I struggled with depression for almost a year before my doctor accepted it wasn't going away and agreed to support an application for a PhD suspension and refer me for counselling. Being referred took four months, so I only received treatment for the last three months. If you could call a one-hour session per month treatment! The counsellor sees it like this: Lisa is depressed and can't write her thesis, so I need to push her to write it. I asked if we could talk about WHY I'm depressed, and she said no - why I'm depressed makes no difference now because it's in the past, what I need to do is forget it and get on with writing the thesis and moving on with my life. So all she does at every session is ask me if I've written anything and berate me for not doing it, then tell me I have to write something by the next session, and give me goals etc that I already know I won't achieve. Then I feel bad at every session for not having achieved those writing goals she set last time. I don't want to talk about the thesis, I want to talk about my life and my fiance and how sad I feel - I want to talk about WHY I feel depressed, and figure out how to fix it, but it seems that even the counsellor isn't interested :-(

I can't change counsellors because the doctor said she's the only counsellor who handles patients in this village. He also said that my current treatment is the best he can offer, he can't offer me weekly sessions or CBT or anything like that, I assume for budget reasons. I can't see the uni counsellor because I'm not allowed on campus while I'm officially suspended and off sick with depression - my supervisor said I'd get into big trouble if I was seen on campus while I was supposed to be off sick. I feel like I'm screaming for help and nobody's even listening - the doctor won't help, the counsellor won't help, and my so-called friends haven't even called me since my fiance kicked me out last year. I'm completely isolated - I have no transport to travel into town in the evening, and I can't afford to go out or go to the gym or a class or whatever - I'm living on savings and I couldn't even afford food if my Mum didn't occasionally send me money. My only option is to finish the PhD, get a job and earn money, then move away and get on with my life, so the PhD is like this huge barrier to me getting on with my life, and I'm trapped here until it's finished. The more time passes without me finishing, the more worthless I feel, and more scared of never finishing.

I guess all I can do is try to move forward a little at a time, and try to start writing something. I'm really grateful for the support I've received on this board - you people have listened more than my doctor and counsellor combined. Thank you :)

Thanks for the responses.

My supervisor knows about my depression - he helped me to complete the suspension forms. To begin with he was supportive and tried to help, but I feel like for the past 6 months he's just washed his hands of me. He's like: If Lisa sends me work I'll read it, but I'm not going to bother her any more, because she never does anything I ask her anyway. He barely replies to my emails now, and I can understand it - he gave me guidance on what to write, commented on my work so far, and there's nothing else he can do beyond wait for me to pull myself together and do what he asked me to. I feel terrible though, like I've let him down. He's just frustrated and fed up with me now, as is everyone else. My second supervisor has never been very helpful, and he left the university last month anyway.

My doctor won't give me medication because he says there's nothing wrong with my brain to need medication - I have a legitimate reason for my depression and sorting that reason out will fix the depression without medication. He referred me for counselling, but it isn't very helpful. The counsellor just says forget about what happened and get on with writing the thesis and move on. I want to talk about what happened and figure out why I feel this way, but she doesn't think that analysing my feelings will help, she thinks I should just accept my situation and try to move forward. She's basically saying I should just get over it, which doesn't help at all. In any case, I only get to see her once a month for an hour.

I literally have nobody since my ex dumped me - he kicked me out of his house and none of our friends (who were really his friends) talk to me any more. I'm living in my parents' house rent-free because they're away, so I'm miles out of town with no transport and can't afford to move, and the only people I ever see are my aunt and uncle who live nearby. As I said, I'm living on savings now and I'm too broke to go out anyway, I can barely afford to eat. This supportive friend of mine works in another country and I don't get to see him so often, but he's always there for me, every evening when I'm lonely he talks to me and plays games with me online etc. I feel guilty that I can't love him as much as I loved my ex, because he's a wonderful guy and he truly adores me. Oh, and I have a dog too - she's the only thing that gets me out of bed every day.

