I posted on here a while ago about finding it difficult to cope with my MSc studies as a close family member was in hospital. Fortunately the situation is improving, but it is going to be a very slow process that is prone to serious setbacks, it is not predictable and therefore stressful for everyone.

I am putting on a brave face to my family as they would be upset and angry if they knew my work was suffering, and it would cause a lot of unnecessary tension. But I am finding it really difficult, its upsetting and making me feel completely hopeless as I feel the ability I had is slipping away and being wasted, because my mind just can't seem to focus any more.

I know I need to tell my tutors but don't know how to in a way that won't make me look like an emotional wreck. They all know me as I did my UG degree there last year and apparently I'm well-liked by them, I got a first so they must think I am capable, they are also going to support my PhD application next year. I've never applied for mitigating circumstances and don't intend to as that would make me feel like a failure, but I really don't think I'm going to do very well, I certainly won't get the distinction I was aiming for.

I just don't know what to do, I feel like my life has been turned upside-down, and like I'm letting everyone down as well as myself, but at the same time I feel like my tutors have to know in case I need their help in the future.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense as I'm exhausted, but any advice/moral support would really be appreciated. Natassia x

I want to have a Masters degree that I can be proud of, and by this time next year I want to have started my PhD...total daydream at the moment though! In the new year I'm going to start contacting a few potential supervisors...it feels like its all happening very quickly though, hopefully I'll be able to catch up with it!

I'm only at MSc level but have done both types of DA before and studied it this year. Personally I prefer FDA but it can work well with the Discursive Psychology method as well, is there any possibility you could combine the two? What are you researching?

I'm doing my MSc at the moment and have moved back with my parents and 19 y/o brother to save money. They're fine with understanding the work that I need to put into it, as well as holding down a p/t job, the problem I have is with privacy. I study in my bedroom which is fine, but there is so much noise in my house in the evenings sometimes, which is when I work the most. There always seems to be some sort of distraction like my stroppy brother ranting at my parents, door slamming, dogs barking etc...drives me absolutely mad. I'd love to be able to live on my own sometimes, or just being able to lock my door would be a bonus!

Thats really interesting, because I've only really been taught qualitative methods and therefore I wouldn't follow anything else. I'm also in Psychology, but sort of the opposite end to you as I focus on Sociological theory as well, basically I combine the two but its transdisciplinary rather than interdisciplinary. So the only methods I can really apply in research are qualitative, eg. discourse analysis, memory work etc. In my opinion I couldn't get the same depth using quantitative methods, but then again I am not really looking to generalise my findings. In my opinion, and I'm only at MSc level so this might not be 'right', quant and qual are as good as each other, but it depends on what you're looking at. I think its really good when they complement each other, as you're doing, because it does give another level to quant research.

At my university, if there is a negative attitude it is towards quantitative research, but that is probably juse down to the type of research that is being produced there.

Oh sorry to hear that KB, at least you're basically OK though, still sounds like a horrible experience and you're probably still getting over the shock. Like others have said, I would just do some of the more desk-based work you need to get done, also this time at your parents' house might give you a chance to reflect on what you've done and have some 'thinking time', I know that might sound a bit stupid but it can be really helpful.

Its horrible when you feel sorry for yourself and can't do much though, a few months ago I had a horse-related accident and fractured my knee, as well as nasty cuts all over my arms, I felt terrible when people used to just stare at my ams without saying anything! But like you said, it could have been a lot worse for me as well. But I hated having to rely on my parents again and I felt so useless, its lovely of them to drive you all the way to uni tomorrow though! Take care, Natassia x

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I'm not doing a PhD yet, next year hopefully but I'm doing a full time MSc this year (social sciences), I work 20 hrs a week as a receptionist in a hairdressers, and I own a horse that is on DIY livery (I am responsible for all of his care). I am really busy and to be honest frequently feel like I am burning out, but I just get on with it by reminding myself that I am very lucky to be doing something that I love and that hopefully I will be able to develop into a career. I don't get to go out with my friends as much any more and that can be a bit disappointing sometimes, but I know that my lifestyle is totally my choice so I get on with it. I am tired and poor, but in a good way if that makes sense.



