bluegrass, you need to find a job and then quit your PhD.
The problem you have is that you can't think of anything to do and your previous attempts at a decent job have both ended in frustration.
You need to invest time finding out who you are, what makes you tick on a general level and then figuring out what job comes closest to that.
There's no quick solution.
You need to treat finding the right lifestyle as a full time job and start your research.
There isn't another way as far as I can tell.

It may be that what suits you best is a series of jobs rather than looking for one single job for the next 5 years.

I am a little lost here.

Was the job a postdoc position to start with? If so, what do you mean when you say you applied for the job and then applied for the postdoc?
Also, what agency are you talking about and why do you think they had an influence on the decision?

Having corrections rejected does happen but I am not aware of anyone with minors having an issue. I wouldn't worry about this at all. I think it took about a week or so for me to get my corrections approved and it was all done by my internal examiner. Once the external is happy you should be home and dry.

Yes I don't see any problem with this either.
Applying for funding might need to be done throgh one of them though but I only applied to fully funded PhDs myself so I cant advise.

I must admit, that is the first time I have ever heard anyone attempt to describe multiple instances of entire chunks of plagiarism within the same submitted piece of work as "poor academic practice".

Plagiarism is generally described within student guideline documents, quite rightly, as cheating unless there is some very compelling reason for it and depression should never be used as a mitigating factor for cheating.

Cheating is fraudulent behaviour. Hence my use of the word "fraud".

I am genuinely surprised that your first thought is to look to defend the OP rather than their fellow students who didn't cheat. Is there a reason for that?

rewt,

I have a lot of respect for you that you can still find it within you to trust someone who has admitted academic fraud and is trying to link that act to their depression through the appeal channels. For me, that's a red line.

As for ruining their whole career? I dont think that will end up happening. The uni will probably buckle for reasons which are nothing to do with protecting the credibility of academia. As for future employers, trust is a major thing. Break it and you could well be in trouble. These are the consequences of any form of fraud. Would you want to get on a plane where this person had been in sole charge of maintenance? Would you want this person in charge of your drug prescription? Would you place them in charge of your personal finances or accounts? These are questions all employers will reasonably ask themselves.

You talk about giving people second chances but the cold hard reality is that life is brutal. Nobody deserves anything and you will be competing for jobs with people like the original poster. Would you feel OK if someone like that cost you a job you wanted? If so, you are a much stronger person than I am and fair play to you. They wont spend a single second thinking about you though.

I take your side on this but you can solve two problems with one stone here by thinking strategically.
She probably knows you won't get published straight away. No way will that happen.
By the time you have submitted the first draft and had it rejected you will be 6 months down the line and in a position to add your new findings during your revisions. The revision cycle will probably be a few weeks. That way you get your way without pissing her off and your turnaround time to publish ends up being weeks rather than months. If you do it your way the clock of 6 months doesnt start until you finish all of your extra work.

I would humour her on this and play the longer game.

If you have deliberately plagiarised another person's work then I think a score of 0 is perfectly fair. To give you anything higher than that would be grossly unfair to other students who have not cheated and would send out a terrible message. Personally, if I was a member of academic staff I would press to have any student found guilty of cheating removed from the course altogether and TBH I think you are extremely fortunate not to suffer this. Yes, we all make mistakes and yes we all deserve a second chance but you need to be punished first, learn from it, and show remorse.
Playing the depression card in an appeal when that clearly didn't affect your decision would be bad form but it's your choice.

You will need to take the punishment on the chin and find a way to rebuild your career. A transcript of your grades is going to quite rightly raise questions with future employers. After all, if you are prepared to cheat to get a grade, what will you be prepared to do if you reach industry and face a situation where your career is at risk?

It's not clear to me that the consequences of what you have done have truly sunk in yet. I think you sound more disappointed about being caught.

Take the job. Look for a better job whilst enjoying the privilege of being able to pay your bills.
There are plenty of graduates working in call centres and no end of people with PhDs working as lab technicians.
Think yourself fortunate to have found a technical job at all and stop complaining. You seem to have a bit of an attitude problem and an entitlement complex. You should drop that ASAP.

mandy, I am afraid your initial expectations are unrealistic. If you are able to hit the ground running within a week or two then you can't be doing anything worthwhile.
Ypu should expect to take around 6 months to a year to get your feet on solid ground.
It took me 4 months from my start date but I spent my summer holidays reading in advance of starting to that would take me to around 7 or 8 months.
I have never met anyone who has managed it in weeks.

Stop worrying about your colleagues. They SHOULD know much more than you at this stage because they are further along the path than you are.

If you are having suicidal thoughts you need to see a doctor today. Nothing else comes close to this in terms of importance.

You should contact potential supervisors, explain what you have just posted here, ask for an informal chat and ask them outright whether you have what they are looking for.
Mature students are always treated differently to younger people. You might well find that this is easier than you think.