I read it at a difficult point in time where the sensible decision did not look like going on with the PhD, but I had such an extreme reaction to the thought of not going on with it, carrying on in tears, as if something or someone had died, that I realised to not do it would be a death of a sort--the death of what I was dreaming of doing and had much so much had work and effort into...and so I had to carry on with it.

Anyway..

thanks JoJo and Smilodon for understanding!

I read a book at one point that put some perspective into my own pursuit of a PhD...maybe time to re-read? Anyway, it was by Pahleo Coheleo ( that is not exactly the author's name) called the Zahir, and there was a particular passage about how society tries to rob a person of their dreams, and most people give in to this pressure, called the 'accomodor' I think in the book, and how the challenge in living a full realised life was to get past that phase of accomodor and do your thing.

What is there to be jealous of? In some respects, little, if you look at living in a cold room in Bleak Towers, being glad to save 40p on a box of eggs, scraping up change for the luxury of a latte...etc...on the other hand, I am doing something that people do not do--that is pursue a dream, and something that is really important to me. And having the guts TO pursue it...even if it means living in Bleak Towers and having to be glad to save 40p on a box of eggs.

That must be so annoying, Smilodon! Especially given that it has got to be challenging to balance a marriage, a child, a PhD and some semblance of sanity--why don't people try to understand that this is not exactly Xanadu's stately pleasure dome!

Some people will just be ignorant, I suppose, but those are not the reactions that I care about. Other people AREN'T ignorant, and I think that there is a level of jealousy and thus a sort of venomous passive aggressive response such as the one I got.

I know I am probably being over-sensitive or over-reactive, but HELLO! How about some realisation about how much WORK this is, and how much it means to be doing this--instead of trivialising it into some kind of adult gap year? That is what irks me the most, I suppose, is the refusal to recognise what it means to be doing a PhD. I have kevetched at this relative before about this sort of thing...maybe in a few days I will let them know that I found their comments really annoying and the old rule, if they do not have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Just need to vent!! Agghhh!!!! I just got an email from a family member "back home" commenting on my recent conference ( where I gave my first paper on my PhD results so far in a venue outside of the university--so it felt like a big deal!) who only asked if the "trip" was "relaxing." Huh?!

A conference is not a holiday. Giving a paper at one is certainly not a holiday. It can be lots of things to go to a conference, but relaxing is not the word that comes to mind, and besides, what about asking how MY PAPER WENT????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

on the sale of your house, that is fantastic! I am sure that is a wonderful bit of news! It has snowed off and on where I am, but it seems to be melting, and there are odd bursts of brilliant sunshine, and then more snow and sleet and clouds.

JoJo please do not let unhelpful comments posted by an insensitive poster ( or perhaps a troll looking to disrupt this thread?!) keep you from letting us know how you are doing with things. I too get inspiration from reading your thread and knowing that I am not alone in struggling on some days more than others with this giant amount of work.

Forum Administrators--if you must make an adjustment to this thread, please just remove the posting by BB and leave the rest alone, it is important to many of us, and is important to keep it going.

I second what Jouri said. If someone does not like reading this thread, then skip it. But please do not put useless comments on it that are of no informative or supportive value.

I too work in short bursts and sporadically. People work differently. I work this way because I am a classic ENFP. I know how I work, and how to use it effectively. Guess what, I do not miss deadlines, my supervisor thinks I work hard and responsibly and is pleased with my output. What matters is the result, not the process. If you are getting a result then the process that works is the right process to use. Full stop.

a thousand words are worth a picture! ( or a graph!)

And you know what, the difference that a kind or appreciative word makes to someone, esp. someone who was a bit nervous or new to presenting--the smiles and obvious heart felt thanks pointed out to me the importance of making sure to pass along praise when it seems appropriate. There is a huge difference between criticism and constructive criticism or genuinely inquiring questions.

Actually....it made me stop and wonder why I am running down this path...it made me feel a bit more robust and sturdy, actually! I also tried to go out of my way to tell people who had given a nice paper ( esp. if a student) that I liked their paper and had found it interesting ( the generic word used to describe presentations!) and thought they had done a good job. And in a few sessions, the session chair really made the session by outstanding by leading good discussion and encouraging positive questions and responses. So I made sure to let the session leaders they had done a good job.

Wow six kids and a PhD in a really technical area! That is impressive!

How did the Dad pub trip turn out??!

I was missed!!

I was away for about three days at a conference, with very very limited internet access! Now I am hived up in my office ( oh Happy Easter long weekend) working on another conference paper!