hi friendlyface,
i take it you are not from england/didn't do your PhD in england? where are you from, if i may ask?

as far as i have gathered by now:
- a research assistant is usually someone without a PhD, often a Masters student or early PhD student, or someone with a Masters who wants to do some more research but not a PhD.
- a research fellow and a research scholar are very similar (anyone know better?). depending on the discipline and particular jobmarket, a research fellowship might be for people who have significant post-doc experience already, or might be accessible to recent PhDs.
- a research officer is often a recent PhD.

with a PhD you can also apply to (junior) lecturer positions and post-doc scholarships.

i like this thread - even if it is neglected for ages, it can be revived easily with a little care. not like my pot plants which tend to just die...

however, if you share a house/flat with non-students, the house/flat is non-exempt and usually your flatmates would expect you to pay your share of the council-tax. because the amount of the council tax is the same, no matter how many students/non-students live there.
legally, they can't force you to - but in practice, they just won't accept student flatmates who aren't prepared to pay their share of council tax.

oh and... so you changed your name? wouldn't that be the perfect occasion to change it here, too, as you have wanted to for a while?

hi and welcome back, h!
you actually missed a discussion about whether it is sensible to get married during your PhD (or if you should preferrably marry before or after, because it is so distracting). so yes, i'm interested too - are you now Mrs.H?

how did it go? did you have a lovely wedding? did everything go as you wanted it? i hope the sun shone for you!

lets see, what did you miss - what stuck most with me is that some people didn't get the funding they were hoping for (pinkneuron, 404) and others passed their upgrades (would have to check to get all the names right!) but for a concise summary, ask piglet! she needs some distraction from her frustrating job situation so here's a challenge!

congratulations!

sheena, good point i think we should learn from seahorses.

if it's boredom that is the source of your problem, then perhaps a little hint to your partner might help. let him know! it could be pre-marital panic, too... so if your bf would just make a little extra effort, he might remind you why exactly you want to marry him.

have you considered that he might be feeling similarly? you could do something special for him, something you know he loves about you. then when he asks, "how have i earned this?" you explain that you think all these marriage preparations shouldn't take over your lives and mention your "boredom" and that you would actually appreciate some extra attention as well. and then wait to be surprised!

i work similarly in that i write first, usually too much, and shorten it later. it helps my thinking and makes writing easier because i always know it is not the definite version.

so i often have long bits of writing that need to get shorter. what i do then is a bit like what i would do for a book review. i go through section by section, sometimes paragraph by paragraph and write down what is the point of this part. thinking: what am i saying here? why is it important for the overall storyline?

that way i can identify where my "story" goes fuzzy and gets lost - these need rewriting, and i find lots of bits and pieces that don't help the "story" at all - these go into footnotes. most of the footnotes, i delete later.

it is a lot of work, but usually worth it. hope this helps! good luck!

if you think it might be a bit like this, basically an insecurity thing, then perhaps it would help to give her what she needs - appreciation, confirmation. (i am not saying you should tell her she is doing well if she isn't. but if you do feel she is basically doing a good job, why not let her know? even just a one-off comment of "hey, that's good work" might do the trick) then it might be over quickly. or go have coffee with her and talk it over, maybe.

these are just some thoughts. i find it real hard to give useful advice so if it doesn't sound right to you, just ignore it, ok?

pineapple, that sounds like a difficult situation.

did it occur to you that she might be acting this way out of her own insecurity? perhaps she feels that through her maternity leave and now parttiming she has lost or is in danger of losing full membership in your team. so she needs to assert herself and prove that although she is only there parttime she is still up to scratch and all.

this could be totally wrong, of course. i was just trying to imagine what i might feel like, coming back from maternity leave. maybe you as the only person with a even weaker position than hers gets to feel the brunt of it?

i once read an essay in a magazine where the author argued that "nearly cheating" can be good for a healthy relationship. flirting with someone else may give you a feeling of still being desirable. it lets you know your worth on the dating marketplace. this feels good - and, it provides you with a real choice - you don't have to stick with your partner just because you don't really have any alternatives except becoming an old spinster. only if you have a real choice can you truly choose to stay with your partner. so, this essay argued, enjoy the flirty encounter but be aware of what you are doing and don't step across boundaries you'd later regret.
if you want to get over this crush quickly, i suggest you start seriously imagining what everyday, mundane life would be like with this other person. that should normally do the trick

robber, then maybe you should share this observation with your future husband. after all, isn't it he who should be insulted by this attitude? his mother seeming to believe he is incapable of taking care of himself, of being a mature grown-up? if she seems to believe he is incapable of deciding himself what kind of wedding he would like, and perhaps even thinks he needs her advice on who to marry, isn't that, at the end of the day, more condescending towards him than to you?

not knowing any of the involved people personally, this is obviously just wild speculation and thinking aloud on my part, so do take lots of salt with it please

so sorry to hear that, 404.
hope you find your perfect post-doc position soon!

hey robber, maybe her insistence on letting you know that he is her "baby" is just to make sure that you will take over that mothering role she apparently feels her son needs. maybe she is incapable of conceiving of a relationship of equal partners but rather feels that all men need to be mothered? perhaps that says a lot about her relationship to your future-father-in-law...