pc_geek that's exactly the kind of thing i discussed with my partner. i said, if we are ever going to have kids, then only if it is "our" project rather than me having kids and him tolerating it. so it would be "our" problem how to deal with career and family time, not mine alone. being a sociologist i am of course aware that such plans often disintegrate once the child is there, and make space for pragmatic solutions - man earns more, well obviously he will "work" more to raise the common spending power. but luckily my partner (that's one reason why i love him so much) is of the same opinion - he does not want to be a weekend-and-evenings father, but rather envisages working part-time, perhaps taking some time off completely, and thus sharing the "double burden" with me.

Smilodon - well I am a curious person But sorry if I overstepped any lines. I wish this site had a private message system.

I was curious as to - are there still people out there who keep trying "naturally" and leave it up to "fate" if making a baby does not work out after a while?
- can PhD students afford IVF?
- do some PhD students plan for babies so specifically as that they won't just stop birth-control but will actively take steps to help them get pregnant?
My curiosity stems from many things - one, i want to have children and am worried it won't work out, two, my research is concerned with reproductive medicine, three, i think "babies and PhD" reveal that PhD students are confronted with some of the worst social insecurity existing in the West...
Ok this is just for explaining myself, no need to reply if you don't want to. (if you do, it could give this discussion a whole new twist )

this has developed into quite a discussion!
i agree that if you are trying to pull together a partnership/marriage after a crisis such as cheating, it would be well worth thinking/talking about what has been going wrong in the relationship. well if nothing has been going wrong and still one person cheated, then there is little point in working on issues unless you are happy with polyamory. but it could be that the cheating is a symptom of something else (though that is not an excuse!) so i am imagining if my partner cheated and then said he was very sorry, but also that he felt he wasn't getting enough sex. would that mean that i would "provide" more sex if i wanted the relationship to go on? no way. but it might mean that we talked about our needs and wishes, and perhaps thought about why we were having less sex than we used to and discuss what we could both do to make our relationship happy again...

did your supervisor give any reasons?

uh. hayfever here. hate it. swollen eyes, running nose, constantly sneezing, tired and no energy. worst, when the sun comes out and finally it is starting to be warm, i hide inside.

but, duty calls. can't hide for two/three months... *groan*

there are statistics that say that the longer a couple has been together before marriage, the likelier they will get divorced.
i guess if i want to stay with my partner we shouldn't get married
Smilodon, if you don't mind - did you have IVF or other sorts of "help"?
Hypothesis, sorry to hear your marriage is disintegrating, I hope it is not too tough on you.
all: amazing range of stories! thanks for sharing!

bellaz, another option: put your biscuits and sweets into a box with a lid. the fact of having to open the lid will let you eat less unconsciouscly. on the other hand, place a bowl full of grapes or other fruit within reach. then you will unconsciously eat healthy stuff and every now and then consciously grant yourself a treat.

joyce, about the bold issue number: if the harvard style delivered with your endnote does not automatically make it bold, you can change the style settings. you can adapt any style or build one from scratch. just open the style manager, save a copy of the harvard style (for backup) and then go into harvard style and change what you want it to look like. then when you use this adapted harvard style - you can give it your own name - the issue numbers will appear in bold. i worked out the details by experimenting and playing around with it (that's why it is important to keep the backup) but if you don't manage and need more detailed instructions, just ask!

olivia, my mum just started a science degree this year. she is enjoying it immensely. she is 53 and it is her first university experience, and it is unrelated to her job. why is she doing it? well, why not?

huh. it's my partner's birthday. now you've got me worried.

how do you all feel about marriage? i've been with my partner for ages (soon 7 years), we have been living together for ca. 3 years (with an interruption), and we are definitely making plans as "we", including stuff like kids, coordinating careers, etc. BUT although this is def. a long term thing, i don't know if i'd want to get married. a) it's complicated - what do you do about names and stuff? b) i'd feel like i'm going back on my feminist principles c) i don't really see the point. BUT i know that he feels that it would be convenient, at the latest when the kids thing becomes concrete. which could be soon (biological clock is ticking). i am confused and think i would just prefer he never asked. how do you all feel about these things?

way to go, jojo. you are obviously aware that you can't go from 0 to 100 in 3 seconds, so you are taking it easy, one step at a time, building up your working hours. but this taking it easy also entails taking breaks. a day totally off at the weekend might be just the thing. hope you are doing something nice and finding it relaxing!

i sometimes get physically anxious the night before teaching (which is totally irrational, as I actually feel quite confident about teaching, but still).

for me, sometimes it helps do do something that feels like I am doing something against the anxiety. i.e. i make "calming" herbal teas and add orange-flower essence, and use a lavender-infused pillow, etc. don't know if it really works, but just the "doing something about it" helps already. sometimes, anyway.

any other tips on how to deal with (reading or other-related) anxiety?

hi optimist,
as far as i understand, in britain you have to be enrolled for three years, no matter how much you have already done before you start (so even if you have been doing a PhD for two years at a different university, and are simply changing uni, you might very well be asked to enrol for the full three years again).
in other countries things are not that strict however. you could try germany or switzerland. as you stated, in these countries some PhDs take a long time because people teach and do research support work for their professors. but this is not a necessary requirement - particularly if you are self-funded, you do not have to do this (although, academic job chances post-PhD are reduced if you do not).

my partner (he is now lecturer) has an account at hsbc and got what you said, olivia - not even a debit card. but he went back recently and now that he has significant sums of money on the account they gave him a debit card without further ado (but still did decline his application for a credit card).

ah the english banking system. i'm swiss where they will double and triple check that your money is not from illegal sources, but don't care where you are from or where you have been living. they are happy to have your money and treat you like customers, not like here where you pay the banks for the priviledge of letting them have your money and they treat you like supplicants.

well in response to the previous poster, i tried to open a student account at natwest and they wouldn't let me because i haven't been resident in the uk before i came here to study (i do have citizenship but that doesn't count). so i tried to open a graduate account but they wouldn't let me because they do not accept graduates from non-english universities. so now i have a "step" account which doesn't give me any student extras (like the 5-year young persons railcard that you get with student accounts... nope, not for me). the "free" internet banking allows me to check my balance, that is all (since about 10 years i have paid all bills online. but if you want to be able to do that here, you have to pay for the priviledge of saving the bank some work...).