I just try to be disciplined and to manage my time as best I can, but also to give myself time off. I ride my horse 5-6 days a week which is a great stress-reliever, and he is another project for me which I find really rewarding, but obviously in a totally different way to my MSc. I thrive by having multiple tasks to do, but my MSc will always come first.

Thanks so much Stressed and KB - I wasn't able to visit today but the rest of my family did and I've spoken to the nurses looking after him and they say he's doing really well and that he's getting better - we'll have more of an idea tomorrow when the doctors have reviewed him but they seem quite pleased with his progress. I'm going to see him tomorrow as well.

I think in stressful situations like this I do think of everything else I have to do, and still try and do everything, its like a coping mechanism, a way of clinging onto normality. Its not that I'm selfish (not saying that any of you have implied that), or want to forget that he is in hospital, but I don't want my studies to totally suffer as that would make the situation so much worse as my family would see that as a kind of failure, and the person in hospital wouldn't be happy about it either, he's already told me that I don't have to visit because I'm so busy anyway...its a case of finding a balance that pleases everyone, I know that if I don't go to uni that would only add to the stress levels of the situation.

I've emailed all the tutors concerned so they know where I am if I don't attend, I worry too much about the consequences of not going but its really reassuring to be told that I will be able to catch up quickly enough, I'm sure they've seen many students go through similar things anyway. Thanks again, Natassia x

Thanks for the replies, it really helps to have some honest, straight talking from people outside the situation. I think the reason I'm finding it so difficult is that my mum is going on about me failing my Masters because I overreact in situations like this, and lose my sense of perspective a bit. I know she means well, it is just her way of reacting to the situation we're in but it does put me under a lot of pressure, and I lose confidence in my ability to make the right decisions.

I'm not worried about my main tutor at all, but the professor that is taking the intensive course is quite intimidating and a few students have had problems with her. I think I'll just have to tell her on Monday whether I will be attending or not, and go from there. You're both right though, this isn't really important in the grand scheme of things, also my tutors know me quite well and I am confident that they will support me, I have no real worries there.

Thanks again, Natassia x

I'm doing my MSc full time at the moment, and working part time. My life is so busy, generally I can cope with this and my studies are going well so far, but 2 days ago a close family member was admitted to hospital, at the moment it is fairly serious but he is stable, and I can't concentrate on my work at all. I'm trying to read a few papers but its like I'm just looking at the words and nothings going in. Its difficult because my family are trying to help me and stop me from worrying but I just can't help it, and now they're concerned that I'm going to fail my Masters.

I was supposed to go into uni for a seminar yesterday but I emailed my tutor and explained, she was fine about it. I'm really worried about next week though, I'm there all day on Tuesday and Thursday, and for 1/2 days on Wednesday and Friday. I really want to go but as my uni's 60 miles away I don't want to be there if I need to get to the hospital quickly. The 1/2 days aren't so much of a problem but the other 2 days are for an intensive course (had the first 2 days last month), so I really need to be there. I'm meant to be doing a presentation on Wed but its not assessed, and I'm sure my tutor would understand.

I just don't know what to do, and I'm feeling so stressed out. The person who is in hospital doesn't want me to be missing out either, but I'll feel guilty for going unless I know for sure that he's getting better, also if I did go to uni I'd struggle to concentrate and probably end up in tears, I've been so emotional lately.

