I know I'm new to these forums but I'd like some advice on this and I can't ask anyone I know for obvious reasons!

Over the last few months I have started to develop 'feelings' for my fiance's best friend. We meet up sometimes just the two of us, in the full knowledge of my fiance, for lunch etc. Initially this was purely innocent as we get on really well but recently I've grown to like him in a 'more than friends' way and I have a suspicion that he feels the same. It's got to the point that our meetings are becoming VERY flirty.

I really don't want anything to happen between us because my feelings for him are nowhere near those I feel for my fiance. It's more of a strong crush than anything, and I am definitely in love with my future husband. Even if I did stop meeting him alone I'd still have to see him regularly so I really need advice on how to get over a crush on your fiance's best friend!

Shani I think you have a point there actually. She does EVERYTHING for my fiance's dad, even packs his clothes for going away on holidays like a little kid! She once semi-had a go at me because I expect my fiance to do his own ironing!

Just have to correct that last message a bit. His mum actually addresses my fiance as 'her little BABY' (not little boy) which is slightly more vomit inducing I find! And whenever I see her she tells me how she still thinks of him as her little boy. I know many mums still think of their kids as kids but you don't need to tell their girlfriends that! It's gross!

Hi everyone, I've only just found these off the topic forums and they are much more fun!

After the last few posts, and my experience over the last few years with my future in laws, I think bf/gf parents should go into room 101. I could achieve world peace and that still wouldn't be good enough for them. I find the mother is the worst. My future mother in law insists on addressing my fiance as 'her little boy', which is quite disturbing when I've had my wicked way with him just hours before!

And when I'm trying to organise the wedding, every idea I come up with is crap in their eyes. They then have 'a word with' my fiance behind my back about how they think it's crap. Charming. And who's wedding is it again?!

lol MTB-girl! What the hell did your future mother in law mean by that comment?! Ah the power of 'in laws' (present and future). They can provoke extreme anger with just a single comment. And the worst thing is if you moan about it to your fiance he gets all defensive of them.eg. Oh they didn't mean it like that...

As an aside, I am also a MTB_girl (assuming by MTB you mean getting extremely muddy whilst on a bike). Just thought I'd let you know seems we are few and far between!

Hee hee I love this topic! I agree with Jayney that it is coolest not to use it in the lab world etc. However, my hubby-to-be has told me that he's going to start calling me 'The Doc' when/if I pass!! Also, as soon as I officially get my title, I will phone the bank, the gas company and possibly even Tesco Clubcard to let them know!

After almost having a mental breakdown to get the damn things I think we deserve to show it off :P

o.stoll I disagree. If your PhD is in science, as is mine, what makes your PhD any less of a job than a research scientist or even a post-doc position? Should civil and mechanical engineers or accountants still be called students up until they become chartered? Obviously not, so why should scientists be called students until they get their PhD, which is effectively a chartership in research. I'm going off on one now...

I don't think a lot of people really understand what you do during your PhD. My future father in law said to me yesterday - 'So you're basically still a student but you get more money'. We were at a christening at the time so I had to refrain from kicking him in the groin.

Has anyone been called a 'lifelong student' or is it just me? I also had the overwhelming urge to kick that person in the groin. Instead I opted for a snide 'I didn't realise that cancer research was deemed an unworthy choice of profession. Maybe I'll go into accountancy when I finish my PhD, instead'.

I don't want to come across as condescending or mean but if not being able to get a PhD or not being able to decide on your career path is the low point of your life so far then you are a very lucky person. This is what I tell myself when I'm feeling low and it helps me put things into context.

Hope that helps .

Obviously the outcome of this depends on how nice your supervisor is! My dissertation supervisor offered me a PhD but I turned it down in favour of a topic I found more interesting. I just went to see him in person and gave him the 'bad' news and he was luckily really understanding and still was happy to give me a reference. Just say that you want experience in another lab blah blah... and your supervisor should understand this and be supportive. To keep on good terms after you've left the lab, just go and see your supervisor after you've got your results to let them know what you got and say thank you. You could even get them a card! Good luck.

Oz I'm so happy for you. You'll have no probs finding new tenants. There are websites where you can publish the details of your house. Also, the students union at my uni has a book where you can register the details of your house. ERASMUS and exchange students often check this out to find somewhere to live. Some of my friends who graduated this year are only looking for a house now, as they have only just got jobs/PhDs. I'm sure its the same case in your city. Good luck.

Oh my god oz your landlady sounds like a b*tch! I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Why are some people so unreasonable? You'd think that if a baby/pregnant woman is involved people would empathize and bend over backwards to help.

So let me get this straight - you basically go back to student loan level income on maternity leave with the added expense of a baby just making survival impossible. Argh - and they wonder why not enough 'successful' women are having babies!

Thanks silverbobs, I completely agree with what you've just said! Yeah sometimes doing a PhD sucks but at least you have a degree of autonomy and on the whole it's so much more fun than completing tax returns. Having experience in the 'real world' (I hate that term!) makes me appreciate my PhD, but that's another topic for another day I'm sure.

This discussion has been great, both informative and inspiring! I'm currently doing my PhD. Just as a slight aside, does anyone have experiences regarding pregnancy during post-doc positions in labs. Correct me if I'm wrong (which I probably am) but aren't they funded by research grants too in many cases and so come with the same difficulties as PhDs re: pregnancy? I'm planning to start a family during my first post-doc position and wondered if anyone has a relevant tale to tell. Also, where does the law stand regarding maternity pay if you're on a short term contract (2 or 3 years)?