Thank you both for your replies! Its true that when I keep myself busy with other activities/friends etc., every problem seems to be smaller as its not the centre of my world anymore. Being in the house for so long makes me loose perspective. I will go to the Uni more often from now on and start doing things that do not invlolve my boyfriend... although at the moment, I still feel uncomfortable about this new perosn

Thanks roopa! I had a feeling everyone would tell me I am crazy. So, have you been in this position before?

Hello guys,
over the last couple of days, my fiance has a new supervisee in his office, a woman of his "type" and he enjoys her smiles and glances, he finds her very intelligent, sweet etc. My University is in another city and I go in only now and again. This has as a result me staying many hours at home while he is at work, without having my own "life" apart from working hard and obssessing about the situation he is in. I trust him that no matter how strong this attraction is or will be in the future, he will never cheat on me or anything like that. Still, I feel jealous he spends so much time and works so close to a very attractive woman. In general he is serious in the office (not very talkative/smiley etc) but with her its different maybe because she is also very "sweet" with him. Am I irrational?

Another, who has all the characteristics of a high achiever may be sociable as well, therefore needing more time to complete a PhD or having to push himself more than someone else to finish on time. Everyone has to push themselves in something! But the level to which you push yourself in order to achieve a goal is also a skill. Whether there is time for romance and sex during the PhD, there isn’t a clear cut answer. Depends on your personality, the nature of your PhD, your effectiveness, the way you spend your free time, your ability to sacrifice something to get something else, to know yourself, your limits, your abilites etc etc. From all this, you can also infer what I imply about people who post here often.

I work in an office with 9 PhD students. ALL of them are extremely focused (they work almost solidly 8:00 to 20:00, five days per week, I don’t know what they do on weekends). So, all of them, I assume, are hard working, self motivated, not very sociable (by self-report), therefore suitable for their position. BUT they are not all equally clever/effective. One of them for example (in his 3rd year now) told me that he spent the whole first year focusing on teaching undergrads a subject that was not related to his area. Maybe he didnt want to feel embarrassed by not knowing stuff whereas the other guys couldnt care less and put the minimum effort on this. So, you see how individual differences can have a huge impact on your progress.

2) I think that for us (or most of us) doing a PhD came naturally as we followed our inclination and skills. So, its "easier", more "natural" for us than for other people who have different skills/talents. Objectively, a PhD is a difficult thing to achieve. But the thing is that subjectively we are the right people to do it (in a sense that it fits us, the way we are, the way we work, our skills etc), so that makes it subjectively easier. What we have to do is reach our goal within 3 years. Each of us can follow a different path to reach it (acccording to their personality, e.g., less ougoing, more outgoing, more effective, clever etc. That's my opinion.

I have two more points here:
1) The people on this forum (myself included) are not a representative sample of the PhD students. I dont want to use any adjectives, but think about it. So, people give more or less the same answers here when it comes to "what it meanns to do a PhD". If you go to a bar where PhDs hang out tonight, you will receive different answers!

I agree with Adem 100%. I am also 6 months in and i agree that a PhD is nothing more or less than other careers; it is just DIFFERENT. Whereas we may have problems with lonliness, others may have problems with colleagues etc. My boyfriend (computer programmer) works 9-5 in a company, comes home at 6 and has to work another 2 hours MINIMUM. He has deadlines, the same stress like me to reach them and above everything a boss! He works at the same level I do, he hasnt got flexible hours etc....

Are you originally from the US?

Yes, in Australia. What a coincidence! I am doing memory and cognition stuff. Will you join SARMAC this summer?

I bet its you! You are doing cognition stuff, arent you? Are you joining the "society" in July in Maine?

Hey, if that's your real name, I have seen you in a conference winning the PhD student award?

Thanks guys for your advice (I wish you agreed though )

I wish I could tell you Bobby!

You still didnt tell me your opinion though!

No, I didnt do my BSc here. I did it in Germany where psychology is more broadly perceived. I think I should have joined the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Berlin but the competition there is huge! During my PhD I do some side experiments that are of MY interest, so I will just wait to finish the PhD and then do the stuff I want (in US preferably). What about you? Are you happy where you are?

America is the place to go (to do PSYCHOLOGY) but it is a little difficult at the moment! However, I am working towards this direction!

If you were an undergrad in my Uni, I bet you had loved it then! I dont know, I really cant see how mastering computer programming relates to being a psychologist! I am glad however that there are people who can see that. I thought that ALL of the undergrads in my department were depressed about it (as I have heard many of them saying).