot of the stuff I'm wasting my time writing anyway. Not to mention it's very slow going, and there is immense time pressure so working on something that proceeds so slowly actually makes me feel panicky.

When I look at my literature review, I feel nauseated and stressed. It seems like this huge task, this barrier which I cannot surmount. I don't feel like this when working on any other chapter, other chapters seem achievable, but not this one. I've been avoiding it and working on other chapters, but I have my annual review in ten days time and they'll kill me if this literature review isn't in place, this is making me feel even more panicky.

I really don't know what to do, I have to get past this mental block somehow and write the literature review. I actually feel afraid of it, afraid of being unable to get it right, afraid of the panic and stress I feel while working on it, afraid of that nauseated feeling when my supervisor criticises my best efforts and crosses out the words which I tried so hard to write. If anyone has any advice about how to get past this mental block and deal with my panic and stress, it would be much appreciated.

Thanks for the supportive replies. I tried emailing my supervisor one more time, saying I hope she receives my email and isn't absent or anything, and if I don't receive a reply I'll contact the dean to check that she isn't off sick or something. She replied almost immediately! Which proves that she WAS receiving my emails, she was just ignoring them :-(

She completely ignored everything I wrote about my work and wanting her to read drafts etc, and in relation to me hoping for an extension or returning part-time she just said "Jane is the admin person in charge of research students; you will need to contact her and will probably have to complete some paperwork". So I contacted the admin lady and I'm still waiting for a reply, but now I feel even more like my supervisor is just washing her hands of me and doing the bare minimum.

I can't get a new supervisor because nobody else is close enough to my specific field to be able to advise me; it's a small department and the only other suitable person is the second supervisor who left. My remaining supervisor said that with mere months remaining on my PhD they wouldn't allocate me a new supervisor, particularly because there's nobody else who's suitable, so unfortunately we're stuck with each other for the duration. I imagine that my remaining supervisor is now in charge of the research group, since it was composed of only two professors (one of whom left), five research students (three of whom graduated before the other professor left, leaving myself and another girl being supervised by the remaining professor), and a few part-time researchers. The most I would get is a second token supervisor from another research group, which might help a bit, I don't know.

My doctor explained that the modern approach to counselling emphasises that discussing the patient's problems just encourages them to think/worry about them more, and the patient needs to STOP the cycle of thinking about their problems and use fresh air/sleep/exercise/drugs to address the chemical imbalances causing the depression. I agree that doing these things is a positive step, but I can't see how it could completely fix the problem if the patient is still worrying over the same issues and perpetuating the cycle of depression. I think there needs to also be something like CBT to help the patient think about their problems in a more positive way, and to help them take positive steps to fix those problems.

I asked my doctor for some proper treatment, maybe CBT, and she refused - she said that in her opinion my depression would lift once the university gave me an extension and I got some of the thesis completed etc, because I'd be less worried, and therefore she was declining all treatment unless my symptoms still persist after all that stuff is sorted out. I'm seriously considering seeing a different doctor, because I've been depressed for almost two years now (absent from university for one year) and she's still refusing proper treatment and saying my depression will just lift of its own accord!

I guess it just makes me feel worse because my supervisor is ignoring me. I feel like she hates me and is sick of me being depressed and not getting on with work. I can understand why she would be frustrated with my lack of progress, but I feel abandoned and lost because she's ignoring me, like she's punishing me for having been depressed. I also feel worried because I can't finish the thesis without her help, and she's ignoring me, so I'm terrified that I'm just going to be kicked out and not finish because nobody is prepared to help me.

My second supervisor (who left) was the head of department and of student liasons, so I don't know who else to contact. Plus my remaining supervisor would hate me even more if I went above her and got her into trouble for ignoring me. I was trying to get on with work, but my supervisor's hatred and lack of help has made me all worried again and I can't sleep; I'm having nightmares every time I close my eyes. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow in the hope that she can write me a letter and support me in approaching the university for an extension.

Do you think it's a good strategy to contact my supervisor again and ask her to assist me in approaching the university re. coming back part-time and getting an extension or whatever? And tell her what my doctor says, etc? (Previously I approached her re. the work I was finally getting on with, and she ignored me). If she ignores that email too, I'll have to try to contact someone else in the department - maybe call reception and find out who is the new student liason person, and contact them.

This whole lack of support from my supervisor and the university is really getting to me, because I'm struggling to begin with, and this just makes it all seem hopeless. :-(

My counsellor wasn't a university counsellor, she was arranged by my doctor. I wanted to talk to her about all the things that were bothering me and find some way of dealing with them so I wasn't having panic attacks and nightmares, but she said my reasons for being depressed were irrelevant and I should forget about them and put them behind me. She advocated sleeping regular hours, getting exercise and fresh air, eating properly, and getting on with the thesis. While I can see the value of trying to do those things, it completely ignores the problem that I am UNABLE to do them because I am depressed... that's why I was sent to her in the first place, because I was UNABLE to sleep or eat or focus on anything. If I could just "snap out of it" and suddenly start sleeping and eating and working, I wouldn't have needed counselling!