Anyway, I got up today and I actually opened the curtains and let some light in, got dressed in proper clothes (not filthy hoody and tracksuit bottoms) and put some makeup on, then I took my dog for a walk. I'm going to force myself to look at the thesis later, though I have a panic attack every time I do so. I'm so scared they're going to refuse to extend my suspension and kick me out, I'm so scared of failing and of having allowed my ex to ruin my life, that even looking at the thesis terrifies me. I can't imagine a life beyond the PhD that doesn't have my ex in it, and I have no idea how things will work out, but I guess the first step is to focus on writing the thesis.

I was supposed to finish my PhD 18 months ago, before my life fell apart and I was diagnosed with depression. I lost my home, my fiance cheated and dumped me, our mutual friends stopped speaking to me, no wonder I became depressed and isolated. First I extended the PhD, then I applied for a suspension because it was the only way to get extra time, and I still didn't get on with the work. I just sat at home in the dark with the curtains shut and cried and saw nobody, I couldn't sleep or eat and I lost 2 stone in weight.

My suspension has ended and I've applied to extend it, but I'm so scared they won't approve any extra time, and I'll have wasted the 5 years I worked on the PhD. Even if the extension is approved, I'm scared that I'm still so depressed I can't focus on anything, and I still won't be able to write the thesis. I still struggle to get out of bed in the morning and I'm still isolated. My funding expired and I'm living on savings now, so I can't afford to go out and meet people, I can barely afford to eat. I also worry that even if I finish, I can't get a job because I'm too depressed to cope. I just feel lost without my ex, I loved him so much and I wanted to marry him and have kids, and now I have nobody and nothing, I can never replace him. There's a really nice guy who's trying to support me through all of this, and he's crazy about me - he's so nice and I feel guilty because I keep thinking he doesn't match up to my handsome intelligent ex, even though judging by his actions he's obviously a much nicer person.

I'm just so depressed and I want the thesis to be finished - wasting all my hard work and losing my dreams and amibitions because of this depression would absolutely kill me, I'd literally be suicidal. Quitting is not an option, but I don't know how to pick my thesis up again and start writing. Plus I'm crippled by the idea that I'll push myself to start working and it'll be a waste because they'll refuse my extended suspension and kick me out anyway. It's difficult to focus on work in any case when I'm so depressed and isolated and broke, and I just don't know what to do.

My supervisor told me about another student who had to look after a parent dying of cancer during his PhD, then the parent died and he was only absent for a few months - as if to say I'm being ridiculous because losing my fiance is nowhere near as bad as losing a parent, and yet I've been absent for longer than this guy was. I feel guilty enough - I wish I wasn't depressed - but I am, and I don't know how to fix it.

Please, can anyone advise me on how to move forward, and how to get on with writing my thesis? I'm about halfway through it and I don't want this depression to ruin the rest of my life. Thanks in advance.

Yep, I am also a night owl. I struggle to focus during the day, but at night I just churn out the writing - last night I worked until 3am and then made a snack and watched a movie to relax - it was getting light when I went to bed. However I do sometimes feel that I shouldn't really be awake and eating toasties while everyone else is asleep.

I think it's because I feel pressured to work during the day and it's counter-productive, whereas at night you're not really supposed to be working, so there's no pressure (and no interruptions) and therefore I achieve more when working at night.

If you're a fat person, these smock things hide a multitude of sins (hence why they're so popular in our McDonalds-eating generation). If you're not fat, why hide your figure? It is still possible to buy clothes that don't make you look like a walking tent; Next has some nice stuff.

I'm going through this too. I found that as long as I wasn't doing any work the whole thing just became increasingly stressful and daunting, but once I started doing some work I felt better about things because I was actually progressing.

Start by producing an outline plan for the thesis, chapter and section titles, think about the structure and how the argument will progress from one chapter to the next. Then plug in the bits you have already written and see what's left to be done, and tackle it one chapter at a time. You don't have to start with chapter one - if it seems easier feel free to start writing another chapter first. Focus on just getting a first draft, it doesn't have to be perfect.

Put it this way: you're not going to quit, are you? So therefore you have to write this at some point - you might as well do it now! If you're going to be depressed anyway, you can at least be a depressed person with a PhD - better than being a depressed person without a PhD :)

I'm almost finished my PhD and would like to work in the US. Assuming I start applying for academic jobs and get offered one, how long does it take to get a visa and move to the US to start work?

