that sounds like excellent advice to me, jojo! have you considered this before, compSci?

hi nicola,
i have a friend who once had this problem. i strongly believe that it's got to do with using different libraries at the same time. the thing is, endnote works like this: it gives each reference in your library a number. in the order that you put them in, NOT alphabetically. so the first book/article you entered is number one, the second number two, etc.
now if you use several libraries you will have several number ones and twos.
and if you make a new library in the middle of writing, it will not put the references in in the same order you originally did, but rather alphabetically (i think).

so suddenly other articles have the same numbers. in cite-while-you-write you don't put down the actual reference but just its number. so if the numbers are confused/changed, it will all mess up.

if he however hadn't got that "ideal" job, we would both have to decide how much we want a family and how much we want to pursue our ideal career. he might have had to leave academia and research, so that i could keep doing my PhD while we had a baby. or i might have had to quit my PhD so he could keep going with his career while we had a baby. or we'd both stay focused on our careers and resign ourselves to not starting a family.

if the whole family thing is a shared project, it is difficult for men, too. i mean, if he just gets himself a young fertile partner whenever he is ready to settle down, that's fine of course - but if he is in a steady relationship the biological clock will be ticking for him, too. i am 31 and one year into my PhD. we are together considering if trying to start a family during my PhD is a good idea (since i will be nearing critical age by the time i'm finished). right now, things seem to be working out - he got a permanent job at a uni nearby which pays well. but if it weren't for me, he would have applied to different, perhaps better places (in career terms). but if he wants that family - with me - he'd better arrange to live in the same country as i do and he'd also better be prepared to do his share of babycare so i can continue with my PhD.

i personally feel the hardest part of being in a foreign country like this, is trying to keep up with everyone in both countries. i constantly feel i am neglecting someone - or my research. but that wouldn't change if i went back!

the good news for me is that my partner is coming here in a few months. that will make things easier. and sometimes the thought of that is the only thing that stops me from going home, or quitting. it would be pointless to leave, now that he is following me over.

hm yes - that's part of the problem but at the same time it is a little good, isn't it? at least you work a lot and aren't distracted.

i suppose whatever you decide, you will have to think explicitly how you can emphasize the good parts of your situation and deal with the bad parts.
so, if you leave - make sure you have a good arrangement to stay in close contact with your supervisor. make sure you really do see those people you are now missing. but also make sure you don't get distracted from your PhD too much.
if you stay - try to profit as much as possible from the things you have available here. get a lot of work done. find a way to be less socially excluded, do stuff with your colleagues, flatmates, ... maybe there is a community of international students you could join? or some club, association, do some volunteering or get a small job?

so, jojo and chris - how did the night's work go? i hope you got done what you wanted and are now giving yourself the well deserved rest!

i do wonder: both of you seem to be constantly writing, and high numbers of words, too. what is it that you write? are these chapters of your PhD, upgrade reports, journal articles, conference papers?

do you tend to work in spurts like this with breaks in between or do you keep up that pace all the time?
i'm really impressed and amazed by both of you.

my first day was so bad i nearly quit right then and there. i guess that was a bit of a special case though.

considering my experience the advice i'd give is simply: just in case things go wrong, have a phone number or an office number of someone with you so you can go talk to someone if you do suddenly find you need help (or someone you can cry on). in most cases this will not be necessary - it's just a safety net.
good luck! most probably it will be fun and exciting!

(((hug)))
sounds like you need a hot bath with some relaxing stuff in it. and then someone to rub you dry and give you a good cuddle.

any chance you could go somewhere for these last two weeks where you could be pampered? it's only for two weeks after all. there must be someone... for these last days that would help to focus totally on your PhD, and get it all done with.

don't worry now about the quality of your work. just get it submitted. even if it isn't brilliant, it IS going to be good enough. you can tackle your confidence afterwards - for now, just do as good as you can, because that is good enough.

i feel for you - and wish you perseverance and strength for the last mile!

before you quit and then restart another masters, i would certainly get that dissertation done. even if it isn't a good degree, it still is a degree - and the experience of writing up that dissertation is invaluable.

if you find you can't get on a PhD program, you can always go and get another masters if you want. but there is no need to waste the work you've done for this one!

oh - it sounds the same in russian. hah - but i'm still winning!

my heating doesn't work

i feel it's colder than it was in winter. i make hot-water-bottles to go to bed with... did that in august already. in august! i thought it was supposed to be global WARMING.

so far i'm managing - having not much choice - with thermal underwear, thick sweaters, a scarf, hot drinks and the said hot-water-bottle. when i go on my bike i wear an under-helmet-cap for my ears and gloves. sigh - i didn't used to be cold so much. has the weather changed or have i changed?

i don't think you'd normally have to re-pay, only that money which you perhaps received in advance.

i totally understand where you are coming from. it is sometimes soooo hard to be away from the loved ones, those people who will be there for you without hardly having to ask. it very much helps to balance out the low moments and is great to share the good times.
but sometimes i think being "away" helps me to work, because there is nothing to distract me - no other projects or little jobs that i could get involved with and that would be so much more fun than my PhD... and no partner's or family demands on my time. i am here to work, and that's all. also, it is great being here - seeing my supervisor, my colleagues, my new local friends; going to interesting events at our centre. i would miss that if i left.
so overall i don't know. i'm sure it can be done... but either way there are drawbacks.

rick, oh, that well i'm glad it helped!

thanks for asking - i'm a bit of a pendulum right now, going from perfectly happy and making good progress to desolate and procrastinating, never know what it is going to be today. ah, if it were always bad at least i could complain

overall they were very friendly and relaxed but not very serious or well prepared. i had the impression that they were not really interested in what i know or how i teach but rather just if they thought they could get along with me.
that was my experience - hope it helps!