======= Date Modified 23 Jul 2009 11:27:34 =======
======= Date Modified 23 Jul 2009 11:25:24 =======
Hi Persistant PhD (great name! :) )

Well done and many congratulations.

I remember that feeling oh so well, ie not believing that I would ever get this far. I nearly fainted and couldn't stop shaking when I heard the news that I won my competitive PhD studentship. I really did not think I would get it!!!

Here I am now, nearly three years on into my PhD and only a few more months to go until I'm into a (hopefully) brief extension year! Even now, I still cannot get my head around the fact that I'm still here. I'm STILL expecting my supervisors to say to me 'sorry we've made a mistake. Your just not good enough for this PhD and we've offered it someone else'. Obviously not going to happen, but I believe imposter syndrome definitely applies to me!

My advice for any newbee PhD student is to enjoy the freedom and summer before September or October starts. I didn't really have the option- I jumped from MSc to PhD with only a couple of weeks off. I didn't go away or anything- and I reallly wish I did! A PhD will grab hold onto you for at least the next three years so make the most of your freedom :) (sorry if that sounds rather depressing!). I hope you enjoy the PhD rollarcoaster of emotions :)

All the best :)

======= Date Modified 20 Jul 2009 14:45:58 =======
I'm with you on this. I have virtually no motivation at the moment :(

I'm kind of getting worried that someone here in the office is going to tap into the amount of crap stuff I'm looking at on the internet as evidence to show my real lack of motivation and degree of procrastination! :(

You've done really well though- so close to the finish if your just editing chapters!! I on the other hand am trying to get all of/most of my result chapters done by the end of July- just isn't happening at the moment!!

I'm thinking of just working away from the internet to get stuff done. I'm just really bad in my internet searches and I'm easily distracted by stuff on the internet that I want to get- ie iphone!! :S

Hello Coa,

Just to add this to the mix, I have a 2.2 and I have a very well funded PhD studentship (a CASE studentship which pays far more than a normal science PhD).

I'm at the final stages of my PhD. My PhD was a competitive studentship and I won the studentship among the remaining candidates who all had 2.1 degrees.

I also have 2 MSc degrees. I think because I had an MSc in Research Methods, this helped swing the balance in my favour. The other candidates did not have research training. That and I was VERY lucky!!

My PhD is within the social sciences, so it might be different to the enginering field.

Hope this helps!
x

Hi all,

I just wanted to say thank you to all of who've replied.

I'm feeling a little better today about it all and seem to be able to work today. I've informed my PhD supervisors of what has happended and they are very sympathetic and supportive.

I've been friends with my former 'partner' since 2000, so nearly 10 years of knowing each other to finally stopping all contact is going to be very hard. Today I'm going to try and go cold turkey and not contact him and see how it goes.

Everyday since this all happended he has been sending me messages asking how I am as well as telling me how special I am to him and how much he loves me- which is making things harder to let go. But I question as to whether if you could truly love someone you would put them through this.

I do think that perhaps so close to finishing my PhD has something to do with it , but I'm trying desperately hard not to blame my success on the ending of our relationship. In comparable terms, he has not completed an undergraduate degree, and there's me about to finish off my fourth degree and about to start a vocational doctorate, hopefully in 2010 if I'm successful. He tends to make comments about how much he would love to be in my position. I on the other hand, value the arguably more important things in life other than career/education, ie to be happy, healthy and , if lucky enough, to have a successful happy relationship with another person. At the moment, he's very focused on getting as much as he can out of his career and he doesn't feel that he can go for a career and have a successful relationship in parallel. Perhaps my success (well so far) has made him feel inferior in some way? or perhaps his pride or his ability to control me and/or relationship would be comprimised by my success (in his eyes anyway). Or maybe he felt that I should ultimately be with someone of similar attributes- ie a guy with comparable qualifications and therefore felt inadequate in someway? Over the years, I've tried desperately hard to keep the stress of my work and education out of our relationship so that it wouldn't become an issue. But for him, it just seemed to be the very issue of my future that may have made him feel uncertain.

In any case, I think it's an incredible shame. I loved (and still love) him to pieces and I would have done anything for him. He knew that I would drop it all for him and sacrafice it all for him. I was looking forward to a future together and I've remained 100% faithful to him over the years. It's now looking as if he used the love I had for him to take full advantage of it for his own benefit. If anything, he has shown me that I am capable of loving someone completely and that if I did meet someone new and they felt the same way (genuinely) then i know that I would spoil them rotten and I think it's completely his loss. I made myself completely available to him (regardless of how busy I was/am) and always gave him unconditional love and support everytime I saw him or contacted him- some may argue too much. I'm just going to focus my attentions on myself and if it happens, someone who can appreiciate me for me (if that makes sense!).

