Yes, I had, but I didn't get a prescription, I just went to a psychoanalyst, and because I left the country because of my ex-PI, I stopped. Actually, this is because unpleasant events in our family I have witnessed when I was young and it affected me occasionally. I hope things getting better and for sure, I will go to psychiatric again.

@pm133, thanks so much for your advice! Actually, I think one of the problems I had is bipolar disorder and OCD, and getting bad-tempered because of that mental health. Sometimes, I feel so much energetic and ambitious, I think the only solution after settling down my situation is looking for a psychiatric counsellor.

@pm133, I totally agree with you, and I dont know how to get out of this, yes I think my attitude is a bad, I am thinking I am cursed although I am very ambitious. What is the solution?

Sounds impressive, I wish I had enough courage to do that and free myself from the pain and the stress and do what I want to do. Up to the moment, I feel I am inside a cage and didn't find the place where I belong to. I wish for you the success and peace of mind for your next steps.

Follow your passion! May I ask what is your plans if you left the program as I am nearly in the same situation.

Hi,

Can you please tell us why it isn't for you and what made you take this decision, everything you mentioned seems great! Do you love research? Did you speak to your supervisor? Please list the actual thoughts you had in your mind that lead you to consider that. No one knows where the best should be, but as the answer above, three months isn't too long, so there are no worries, however, what is your alternative plans?. In any case and whatever decision you are going to take is going to the best for your life and fulfilling your goals, good luck dude!

Every day, I am figuring out that competitiveness in academia is so high. Of course, there are thousands of academician, but little who really made the impact through their outstanding research. My goal is to be prominent in my research as this was my goal since I was a young girl, I got a position as assistant lecturer at my home university which is not up to the standards and I worked with not competent professors. I travelled later, and then I found that I am not good at all and figured out that this goal is far beyond after being forced to leave my PhD by one year which is regarded as a black point in my portfolio.

I know maybe this quite off-topic, but I am now going to complete 28, and I didn't achieve what I was looking for, I am quite disappointed as when looking to female role-models' path were straight; I had some bumps in my life that made the delay. I wish I can know how to find a good lab, I wish to work with a really good professor.

The question is: How one could survive in academia beyond publications because there are thousands of crappy research and little who made a serious impact. I really passionate about learning, and exploring, I feel I am in a cage and I want to find the place where I belong, but I didn't yet, and I am afraid it is too late.

I don't agree with @Walter_Opera, your comments are very negative to the OP, you want to feel demoralized! First off, I am an assistant lecturer at my home university, I am considering leaving it as I have seen professors clueless and producing crappy research. Secondly, who told you that the second postdoc is a bad idea, I know many of my colleagues had two postdocs and even big names in my field had two postdocs, I see it is normal. I think academia now is suffering from publishing or perish, we can see every day useless bunch of researches are published, I don't agree with that philosophy.


Please be positive towards OP, that is not advice, this likely dishearten him/her, I do believe and confirm if you found a good postdoc position with a very supportive professor, you can find a job in a university, research institute, company R&D, don't lose hope and it is not necessary that some professors have established their research groups, they are successful, most of them are insane and bully where many students run away! It is really Fair enough. For the OP, you are the only one who knows what makes you happy, maybe you can make one research paper and BOM, so please make connections with really good researchers, attend conferences, it isn't about the quantity, it is by the quality of the paper.

Also another issue, while having interview, interviewers have non positive impression once you leave another lab, how you can explain?

@Cat123, I think it is important to share what are the symptoms that help us before joining to know whether this place is really toxic, actually, I am in the same situation and maybe others. How you can make sure the next lab is really positive as I am afraid to repeat the same experience.

Your story is like mine verbatim and I have the same syndromes, all I can say don't lose faith in yourself, I know it is hard, but believe in the end of the tunnel, there would be light. Of course, it is a battle between the human and demon to drag you down, you should be proud of yourself as you didn't accept to endure this asshole PI, and be sure you will be more successful, just imagine what you have mentioned continuing with toxic lab and PI which will end to the wall. First of all, you have to love yourself and always remember that you deserve the best, it like training. Congratulations, I am so happy for you that you found a fantastic PI, just when these thoughts come to your mind, think about what is good is waiting for, please try to forget the past and those negative thoughts, you must learn how to be persistent.

I would like to share an update, I am trying to relax and chill out as much as I can so that I can make a good decision, of course, this helped me a lot to think in a better way. I have found a position sounds interesting and the PI also well, however, during the interview, he was shocked to know that I was a first-year PhD and then resign. He added he wants a student who could commit, I informed him, then it wasn't me, my ex-PI wanted to stop the project. He added, that the decision is going to be through the second week of January. Should I send him again a sample of my work and that I have to manage to get two grants and publishing at top-tier conference workshop or this going to reduce my credit. To be honest, people have a bad impression for a student who resigns or quit, but I was blamed, what I should do?. Really thanks so much for your kind support which is a priceless and good companion for me.

The prof.xxx who seemed to be good and promised me to have funding for the next year, I received from his former student since three years ago this: Even more sadly, I would not recommend doing a PhD with prof xxx, at least not on xxx (topic I am interested in and passionate about). At least 3 years ago, Prof.xxx was not too involved in the research (he is mostly teaching) and did not have funding for it. He also does not have a lab just for development of the topic I am interested in. However, the topic I am interested in, he mentioned that he is going to cooperate with a very well known supervisor and very good which also this student thanked too. For irony, she thanked about the previous supervisor whom I was cooperating with and was the reason to destroy me during the previous year. I know it is a small world, but I began to be not confident. Another very good supervisor mentioned that he is running out of funding and doesn't have any positions (interns) and I just make sure from other members and that was true. I don't know how to react, or what I should, who I have to believe? there are many subtle dimensions and I am really so afraid to be again with a poor supervisor. Sorry for prolong, but your suggestion helps me a lot to see what I cannot see and I am trying to reach a sound decision.

My mind is going to blow off! I received an email from a former student of the potential good supervisor as I thought, it was shocking, she warned me to work with the other supervisor, he isnot involved in research and doesnot have funds, although he seemed to be nice and optimistic during call. According to the junior PI, he offered to reimburse the travel in their email, while they are going to book hotel on their own. Actually, I am doing my best to find alternative jobs, but there isnot. I am sorry, but I think the world is running around me, I am going to lose faith in everything.

I totally agree with you, and I am afraid of course to jump in another bad experience, however, this is going to be interview by the end of January and have to travel to the country institute for conducting the interview. One of the big concerns now is my financial situation as my contract is ending by the end of this month and I don't know whether they are going to renew it, indeed I need a vacation, but I have to financially stable, it is not easy. The other supervisor he told me he doesn't guarantee to get the fund, but he will deposit an application for me, I felt really good with another potential supervisor, however, this isn't definite. However, I agree that this junior supervisor is weird, but I will give it a try and see in him in person and see whether there are other applicants rather than me with him. Thanks again for your advice and wish for me the good luck.