I love topics like this - interesting responses as well!

When I was younger, my real ambition was to be a doctor, when I learnt to read I was obsessed with reading about how the body worked and about illnesses - that ambition carried on until my GCSE years when I realised I was ok at biology but really not good enough at chemistry to do medicine so considered nursing/midwifery instead. I chose to do my 2 weeks work experience at a major London hospital (friend's dad is a top consultant there) and loved it, 'helped' in a variety of the departments and even got to help deliver a baby - will never forget that, still remember her birthday nearly 6 years on! But then I decided I didn't really want to be a nurse as I kind of saw that as settling for second best when I really wanted to be a doctor.

I was working as a saturday girl in a hairdressers at the time and then considered hairdressing as I really enjoyed it - got all the prospectuses for the top places to train in London but my parents insisted I went to university and got a degree, that was their plan for me. I still started my training but never progressed to cutting, can colour though! I'm a receptionist part-time in a different salon now and often think how things could have turned out differently, and I'm so glad I listened to my parents!

Didn't really know what to do at university, my A-level tutor suggested psychology as I was good at it, so thats what I did and I loved it, was so surprised to find something I was genuinely good at and interested in, now I'm hoping to do a PhD and hopefully have an academic career - nobody is more surprised than me and I can't imagine doing anything else!

If I remember correctly are you doing a Masters? I'm doing a MSc so I guess I would have a similar workload at this time of year to you, sorry if I've got it wrong and you're doing a PhD already!

I think it sounds realistic, if you're used to working to a fairly strict plan. I personally don't work in that way as I would end up using that extra week and taking longer with the writing, basically faffing around as if I have all the time in the world when I really don't! I do plan my work ahead - I have a diary where I write what I'm going to do and when but thats just so that I'm a little bit more organised with everything - I also procrastinate less when something is written down.

I would love to be able to plan what I'm going to do for the next two weeks like that, but I'd also be quite concerned if something went wrong in another area of my life and I had to abandon that plan, maybe I'm just being overly pessimistic though. But as you said, avoiding wasting time is your main priority - I think planning is a good way of doing that and ensuring everything gets done. Natassia x

Hi Paige, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. I'm going through something similar with my family but its kind of the opposite - I'm distracted from my work due to family problems and they're all on my back to get on with it, however they don't really seem able to understand how difficult it is to study effectively and produce good work when your mind is elsewhere.

You said that you were doing a full-time job and a full-time PhD - that sounds like a really huge and difficult workload that is bound to stress you out, even if you really enjoy it. Is there any way you could go part-time with either the job or the PhD so that you would have some more time to yourself?

I don't want to show any preconceptions about your stress levels, only you know them, but I would imagine that you're feeling quite stressed out about your workload - could that be influencing how you perceive your realtionships with family members; is there a possibility that you think they are demanding too much of your time because you feel so short of time anyway?

It is really difficult when they don't really understand whats involved, they probably feel a bit lost now you don't have the time for them you did before. They will just have to accept it though, and I'm sure they will eventually. Nx

Just wanted to say good luck to all of you near the end - sounds like quite an exciting time but also quite difficult and uncertain as well. You've all done brilliantly so far though, I'm just at the beginning and these posts are really inspiring to read. Nx

Thank you all for the replies, you all now have 1 extra 'helpful user' vote as I've just realised how to do it!

I am starting to see myself as someone who could study at PhD level, and I am really looking forward to starting the whole process but it is a steep learning curve.

KB - it sounds really nice to be part of a research team and to have a group of other PhD students to support you. The area I'm in is really new and still emerging really so there is a lot of work to be done - I'd imagine that other PhD students will be doing really different things to me but hopefully I'll still feel 'at home' with other PhD students. I'm much happier as a postgrad than I was as an undergrad student so hopefully I'll feel even more suited to PhD study. I think I'll be totally ready for it then after the taught MSc I'm doing now.

I think I need to see my MSc as more of a step towards my PhD, rather than totally separated from it, and inferior to it. Of course I will be reading more widely and writing at a higher level when I do my PhD, but at the moment I think there is more of a leap between UG and MSc level than between MSc and PhD - does anyone agree?

A big issue thats holding me back is that I'm applying to 2 professors from a university that rejected me at Masters level. I applying to academics involved with the MA course there, but not to those who interviewed me, I've never met them before. When I got rejected before it was a bit of a shock and my tutor could only think that it was because I was younger than most of the students they are used to teaching, rather than my ability. This university has a large proportion of mature, part time students and I think that may go against me. I am trying to forget about that experience though. It may sound silly to apply to the university again, but they are very well-respected in the field and their work sits well with what I want to do - they are an obvious choice.