It doesn't however, make it any easier. I know that I've effectively wasted a lot of time and energy on someone who as it appears, just used me for everything he could get. I'm sure when I do cut him off (which I'm trying today) he will miss it (without sounding big headed!), if anything, he will miss the ability to control someone as much as he has done.

======= Date Modified 13 04 2009 12:04:49 =======
Hi all,

Just thought I would share this with you all fellow PhD students.

As some of you know from my previous posts, I'm coming to the end of my PhD (finish in Sept) and I've just submitted for a 6months extension.

Last week, I discovered that my partner (of what I thought of 7 years) has been using me for the past two years. He ended our relationship 2 years ago and from that point, we were together for five years. His reasons for ending it was that he felt that he would be unable to continue with a relationship and work out what he wants to do in life.

Over the last two years, and after the break up, we were pretty much together ie physical intimacy at every level, talked about babies, talked about the future together and used to occassionally refer to me as his gf, i spent LOADS of time with his family and lavished him with gifts at special occasions, we even talked about getting a flat together to rent out to students.

Anyway, last week, however, he has done a complete 180. He said that we were never in fact back together again. According to him, it's all completely in my head. He was never his boyfriend (over the last two years anyway) and he basically denied that we were in a relationship over the last two years. To him, I was just an ex who he used in any way that he could. Since last week, he still wants to continue with a physical relationship, ie to keep things open ended so to speak and not to say no to sex if it materalizes

This couldn't of come at a worst time. I've lost all of last week due to blaming myself and basically feeling like crap and an inability to concentrate. I've got so much to do for my PhD and it feels like he waited until I was completely happy with things only to let me down. I'm late in submitting a few pieces of work with my supervisors which I'm hoping to send today.

I feel like I'm completely stupid and I blame myself for thinking that things were back on track. I failed to really talk things through as I was so delighted that we were once again closer than we've ever been before that I didn't want to spoil it with him.

I seriously DO NOT want to do this PhD anymore! and I hate him for making me feel this way so close to the end.

I'm basically venting out on here to fellow PhD students, but any insight into this would be gratefully received!

As anyone got any tips on how to survive personal issues?

======= Date Modified 30 Jun 2009 10:21:16 =======
Hi Stressed 17

Just wanted to say that I'm in the same boat as you! I'm in my final year with 3 months to go til funding runs out and it's a very scary thought indeed!

I've got to cut down about 90,000 words of my literature reviews and methodology chapters by half to include my results and discussion chapters and I'm dreading it!! I'm still working on my quantitative results and will need to get cracking with my qualitative results chapter. I'm struggling to keep motivated and the onset of July tomorrow is making me slightly panicky!

I'm also late by nearly 7weeks so there is a high probablity of a potential pregnancy although I'm hoping that this late onset its all stress related as the two pregnancy tests I've taken are both negative !! (but I'm too chicken to go to the doctors) :$ The possibility of a pregnancy and coping with the final few months of a PhD would REALLY put a spanner in the works!!

Anyway, I think struggling with motivation with these last few months is totally normal.

Hey- well done!! sounds like you've got some excellent feedback and other stuff- ie money! That's pretty impressive stuff if you've had no corrections!

Happy celebrations (and you should celebrate!) I was a little unwell after my results of my upgrade- so really didn't celebrate!

I nearly burst into tears (with happiness) when my supervisor said I passed following my upgrade report(considering that I failed first time round). I'm not sure what would have happended if I failed with a 80,000 word upgrade report (with integration of all of my supervisors requests plus much more) at the end of my second year!- But I passed thats the main thing! It is such a nice feeling to be upgraded (I remember it well!).

Well done again! xxxx

======= Date Modified 15 Jun 2009 14:52:28 =======

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

I worried about this as well- I've had various pregnancy scares over the last few months- which I'm putting down to stress related issues (ie PhD) and I prepared myself for telling my supervisors about it- although I wasn't pregnant!

I spoke with my colleague about it whilst I was in my second year (and was going through the hell of upgrade submission-which played havoc with my cycles!) and she thought that if I was I would be certainly placing a cat in amongst the pigeons!! (she was at the time half way though her pregnancy and the projects leads were not so pleased that she was going to go off and have her baby during crucial timing of final data collection and analysis!). My supervisor/project lead is VERY against her staff going off and having babies in the middle of projects! (although she does have three kids of her own!!) so I guess it depends on the supervisor.

If I found out I was pregnant, I would probably tell my supervisors immediately. I've only got four months left of official time remaining (and 95% of fieldwork done, 90,000 words written- which I need to cut! etc etc) so it probably won't be much of an issue if I was to fall pregnant (My partner and I are not exactly careful! :S ) . If I was in the middle of data collection etc and nothing written, then it would probably be a whole other story!