So what happened was, she told me to do those things and I was unable to do them because I'm depressed, so she told me off at every counselling session and I felt worse. It made me feel worthless because I COULDN'T snap out of it and just get on with things like she told me to; she was saying I just had to forget about everything that was depressing me, and I couldn't, so I felt like it was all my fault because I couldn't just forget my problems like she seemed to think I should be able to. Then she made me bring my thesis and list what work I was going to attempt that week, then the next week when I hadn't done the work (due to depression etc) she would berate me. It was as bad as seeing my supervisor, and it just made me feel worse, so I stopped going to see her.

Thanks for the kind words everyone. A fortnight has now passed and my supervisor hasn't responded to my repeated emails. My second supervisor has left the university without even a goodbye and I haven't been allocated a new one. It's one month until I'm due back at university and I'm panicking because I have so much thesis work still to do - I'm terrified that they'll kick me out, or simply won't allow me extra time to catch up on the time I lost before I was absent with depression. I feel like my supervisor hates me because he's just completely ignoring me. So although I was trying to get back on track and cope with depression, I'm now finding myself feeling panicky and struggling to do anything again.

I've made an appointment to see my doctor, to discuss how she thinks I should go about getting back to work. I'm hoping she will help me write a letter to the university, saying I should ease into it slowly by going back part-time, and maybe she can help me with extra therapy or something. Did I mention that I already had counselling from a woman who refused to talk about my problems, saying I had to just put them behind me, get some fresh air and eat better, and get back to work? She even made me bring my thesis into her office, and then repeatedly berated me about my lack of progress at every "therapy" session - it was worse than seeing my supervisor, so I stopped going.

Now I'm experiencing angst about the pointlessness of the whole thing - I spent all these years studying and being broke, and virtually drove myself insane, just to get a crappy £25k lecturing job and MAYBE £38k if I work myself into the ground? Why oh why didn't I just become a dentist or something, save myself the hassle and make huge amounts of cash? I feel like the biggest retard for even wasting my time doing a PhD in the first place :-(

I posted a few months ago about a difficult situation: Basically my fiance cheated and abandoned me, and I lost our home and mutual friends because of this, I had to move into a grotty place all alone and I was completely isolated, I felt like I was too old to rebuild my entire life and I became extremely depressed, and I got behind with thesis writing. The university and my supervisor piled on the pressure, and I had to extend my PhD at my own expense. I have no income now my funding has expired, and I'm completely broke so I can hardly afford to eat. I just cracked under the strain, and I've been suspended from university for almost 12 months with clinical depression.

I posted back in September when I was trying to pull myself together, but it's only in the last few weeks that I started to feel significantly better and get on with things, it's still hard but at least I'm making some progress now. Part of that is because I started forcing myself to go out, I joined an am-dram group and I started dating a really nice guy who is trying to help me with thesis writing - he actually took time off work to help with my data analysis :)

Now my problem is this: I'm due back at university (suspension ended) on March 1st, and my submission date is May 15th, I'm terrified they'll say I haven't got enough time to complete due to getting behind before I was suspended, and they'll kick me out. Previously my supervisor was supportive, but I feel like she just got sick of me not progressing due to depression and has washed her hands of me, she's hasn't responded to any of my recent emails and hasn't seen me since June 2009. I can sort of understand, because I've been struggling and not making significant progress for 18 months now, and I guess she just got sick of me :( My other supervisor left, so I only have one supervisor now, and she obviously hates me :'(

I don't see how I can complete without her support, or how I can complete in the little time I have left anyway. My supervisor said they won't approve an additional extension - but I haven't had an extension, I had a suspension, which isn't the same! I'm hoping that due to the nature of my absence they can be persuaded to let me come back part-time instead of full-time, which would extend the number of weeks remaining, and would also mean that I won't be dropped head-first into the final few weeks of my PhD, which I simply cannot cope with.

I just feel like everyone hates me for having been depressed and not being able to keep up with work (especially my supervisor), I hate myself for wasting so much time with depression and now not having time to complete, I feel panicky and nauseated, and the depression is returning because I'm so worried about it all. Can anyone please offer any constructive advice? :'(

Thanks people. My supervisor has had a few meetings with me since I've been absent, but he's always met me in a coffee shop in town, because he said I'd get into trouble if I was seen on campus when I was supposed to be off sick. So I just assumed that was the rule or something. Maybe I will try to contact a counsellor at the university. I'm going to see my doctor again too, to ask yet again if there's any other treatment or support I could get. Apart from that, the only thing I can do is try to work on the thesis, because that's the only thing I actually have control of at the moment.