Are we talking about starting the job maybe 6-8 weeks after being offered it? Or would it be more like 6 months? I can't see an employer waiting 6 months for my visa to be processed!

If anyone has any idea of what type of visa I would need to apply for as a recent PhD graduate, that would be helpful too.

In our office the latest trick is to bring up porn sites on someone's computer while they're away making coffee or whatever, and laugh at their horrified reaction when they come back. Today we did it to a guy called Ahmed, but he took slightly too long making the coffee and in the meantime his supervisor dropped by and saw the "Sh** Loving W*****" website we had put on his computer screen. The look on his face was priceless, but not as priceless as the look on Ahmed's face when he came back and saw his supervisor looking at porn on his computer!

Does anyone else have any funny stories of PhD life and the antics they get up to in their office?

I'm in the 4th year of my PhD, I have 4 yrs cos they gave me an extra year's funding due to my heavy teaching commitments. My funding runs out in Sept 08. I still have some experiments to finish cos I couldn't get participants last year, I have the whole thesis to write by Sept, 2-3 research papers to finish, loads of data analysis, as well as my teaching commitments. My supervisor has told me to rewrite my literature review and double the length, this has to be done within 3-4 weeks before my final annual review, and I just can't get motivated. I still don't have any participants for the final experiments and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll get finished before the funding runs out. I just seem to have a mountain of work and time is running out, and I can't be bothered to do anything, I've sat all day and stared at my screen rather than tackling the lit review.

I've started writing my thesis, and I'm struggling with the section numbers in Word. I've created Heading 1, Heading 2 styles etc, but I dunno how to make them numbered. When I set up a numbered list and then apply the headings to it the list numbers vanish! Obviously when I apply the heading style it tells it that it's a heading, not a list. Does anyone know how to set up a list for headings, with different fonts at each level, and no indent? Or does anyone know of an online guide I can look at? Thanks.

I normally start my day with coffee and email, and I review the tasks I'm currently working on and my appointments for that day. I also try to do some smaller tasks first to get me going.

If I have a large task like you mentioned I break it up - breaking a large task up into smaller achievable bits really helps with motivation. I currently have a load of qualitative data to analyse, so I have broken it up into 30 chunks: 10 participants x 3 bits of analysis for each. I have a list of these 30 chunks, and when I complete one I tick it off my list with a MASSIVE tick and reward myself with coffee or chocolate, or even with 20 mins relaxation or reading a magazine.

Working in different places often helps too - e.g. I go to the office and do one chunk of work, have a coffee and do another chunk of work in the library, walk home and have lunch then do another chunk of work while lying on the sofa, etc.

Just thought I'd add: if your research has showed that a particular line of inquiry isn't fruitful, that's valuable too. If necessary you could explain your results and show why this line of inquiry isn't feasible, then change your approach slightly based on this information and attempt to approach the problem from a different perspective.

The best advice I can give you is to stop thinking about the ultimate goal and concentrate on achieving small goals. Break your PhD up into a list of tasks and try to start ticking some of them off the list. Wrapping up a phase of your work, or finishing a small research study, or writing a paper, or finishing a draft of your literature review - all these things will make you feel like things are moving and your goal is getting closer. Keep the overall PhD plan pinned up somewhere you can always see it, and you will see that the number of things ticked off on the plan will slowly but surely increase.

The exact same thing happened to me in my second year. I was terribly depressed, and wanted to quit the PhD because things weren't going well and the finish line still seemed a long way away. My work output reduced significantly and I ended up in a disciplinary meeting.

I realised that I was demotivated because I was working really hard but I didn't seem to be moving any closer to the finish line; in fact with all the problems I was having it seemed to be getting further away! Once I had produced a plan for my work and started getting some tasks completed I felt a lot better because I could see that things were moving forward. When I got into my third year the end was in sight and my mood and motivation improved immensely.

(cont. in next post)

Thanks so much for the advice everyone. I think my first task should be to set my alarm clock and get up at a set time, and secondly I should get dressed instead of sitting in my pyjamas all day! I'll try setting a stricter schedule for myself, I just find I am so easily distracted at the moment. You're right, I should use some sort of personal reward system, and also do some sort of social activity to break up my week (maybe some type of class). It helps just to know that I'm not the only one experiencing this :)