I know a colleague of mine was finishing her part time PhD (at the beginning of my third year) and she waited for 3 months till she told anybody. She waited until she passed her viva before telling anyone (although she did have a tiny bump by three months!).

I'm sure there are people out there who've had a baby in the middle of their PhD and obtained their PhD after their baby was born, most likely by extending their registration period for 1-2 years (if full time).

Congratulations though- I'm slightly envious- I would love to have a baby (at 28 I'm getting rather broody!) lol. I hope it works out ok for you!

Hello

Just to give you an idea- I'm finishing off my PhD (I'm a full time PhD student) and I'm rather shocked by your lack of supervison!

To give you an idea of my situation, I meet with my supervisors every 1-2 months and they frequently expect me to send them regular emails of updates etc. If I don't send any feedback or emails etc they start asking why!! My supervisors also pop in now and again (ie during the week to see how I'm getting on- during my first year this used to be every 1-2 days!!!). During my supervison, I have set targets and deadlines that I have to meet before each supervison. I try to keep on the ball with this as much as I can! At the end of my supervison, I have the rather boring task of typing up my supervison notes and sending them to my supervisors (immediately after the meeting) so that they can see as to whether I've understood the content of discussion. Its a pain- but I have a record of what we discussed and can refer back to. They also expect me to send them work prior to the supervison meeting etc etc. I'm also having to keep drafting work plans and thesis plans with agreed set deadlines for bits of work- so I'm constantly trying to work towards something.

I'm also expected to attend group meetings (my PhD is linked with a bigger project) and contribute to such meetings.

I'm also expected to spend most of my time within the office. I was frequently criticised and told off by one of my supervisors for spending too much time away from the office (I used to work in the library and my study bedroom). Given this criticism, I now make sure I spend most if not all of my working time in the office.

The above level of supervison has been like this since the start of my PhD- sounds pretty scary but I'm getting things done!

Personally, I don't think I would be motivated at all if I didn't have my current supervisors. My supervisors expect results and they expect a lot from me, so I'm constantly trying to meet their expectations (which in some cases is very difficult as their very critical at times!). Each project/PhD is different however. It might just be because of the politics and resources surrounding this PhD (CASE PhD) that their like this.

If it was me, I would consider looking for other supervisors, or ask whether you could see them more often etc etc. I suspect in order to have a successful outcome, you will need to have strong supervisors who are well experienced PhD examiners and supervisors (as are mine). My supervisors regualrly mark PhD candidates work and reguarly sit as external and internal examiners. i know they've failed PhDs before and they are very experienced about what constitutes as a passable PhD. All good stuff I think in terms of my PhD- I know they won't let me submit anything until it meets their standards. I guess thats a good thing- but can be soul destroying at times!

Maybe talk to your PhD contact person or your student union for advice.

Good luck with it :)

Hello ACruz

I'm in the final stages of my PhD-- and I have a CASE studentship.

In my case, I was selected above the other applicants as I was the only candidate to have had a research methods masters from a top 5 university (I also have another MSc in an area of psychology) . I was very lucky as I was only up against 5 other candidates. If they had advertised via jobs.ac.uk for example (rather than the university website) I don't think I would have stood a chance (I have a 2.2 degree)!

Throughout my application and my interview, I wrote about my extensive skills with research methods and my research experience which happended to be very relevant to the PhD project. Prior to the interview, I read up on my supervisors publications (who were interviewing) to show that I had some awareness of their work and that I was exicted to have the potential to work with them etc etc.

The key for my application was the following; I really had to defend my weaknesses; focusing on my academic strengths (performance at my 2 MScs); focusing on my research experience (and how relevant it was to the PhD); reading up on recent relevant publications as well as my supervisors publications; discussing my skills in relation to the PhD; trying to appear committed to the PhD by talking about what they could offer me if I was selected (supervison, student perks etc etc).

I'm not sure this is of any help- but good luck with your application!

======= Date Modified 12 Jun 2009 12:20:24 =======
======= Date Modified 12 Jun 2009 12:05:58 =======
I'm really sorry to hear this has happended, Olivia. This is truly any PhD students worst nightmare- and I'm terrified that something like this might happen to me. Given my initial knockbacks due to the upgrading process (although I passed second time round with great reviews from external supervisors) I'm seriously worried that I'll be knocked back again and subsequently failing my PhD. :$

I know from the upgrading process my supervisors willl not allow me to submit anything until they think it's ready- which is why Olivia's situation is so worrying!!

I hope you've had a successful appeal Olivia?

