@Mechem_Beefy, Yes, I do think it may be good! However, I am lost, I started to get the feeling that you are judged based on your ethnicity and whatever you do you are not smart like us, it hurts. I hated academia even when I was in my home country to get masters, I was with a sloppy supervisor, my external supervisor saved me who I owe him tell know. It is so dreadful experience, you lose your social life and sometimes be boring, I do like research, but the pressure that your effort and years you have spent in the hand of the supervisor is indeed unfair, and I fed up from masters experience for the sake to find another good lab environment, however, it turned to be worst. It creepy the number of the stories I see every day, I thought I was alone, but it turned out to be a hostile place. I have witnessed a student who did rudimentary work and was allowed to defend which was questionable, and the answer they like him and he didn't do any contribution and I have been humiliated and forced to leave without any reasonable reasons, yes supervisor can sometimes get jealous, racist, don't like to see his/her students successful, this what I can guess.

What is really funny in this weird interview, that another potential PI was yawning during the interview and I was wondering how he had been in this place, it totally based on favoritism.

Thanks, Mackem_Beefy for bringing this up and so sorry for your situation as well! Harassment in all stereotypes is harmful whether in mental or physical. I am also suffering mentally and physically, I think the best thing we would need besides that the time is to be careful of the good selection for the people you are going to work with, don't accept to be a second option, trust your gut feelings. We need to learn how to select good people in our professional lives.

@MyWorld, great and I do recommend this strategy as it works perfectly, however, in the case of the OP it seems to be horrible and she must be strong enough to understand not all PI like that, and you are likely left this place to go another respectable work environment, I know it hard feelings, but you must be strong and optimistic to continue and be flexible. I wish you all the best and good luck.

I have been rejected from this position, but I do feel it good because I didn't have a nice feeling while being there. @tru, I am currently RA in a lab with a very low payment in an aloof country as I mentioned, but the tasks they assigned me is way off from the background. I agree with you that maybe I am near breaking point or already in, but to take a break, I was seeking voluntary jobs for animals, but I didn't get a reply yet. Sometimes, I had breakdowns because I didn't want to leave city where I was forced, and the strange that I do have strong feelings to return to the same country I was before that happened, I don't know, but I consider home, there are strong connections, I just want to be there again, maybe I am deluded, I wish really everything could be repaired as soon as possible.

May I know whether this is Europe or US? I am indeed anxious about the structure of PhD programs, I had also an interview and the supervisor himself dont know any thing about where the project should go or what he want. In the other side, I have witnessed some student getting a PhD and they did a creepy work. I dont know whether you can stay and get it is possible, I know some universities can waive the publication, but in the end it depends, if indeed will never work out, start looking for jobs, but dont leave unless you found something indeed interesting.

I just feel sorry that excellent students had a wrong match or fall in the trap of a bad supervisor, project that limit their skills, I dont know what could be the solution, I dont know.

Well, first of all, you have to know this is unfortunately normal for many students and including myself, and at some point, you have to navigate it to a point where you should move forward. First of all, and most seriously you are lacking self-confidence, please don't think that you are useless, you aren't, you have to believe in that and don't care about other colleagues whether they like you or not, just focus on your own, that is most important. My advice, you don't have to think about this absolutely, so I would recommend you to restore your power and calm down and make a list of things you know and what do you want to know and do, you make a checklist ( brainstorm) and see what is missing. You mentioned that there is no experiment and if this is really important, go and ask politely to your supervisor that you need to do some experiment and set possible dates and also ask him to have a meeting to make sure that both of you are in the same page.


Quitting isn't easy decision and of course, you still had no so much time, you still too early, but you need to love forward as soon as possible and be determinant to get a better understanding of what you are supposed to do.

I am so sorry for this horrible experience, is it weird that is happening in US, in my home country, I had faced this but not that extent and of course, I was bullied and of course that was annoying and stressful. You should file lodge a complaint against this animal, but now you are lucky because you resigned, I know it is hard, but you must grateful as this ended. I am also was about to commit suicide, because I was blamed and it is hard, but believe this is not the end of the world. I know people become cruel and not compassionate and it is hard, but please please don't harm yourself, maybe a therapist could help, however, when I faced being forced to resign after one year in my PhD, I sent my therapist that I am going to commit suicide and he read the message and did nothing to help me with words, I didn't have money for sessions, it killed me that at this time I have been surrounded with devils.


To sum up, you have to find a compassionate therapist that could help you and also surround yourself with people who love you, forget this incident, be grateful that you resigned, you can always find better opportunities, but you need a break to refresh again.

Please if you feel an anxious write up here and I would be happy to assist you as much as I can, wishing for you all good.

a short answer: Never give up as long as you breathe and you love something, no matter the adversity and odds you should persist. I am nearly in the same situation, however, I think what do you mention it could be quite normal as you may be still improving your routine and creative skills. The routine skills likely making your self more aware of the fundamentals of your research discipline, of course, you cannot know everything just in few years, it is a life long process and there are people who would try to undermine your confidence. I do believe that every human can achieve his/her as long as they input efforts to learn from their mistakes and improve and I think this the most important thing, try not to repeat the mistakes that you have already learned it is a mistake.