I'd love to be able to just put all my worries into a mental box and study, but I just can't. Also I'm trying to think of something to say to my tutor when I email him about this presentation on Wednesday. I just feel so useless like I can't do anything, and at my age I should be able to think a bit more clearly. Any advice would be really appreciated, Natassia x

If I start my PhD next academic year, which I hope to do, I'll be 22. I do think about the age thing, from my point of view I don't think being a bit younger will be a negative in terms of 'being ready' to do one - I've been working in a wide variety of jobs (all quite low paid but got a different experience from each of them) since I was 15, at the moment I am doing my MSc full time and working part time in a fairly responsible and managerial position - after all of this I am looking forward to doing something that will lead to a proper career (hopefully), ie. I want to start my PhD and secure funding so that I can concentrate fully on my research. I sometimes worry whether potential supervisors will think I'm too young and without much work experience behind me, but as I've been working for so long, I feel more than ready to move on to the next stage of my life. I also want to carrying on studying as I love my subject and am starting to specialise a bit now - I don't really see the point of taking any time off only to go back to it.

I'm interested to hear what others have to say on this subject.

Its difficult when people close to you don't really understand what you're doing, and the point of MSc/PhD work can be so difficult to explain as well, particularly when you're unlikely to make any major scientific breakthroughs, or anything else that they can be essentially 'proud' of you achieving, if that makes sense - they just see you slaving away for little money, without really realising what its all for.

I'm in psychology/sociology, so to an 'outsider' the point of it is quite difficult to get at, and sometimes it is to me as well - all I know is that I enjoy it and want to make a career out of it...but sometimes I do wonder about the actual point of the research, I'm never going to save any lives or make a real difference to anyone's life. To some members of my family who ask questions I just say its like being an author, but for a specific audience, and with a prospect of teaching in a university - thats all I think I can say at the moment because I don't know what direction my career is really going to go in.

I don't think your mum is being unsupportive at all, she is helping you out financially after all, she just doesn't really understand. Maybe she's nagging because she wants to see you at the next stage of your career and without the stress of your PhD hanging over you (and probably responsible in part for you feeling like this). I'm sure by the end of it, when you've passed your viva and you're Dr. Jojo, she'll be the proudest mum in the world!! Natassia x

I wouldn't worry too much about it, worrying is generally counter-productive anyway. You will have good days and bad days, I certainly do and although it really gets me down sometimes, I find the best way to get over it and to feel better is to do some reading, literature searching or little admin tasks like filing. Just anything that isn't writing. I find that after I've read a few papers I'm quite enthusiastic to write something, similarly you might be finding it difficult to write because you're not so confident with what you are writing, so research should help. I don't think your level of motivation is an issue, sounds more like a confidence thing, I know thats my problem anyway....I'm actually quite scared about starting my first MSc assignment!

Exercise should definitely help as well, also try to work out the times of day when you are most productive and stick to working more at those times, and when you feel you need a break, take one. Hope I've helped, Natassia x

Thanks for the replies - I think I probably am getting a bit bogged down but some of the theory is quite difficult to understand and demands some re-reading, but this is gradually becoming much easier. I need to 'let go' of things more easily as well, and have more confidence when I understand something that I'm not missing the point, if that makes sense.

Teek - I tried that technique of reading the last lines of paragraphs, in papers that I knew were well-written, and it worked! I still read the whole paragraph, but it seemed easier after reading the last lines.

I'm doing my MSc and still living with my parents, I don't have a separate study so work in my bedroom. I have quite a big room though so have space for a little workstation. I'm used to it really having just done my UG this way, but I don't think I'd be able to do a PhD whilst living at home, as 'quiet time' is limited. I find that I can work ok in my room as long as I'm not too tired (so no temptation to lie down for 10 mins!), and that I am working during the times when I'm most productive.

I also work quite a lot at university, I'm there 2 days a week so work in the silent areas in the library, would this be a possibility for you? Or is there a public library with a quiet area where you could go?

As others have said, keeping everything really tidy helps so you can put your work away when you finish for the day. I think whether or not you will have trouble sleeping depends on your sleeping patterns, I've never had trouble sleeping but then I don't get a lot of sleep so I'm normally exhausted by the time I go to bed!