Satchi you make me laugh! I totally understand though, I really hate people eating loudly especially when I am trying to work, I don't like eating in front of people unless they are eating as well so I don't really understand people eating in an office anyway. My main annoyance is people eating in seminars, there was a girl in my class who was generally annoying anyway, but always used to eat messy sandwiches in class, loudly as well...I was quite pleased when she dropped out!

I think its a very difficult thing to bring up in a serious way that would make him change his behaviour, I think you are doing the right thing by going for a walk!

Good luck Chris - it sounds like you have done brilliantly so far and you'll be fine - I know its hard but try to enjoy it as much as you can, and take care of yourself. Nxx

Aww Sneaks - having a horse is wonderful, but the very early mornings and constant lack of money aren't so fun sometimes! At least you have a lovely dog to enjoy the weather with - what breed is he/she?

It means that she is confident in your abilities and that you should continue how you can at the moment, but I would still wait for her to have a loot at your plan before you actually do anything, she'll probably look at it this week. Sounds positive though - good luck and try not to worry so much!

I'm going to admit to being a totally lazy cow today, so far today all I've done is read some more of the book that I'm supposed to be reviewing for my supervisor - informally due in after Easter. I think the warm weather has made me feel like I'm on holiday, even though I am officially on my Easter vacation. I rode the horse early this morning then took the dogs out for a long walk, like Sneaks I just want to be outside all day! Just got to go to the vets for puppy's microchip then to the stables....then I'll sit down and do something productive...definitely.

Hi KB, like others have said, I think that in your case although the topics of Alzheimers and dementia have great personal significance to you and that can make doing the research difficult (totally understandable of course), that is probably one of the main reasons why you are so motivated and doing so well with your research. I'm sure that your family are probably very proud of you for doing your research into these diseases that unfortunately affect so many people. I don't want to oversimplify things, but I think that if you are seeing a contradiction of what you are hoping to find in your research, it shows how important your research is, to me it sounds as if you are really pushing the boundaries of research into Alzheimers - I don't want that to come across something that will only benefit you in terms of your PhD and future career, but hopefully it will be able to help those suffering with Alzheimers and their families. I hope that makes sense.

I think that in most cases, everybody's research interests stem from something with personal significance - I have certainly noticed that with some of my tutors. In terms of what I am interested in, after my recent bereavement I read some of Judith Butler's (social philosopher) work on loss and mourning. It made total sense to me and helped me to think about what I was feeling. I was always going to base my MSc dissertation on her work in comparison with other theorists and psychoanalysis, but have now chosen to focus that on bereavement, as a major area...I think it will be difficult but quite cathartic for me. My proposed PhD topic has a lot of personal significance as well, it is something that I have wanted to research for a long time but now I feel I have the theoretical knowledge behind me to do it justice.

Nxx

I think I've kept myself looking quite conventional if a bit cheerleader-ish with my blonde ponytail! I can't say I agree with the list on the BBC - I can certainly think of celebrities that are far better dressed than Rihanna and Beyonce....I always think Alexa Chung and Kate Moss look fantastic though.

I've heard of that book and the author but I haven't read it - will try to get hold of it, sounds very interesting! With the MSc course I am doing (Psychosocial Studies) I am very interested in how social change affects our psyche, I do think that the increasing prevalence of depression has a lot to do with the society that we live in and the increasing pressure that we are under, if we choose to have a decent career and lifestyle.

I hope you're still feeling a bit better, take care and let me know how you are getting on, Nx

Eska - this sort of thing makes me think of Freud's 'Civilization and Its Discontents'. Basically as civilization increases and our lives become more complicated, instead of being happy that we have a bigger income, more choice, a more interesting lifestyle etc., we become more dissatisfied and depressed - Freud called it "normal human misery". It's also linked to narcissism...I won't go into all the detail here but it's very interesting! I think that we are forever trying to impress ourselves and others, we forget what is really important in life...looking after ourselves, working/studying in academia really doesn't help.

Thank you all for the replies, I really hope that some departmental studentships get advertised soon, unfortunately its quite a small department with only about 15 PhD students, which is great in terms of the supervision I would get, but not so good for funding. I'm glad though that I can be in a position where the department is more important to me than the funding. There is someone who leads the research side of the dept, she doesn't know me, so I'll email her to see if she thinks there will be any studentships going. My supervisor has said that I could have the money if it was there, but that the situation looked bleak, in his words.

I also feel a bit happier about my parents supporting, or hopefully only partially supporting my PhD. I never thought of other parents helping their kids buy houses or pay for weddings...I think I'd much rather have a PhD than an expensive wedding at the moment! I am so grateful to them for this, but I don't want to have to rely on them totally. They are so pleased that I want to do this, its really touching actually.
Thanks again, Nxx

Hi, I agree with the others, also I would try not to worry too much about the situation. As you have said, you are finding your PhD to be quite frustrating and stressful in itself, I guess he may be the nearest person to take that out on, particularly if he isn't making it easy for you in the department. You are certainly not the first PhD student to be snippy with your supervisor, although I do think you perhaps overstepped the line in this case and a simple apology is all that's needed. I'm sure he will accept it from you and then things will gradually return to normal - he'll probably respect you more for facing up to what you have done wrong.