If you really did not find a niche in academia because you don't want it as life long career, however, I see there is a potential in you and that's why you have asked this question and it is a good sign that you know there are some problems in you, this is an important initial step. Then I do recommend you to have a self-reflection with your self and see what is the weakness and strength points, you can make a review for yourself each weak review your mistakes and contemplate, how I can improve and don't repeat those mistakes again, maybe you need to stress on the creative skills likely the critical and deep thinking before taking actions and do something it might be wrong, but of course we are human and even if we are perfect, we can still commit mistakes in research.

So, to sum up, you can improve and you have to deeply believe in that and the most important feature you must learn is persistence which important to learn and not give up from a niche you want it.

@sisyphus, I do agree with you, the professor expressed his interest in the presentation and the work he mentioned it was deep, but in this interview, I was expecting what I do think about X topic and so on. Actually I was anxious as he asked me what made you top student in undergraduate, I mentioned my late Mom and I was about to cry, I was very anxious and I was hearing like nothing, but in the end I answered those trivial questions like I was very stupid and dump, so I think I screwed everything up and he was looking to me in a non-good way.

About the confidence, I have to declare something makes my confidence undermined because of my previous experience, it was horrible and no one can understand the pain I was in and all types of humiliation and racism I have been exposed to. I am afraid to have the same experience, besides I see many stories of other students who had also awful experience. I got my masters, but if was exhausting mentally and physically, yes there a huge sacrifice in research and lose your social life at some point, that's why I wish to find the good place where I can restore also my social life and doing interesting research.

Today, in the lab we have a birthday, I had participated, but not so much as I feel anxious in the crowded areas. I felt very shy and that's is true, I withdraw from the party after 15 minutes and wished everyone the good.

Later, my PI informed me that he is extremely pissed off and did not like the fact that I am a very shy person. I am supposed to select a potential supervisor; the one I am interested in his work also has an aloof character. The PI ( head of the lab) informed I cannot assign two shy people to work together ( me and the prospective supervisor) as he thought we are going to fail to make a significant work.

The ugly truth is that I am an indeed shy girl for many years and I lose many social opportunities likely marriage opportunities because I don't interact so much as other girls. However, I look very confident in voluntary works, teaching and giving talks.

I know it sounds controversial however, I began to lose my self-confidence and esteem although I had a strong character.

The question: How I should react towards this?

@pm133, I am thinking so deeply about your comment while I had many constraints I wished if they could be minimized so that I can know how and when to stop because I passed the fully saturated and I afraid to go the point of nowhere, I still fight to see where I will be.

I don't know guys! I feel totally dumb and pariah after what happened I am losing my self-esteem besides I am figuring that I am mentally maybe not stable and cannot think properly, I am totally devasted. During the interview, there were many better candidates than me, I was just saying to myself, I was supposed to be in the second year, its shame on me, I don't have a strong publications record as others. In my masters, I was with a crap supervisor, I don't know whether this is continuous bad luck, I am really indeed desperate, losing confidence in myself, sometimes I need to land anything, however, I am hugely afraid to have the same experience before. Honestly, I don't know, maybe the problem in me I am targeting the wrong peoples and places maybe.

I had an interview with a well-established professor and the interview wasn't technical at all, it was about organizing classes and arranging the student schedule and professors as well. I was shocked and I know the prospective PI has interesting research. Although it was easy, I looked dumb and made mistakes, I was anxious and stopped thinking and I think by the end I wasn't successful, as their impression wasn't good although the prospective PI was extremely interested in the work I did.

The question is: I am interested to know whether this normal interview in academia, I do may know he wants to test how I think, but this was so shocking for me.

@pm133, what I have understood, is that the title on my CV research graduate student, I didnot mention any word of PhD, I get shocked when they asked you were a PHD student, maybe I have to change the title. Secondly, I dont have my ex-PI on CV as reference, there are other very good researchers as reference, however, all of sudden, I found that the interviewer searched for my name apparently, and in google search, I have on article with the ex-PI and my name also appears in the first search indicating their lab, and then maybe he found his name as the head of the lab, it is quite strange. Indeed I am confused maybe the title, maybe the article I had, I dont know, I feel my mind frozen and maybe I am the reason for all of that, I dont know.

Actually, I wrote in my CV that I was a graduate student, I was wondering how to call it, that is a question and I found some people who had the same situation like mine mentioning " graduate student". Then they ask me you were a PhD student in that place, then I tell the story in a very positive way indeed. I am figuring day after day I am lacking of personal skills, for instance when I go inside clothes shops and ask them should I return clothes or leave them in the rehearsal, they look at me as if I stole something, I get nervous and anxious for unknown reasons, it is really awkward the kind of look I had although the fact I am very very honest person, that is the same situation here, they look at me as if I hide something.


I need an explicit answer to my question: How would I call this year on my CV? and if they asked you stayed there, what you did? what I should answer.

I am sorry, I know I am not bearable and kind of stupid, but I want to get out of this mess.