Thanks again, Natassia x

I think the only reason it works is that I put it in my makeup drawer - not somewhere linked to food so for some strange reason I'm less likely to eat it when its there than when its in the kitchen - try it and see!

That sounds like a really good idea for getting sentence and paragraph structure right - will try that, thanks Cobweb!

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Before you started your PhD, how did you feel? Did you feel totally overwhelmed by the application process, inferior to those already doing a PhD, nervous about discussing your initial ideas??

I'm starting the application process (approaching supervisors) in the new year and after talking to my tutors a few months ago, still don't really feel ready even though I've been thinking about what I'd like to do and the methodology I want to use, and getting quite excited about it. But I still don't think I'm really up to scratch or even old enough (nearly 22) to start a PhD - is that normal??!

If I get given chocolate that I don't feel like eating at the time I put it in a drawer for when I really do want/need chocolate. I'm a bit of a chocoholic sometimes and that works for me - out of sight out of mind!

I think my main resolutions are to be more positive and confident in my abilities, to try to feel less anxious about everything, and to think of myself and my own goals more...that is the only way I am going to achieve them. I also need to feel less guilty for thinking about myself and my own ambition.

Academic-only ones are to worry less about what I say in seminars/presentations (stop the awful phrases "do you know what I mean?" and "does that make sense?"), and to just write rather than worry about writing!

I'm sure they'll be fine as well, however my mum isn't at all happy about me getting mitigating circumstances - she thinks I'm going to fail and that my course would be a huge waste of money. Its hurtful, but I need to remember the deep down she wants the best for me and as she hasn't studied past o-level she doesn't really know what I'm going through, I don't think she wants to know either.

I'm sure my tutors will be fine, I just want them to think that I can get through this, and to appreciate me telling them.

Christmas wasn't too bad, more emotionally draining than most but hopefully next year will be better. Hope you had a good one, hows your ankle??

Natassia x

I am doing a psychology/sociology MSc so will definitely buy this - thanks for the recommendation!

I don't know how useful I can be as I don't have trouble sleeping, despite the constant worry and stress I am under at the moment. You have my sympathy though, a friend of mine has bad insomnia and I've seen how terrible it makes her feel during the day. Have you seen your GP about it?

Christmas is a really tough time when life isn't going well as there is so much forced happiness around, it is literally everywere and there are more expectations of how you should feel and behave. Basically Christmas creates pressure and can be more stressful than enjoyable. I'm just seeing Christmas this year as a chance to have a week off work and catch up on my MSc, not very festive but thats what I'll be doing. Try not to put yourself under as much pressure to enjoy Christmas as everyone else seems to, just do exactly what you want to do, take some time out for yourself and hopefully you'll start 2010 feeling a bit better. Take care, Nx

Thank you for the replies, I really think telling them will be OK now, I probably won't fulfil anywhere near my potential otherwise, so I need to in order to help myself. I don't think I'll find it too difficult, I just don't want to burst into tears in front of him so I'll send an email - its more of a 'letting him know' thing at the moment, but as I said I might need more help in the future. If they don't know they can't help me, he may even be suspecting that something is up anyway.

I'm probably not giving my tutors the credit they deserve, due to my own insecurities about asking them for help. Its difficut as I have an amount of respect for them and the influence that they may have in the future (references etc), its like I feel like I'm under scrutiny and constantly need to give an impression of stability and capability. Thats my problem though, they are only human after all and have undoubtedly been through things like this themselves.

Thanks again, Natassia x

Thank you both for the replies, its difficult talking to family about this because all they seem to be concerned about sometimes is my ability to get a Masters and a PhD, sometimes I think they don't really understand the difficulty and emotional investment involved. Saying that though, they only want the best for me; they know how much I enjoy my course and they want me to make the most of it.

I think I will tell my main tutor, in the New Year though of course. I'm sure he'll be supportive, but as you said KB I don't like to use things like mitigating circumstances - in my UG class a lot of students made them up to get extensions etc when really they were being lazy - I know I'm not like that but using them would make me feel like I was abusing the system, its like they come with their own stigma attached.

Its difficult because I absolutely love my work and the reading I have to do takes me to another world (however cheesy that sounds!), I actually find it quite relaxing. But everything thats going on stops me from doing it, even though it would help. Its really difficult to explain, but its like a vicious circle where I seem unable to help myself. I am looking into getting some counselling as well as I think this is partly due to me not being able to experience stress properly, and generally burning out. I was on anti-depressants for anxiety a few years ago and I don't really want to take them again, however I might have to.

Thanks again for the advice, its really much appreciated. Nx