Found some interesting papers about completion etc- I was curious to see about the stats regarding completion rates...

http://www.hefce.ac.uk/pubs/hefce/2005/05_02/

http://www.timeshighereducation.co.uk/story.asp?storyCode=310709§ioncode=26

http://www.hefce.ac.uk/pubs/hefce/2007/07_29/

======= Date Modified 03 Jun 2009 14:27:12 =======
======= Date Modified 03 Jun 2009 14:17:39 =======
Hiya-

I'm probably one of the rare exceptions, but I managed to get a fully funded PhD (a CASE studentship which is more money than the usual PhD funded studentships) at a top 30 ranking university with a 2.2 and 2 taught MScs (both with Merits).

I think you will be ok- although having studied at UCL for one of my MScs, I know at UCL (within the psychology department anyway) they mostly look for candidates with a 1st in their undergraduate degree and distinctions at masters level for funded PhDs (but your so close to the highest grade- you should be fine!)

Best of luck!

September is fast apporoaching which marks the end of my end of offical registration time.

Is anyone else in the same position as me who is also bored of their thesis?

I'm tired of doing things, working really hard on things only to be told that I've gone into too much detail or provided too much work into something (so I have to cut it down or delete it) and been told that I'll have to redo everything.

By September I would like to have a complete draft of my thesis leaving a few months for supervisors to get back to me regarding corrections etc. I'm really struggling to stay motivated today- not sure why?! i'm tired of going through these periods of motivated concentrated work to slumps where my motivation is low and I'm doing very little in terms of productive work :( (yet I force myself to work in the office everyday)

I wonder am I on my lonesome with this regard?

======= Date Modified 30 May 2009 14:06:24 =======
Hi Yellowtreble,

I too am supposed to finish in September 2009 (my registration ends then) and I'm also feeling the pressure to get everything/most of it done by then.

I have to say that when I read your post, it made me think about my own 'breakup' with a partner (of then 5 years) during my first PhD year (although we're back together now). I was a complete mess and subsequently failed my upgrade.

Although I'm pleased to say after a very short break apart from each other, that we're back together again (and I passed my upgrade) I still feel the pain from that break up. My partner ended things in 2007 as he felt that I made him feel that we we're not in a relationship. I attibuted this to my PhD study and I spent AGES blaming myself for making the decision to move to a different place (about 50miles away) to do a PhD, and my work suffered massively (ie upgrade failure). I lost loads of weight as I simply couldn't eat (2stones I think in about 3 months), I used to walk for miles and miles and I was very unhappy and tired all the time. Before PhD, we spoke about babies and marriage etc and I ended up hating myself for doing this PhD as he is incredibly important to me. I think it took about 8 months after the initial breakup before I was back to my normal self (in terms of productive work minus the sobbing!), so my PhD has suffered.

Having said that, through that break up, we both know where we stand and he knows how much he means to me. I think he questioned how I felt about him etc etc. But I did wonder why he seemed to resent my education (I'm finishing my fourth degree). He also continues to be incredibly supportive (and values my PhD more than I do!), but at the time, I did wonder whether he had some level of confidence crisis in himself because he doesnt have a degree. I wondered whether he felt that I needed to find someone else who has similar educational attirbutes (PhD etc) but he couldn't be more wrong! I think he needed to see how desperately upset I was when he decided to end it as some kind of sign as to how much he means to me (sounds cruel now if that is the reason!). We've been together now for nearly 7 years (although I've known him for nearly 10 years) and we're looking forward to stuff after my PhD (which I'm soo looking forward to).

Anyway, I'm sorry that things are so bad at the moment. Bad things always tend to happen at once for me as well!.

I think it would be a good idea to take a break from it all. I also constantly fall into the trap of thinking that my supervisors don't like me. Whether its true or not, I just try and take a day as it comes and try to work to my work plan.

Just wanted to say that I know where your coming from and I can totally empathize. Hang in there!

Oh, and don't let him stop you from acheiving your PhD. If it's what you want to do, then don't let him stop you.

Hi all, I have to say that I experience this all the time.

Although this PhD is my fourth degree, Throughout my PhD, I've been plagued with thinking that they've made a mistake in giving me this well funded studentship. Everytime when my supervisors say something negative etc, I tend to think that their thinking that they should not have given me the studentship and should have given it to someone else who has a 1st class degree for example, or who is far more brighter than me.

Although I'm happy to say, these kind of thoughts have diminshed significantly now I'm approaching the last 4 months left of my registration period. Each time when I've challenged my supervisors suggestions, or contributed to other reports (and my ideas have been integrated into their governmental reports), or pointed out something that my supervisors have missed out on, or my PhD work ideas and questions has made them think about the bigger project; my confidence has slowly started to increase.

I do have the occasional day where I'm thinking 'I really don't want to do this anymore', but when I've found something that is highly significant and obtain praise and acknowledgement from senior academics (Professors etc) I start to feel a little better about things! Rollercoaster of emotions though I have to say!

But yes, imposter syndrome is definitely applicable to me!