Lovely answer W :-) Keep up the sense of humour, we PhDs lose it all too often!!

It is SO familiar to me. This unwillingness to do one's own work and ask for 'topics' out of the blue to get the degree, to pass the eligibility tests NET and SLET and then try to get a job in the city university.

And take it from me, this situation is rather familiar to me, I have seen others in the exact same spot (including same subject and country) and I was sick of it all very soon!

I reply sitting at a dark and strangish cafe in the Netherlands (!) where I'm about to present a paper tomorrow. My distraction today was a walk through a floating flower market and it made me realise that 'perspective (with social life, health and anity) is what we PhD people lack the most..

(Recently, while discussing singledom, one of my friends told me they're sure an intelligent young man is waiting for me, somewhere who is willing to handle a 'challenge'! haha... that's what a PhD is doing to me!)

Looking out now at a sunlit canal sidewalk and some carefree pigeons...

hmm...

uhmm... oh I thought people knew by now! Sorry! I am female :-) (see my avatar)

:-)

Guys,
I'm leaving early tomorrow for my first international conference presentation (Yeah!! and Oh no!!!)... am incredibly nervous, although I know 20 yrs later I,m going to look back and laugh!

Any ideas on what to wear? Complete formals is out of the question, not least because I havent any washed and ironed sets. My wardrobe has jeans, tees, some formal shirts and some formal trousers, that's all!

Help??

Bug

======= Date Modified 28 Jun 2009 20:00:20 =======
Very briefly, you are torn and upset at losing your baby. See someone who can helop you deal with that grief.

A very small example (in no way near yours). I am doing a PhD, at a considerably young age, with immense financial issues. I pay overseas tuition, and do not take a penny from home. My work is limited to 20 hrs a week, and I have given up everything I ever liked (I am not a martry, I am doing it for myself, and that's fine). But I am 24, and I do not, for instance, even *know* where the movie theatres are in London. Some find it unbelievable, I do too. It affects my health and my social life.

And here comes the BUT. Sometimes, the sheer exhaustion and fatigue makes us snap and snarl at people, misunderstand them, sulk, be difficult, get frustrated, lose a sense of perspective and humour. Usually we do this with people we are close to in and outside work but sometimes we do it with just anyone!

And i realise, that our troubles, shattering as they may be, are ways in which we often misjudge, torment, even punish others. These may be helpful people on a forum (who we misunderstand), parents (who we take for granted and blame the fastest), teachers (who we think are out to find faults and get us down) and friends (who we think never understand).

Take a step back please, and allow yourself the space/time to hurt. And in that process, do realise that this is NOT the best time to form opinions about others. It is not fair.

PS: The chocolate-rain thing is called a parallel, a metaphor, and many other things. The purpose was not to belittle your worries, and the intended result not to hurt you. it was to use a rather common parallel to explain perceived causality.

Cheers, and feel better.

======= Date Modified 28 Jun 2009 20:00:48 =======
double post! see above

======= Date Modified 28 Jun 2009 08:48:33 =======
======= Date Modified 28 Jun 2009 08:46:56 =======
Hi

Apart from the usual intellectual conflicts in a three scholar situation (supervisee-supervisor 1-supervisor 2), I do not see the problem you are facing. There are many who have supervisory teams who agree perfectly, and there are many who manage without that. It is perhaps usual that two intellectuals (especially if one is a non niche person) may disagree.

That said this does not mean that they are "extreme and bad" as you have put it! So, if there are other, clearer concerns you may wish letting us know of those.

Out of interest, is this a UK PhD? If so, perhaps also, your work needs to get some attention on the lines of grammar and phrasing. I was finding it a little difficult to comprehend some bits here above, smoothly. Others have taken offence at such a suggestion in the past, hence a clarification: It is impossible to do a UK PhD without writing a comprehensible level of grammatically correct things. You need not of course be Bernard Shaw, but I think there is a need to be able to express oneself *correctly* in the language.

So all I am saying is that part of the criticism you may be receiving for your work may be because: a) it is their task to criticize you, even when, and especially when the world outside their office says you are brilliant, and b) your work may not be meeting the legitimate standards of grammar and construction (and hence comprehensibility) expected in the UK.

I hope you do not get me wrong, (and I am not British, in case that helps!)

cheers and enjoy the lovely Sunday sun :-)

Bug

Hi,

This is a little unfair. You wrote this LONG post which was the basis for all of these thoughtful responses below. Now you delete that entire thing, remove the whole pregnancy related issue (which was the centre of it all) and make the posts below look a little stupid! A new visitor to the site/thread then sees a brief 4 point post on supervisors and a line of lengthy posts on pregnancy related viewpoints. The purpose of this site being archived is for people to glean insights from the experiences of others, and not just to offer one to one or many to one instant support. The latter is an important purpose, but not an all important one! The former is important too.

Cheers!

======= Date Modified 27 Jun 2009 10:04:41 =======
======= Date Modified 27 Jun 2009 07:07:51 =======

I feel very weird posting here for I am in no way experienced to handle any of these issues. But just some thoughts. I understand that this is an awfully debilitating experience, but perhaps description of rather graphic details as this above is an emotional knee-jerk response which you will later wish to (re)consider. Second, I do not think you real problem is how to deal with your supervisor, but how to repair the situation your life is in. The miscarriage is unfortunate and it is an idea perhaps to try and see that it does not happen again. A PhD is a tough thing to do, even with the best of supervisors, it comes with its fair share of worries and stress, and repeated pregnancies are yet more loads to add to it. To me, I would focus attention on not what the social meanings of a pregnancy are to a supervisor/team/lab, but whether you should consider paying attention to burdening yourself with pregnancies while undertaking an already demanding task (PhD) with a baby. It is not fair on you, the baby/babies and those who are there to care for you. Try thinking of pregnancies from that angle. I am not asking you to think of babies as loads, you will perhaps think they are God's gift to you, and you are entitled to your take on this, of course. Merely that you must also be fair to all around you, you yourself, and the baby.

Second, perhaps separate the issues at hand. Poor supervision, inadequate career guidance, health issues, and the combination of these leading to emotional problems. And then a cyclical thing of these all feeding into each other. Would you consider seeing a counsellor/therapist/similar to help you resolve the many threads in this? It may help you get a sense of perspective.

Finally, may I also suggest that you revisit the situation you have RIGHT now, i.e. after the miscarriage, take out the supervisor factor and try and see where else your problems lie. Maybe supervision is an important but not the only source of concern.


To end, I apologise if I sound patronising for I speak out of inexperience. I have never attempted any of the things you have undergone in your life and am in no position to offer any advice. Take care, and I wish you well.

Hmm.. I searched this thing and got to this

http://www.ehow.com/how_4478646_change-operating-system.html?ref=fuel&utm_source=yahoo&utm_medium=ssp&utm_campaign=yssp_art

it seems you can...

Hi all

I just got a DELL laptop (new) and it's come with something called ubuntu or similar (linux stuff)

I have tried it and want my WINDOWS and not linux. What should I do? Buy Windows 2007 or something and then how do I go about this?

I hate this ubuntu thingy!:-s

Please go to www.google.com and type in your queries and follow the results. Alternatively, visit the websites of universities and see what information is there for prospective students.

In other words, help yourself a little bit before asking others to "let you know".

?? :-)