I hope things turn out well for you, Nx

Hi Teek, I've come onto this thread so late so don't really have anything useful to add to what has already been said, I just wanted to give you my support. Having been through something similar myself, I understand how difficult it is to recognise that you have a problem and ask for help; I remember feeling so much better when I had told my GP and supervisors and they could help me. I am now on medication and am looking into having some counselling.

I really hope you start to feel more yourself in the next few weeks, and I'm sure your mojo will return!

Take care, Nxxx

Personally, I would start by adding six months on, most people seem to take more than three years to complete anyway and really an extra six months isn't a long time, if you can afford to take it. I would do that before cutting down on things you want to do anyway, the extras like teaching, conferences and publications will really boost your career so it would be a shame to cut them down. I also think they are a good thing to do as a side interest when the PhD becomes extra stressful, it probably helps to escape to a conference or teach for a few days. I would cut down on the things that could be unnecessary though, like the help you were giving the MSc students.

Even though I think your PhD sounds brilliant already, it sounds like your supervisor wants you to enhance the quality of it and what you may get out of it in terms of publications etc. by giving you more work. She probably won't be surprised that you want to take a few more months to complete, in my opinion the benefit of doing more work aside from the PhD outweighs taking longer to do it. I think the last thing she would want is for you to burn out with all the work either, try not to do too much in the time you have, you want to keep enjoying it as well.

I know I'm not at PhD level so am quite naive about the whole experience but thats just what I think, hope it helps. Nx

Thank you all for the replies, I'll try to respond to everything properly.

I guess I do have a bit of a problem with taking money from my parents sometimes. My brother is 19 and has never worked, he is in his first year at uni now but he doesn't seem to work very hard or have much motivation to make his own money. He is forever getting handouts from my parents to go out and get pissed and he needs to grow up now before its too late. I nag him to get a job but I know that if my parents start giving me handouts I will be in a similar position to him, although I will be spending mine more wisely! I know its a different situation but I don't like asking them for money. However I guess that if I had a set allowance that went into my account every month it wouldn't feel quite so bad, somehow.

Satchi - I think that my parents are thinking in a similar way, they really want to help me and it is lovely of them, but difficult to take nonetheless. They have never paid for my education before as I've always been at state/grammar schools so I guess now they know I'm totally serious about it they want to invest in my future.

Bug - when I was speaking to them I actually though of you, working so hard to pay for everything. I think you do so well and being the sort of person I am I would like to be able to do the same. But the job that I'm doing at the moment doesn't pay nearly enough, I am looking for something better. I would love to be able to pay for it all myself though, it must be so rewarding.

KB - I am actually in Psychosocial Studies, an emerging transdisciplinary area that is supposed to be at the interface between Psychology and Sociology, with influences from Philosophy. There are only a few universities in the country that have psychosocial departments so I have limited choice of where I can go, and funding is also limited although I am definitely going to go for it still. I live at home now and was going to move out after my MSc but I'd probably postpone that even further so they wouldn't be paying rent, but they would pay my tuition fees plus a small allowance. The departmental studentships are about £14000, they had three last year and it would be brilliant if they had some this year but nothing has been advertised yet.

Its useful that you and Bug both told me to keep it quiet about my parents offering to pay, I hope that my supervisors will be pleased that I want to stay and help me to secure some funding if there is any available. I think the first thing I need to do is tell them that I want to stay and do a formal application with their help, then we can think about money if they accept me. I'd much rather have funding than money from my parents, hopefully I'll end up getting by with a bit of both.

Thanks, Natassia x

I don't want to come across as a totally spoilt brat, but my parents have offered to support me through my PhD, if I don't get funding. In this economic climate there is not a lot of funding available in my field, I have decided that I want to stay where I am doing my MSc now as I love the department and it is very well suited to my research area. They don't know if they will be getting any funding yet but my prospective supervisor has said that I would have a strong chance of getting it if they did. Some of the staff members have told me that it's a shame that I'm thinking of going elsewhere when they have trained me, but that I have to go where the money is. But I know I would be so much better off where I am now, I would have excellent supervisors and I don't particularly want to leave for financial reasons.

I told my parents that I wanted to do it there, but that I would do it part time so that I could work to pay the fees and living expenses. Then they offered to support me totally so that I could do it full time, they knew I wanted to do it full time if possible but I really don't have a problem with doing it part time, they seem to have more of a problem with that than I do. It was a real surprise that they offered, we are comfortably off but they both work very hard, full time. I don't want to put them under any financial strain. If I were to do my PhD full time I would still work my Sunday shift where I am now, and try to get some work at the university, but that would probably be it.

I did question them a bit about it, but they assured me that they wanted to do it, that they couldn't think of anything more worthwhile to spend the money on. They know I have my heart set on doing a PhD and they are proud of me, but I still don't feel comfortable with taking their money for it. I have worked since I was 15 and although they help me out a bit with paying for my horse, I pay for everything else myself, I haven't had an allowance for years and I think it would be difficult to go back to that. A friend on my MSc course is totally supported by her parents and she says she feels guilty that the other students have to work and she doesn't..I told her that sometimes I am jealous of her being able to study whenever she wants but in a totally nice way, and that if I didn't have to work I really wouldn't...however I know that if my parents supported my PhD I would feel totally guilty, I feel bad even talking about it.

I just don't know what to think or do about this, and would be really grateful for some opinions. Thanks, Natassia xx