That's the thing; more than anything I find it rather sad. As I mentioned, many of my students are mature (25+, I am 26). In my first year PhDs regularly socialised with the permanent staff, but the member of staff who organised this has left, and now the staff attitude to PhD students is very much that we are their inferiors. As such I found it refreshing and interesting to socialise with my mature UGs. Certain students have contacted me about a range of issues (how to find a dentist, how to appeal a cut in disability benefit) and I do feel that part of being a University tutor is pastoral care. But I guess it is very much open to interpretation

Hello everyone.
I had a meeting today with the Director of Subject Group(the guy who sorts out teaching) and he raised an issue about my teaching style. Apparently "eyebrows have been raised" about the fact that I am relatively informal with my (undergrad) students. As I myself am a student (although PG) and many of my students are a similar age to me rather than 18 yr olds, I tend to see them as equals, I also find that a more relaxed atmosphere helps improve debate in a seminar situation.
I have also been warned off socialising with students, being told that I leave myself open to "ever increasing student litigation". I can see why the university wouldn't want to appear unprofessional, but in my experience going to the pub with the lecturer is the norm. Anyone else find that its not?

So you are basing your comment on just the one example then? Error has made it more than patently clear that the staff member in question has no relation to their work and cannot 'help' them. The example you gave may be a completely different circumstance and it is extremely sad and pathetic for you to stand in judgement. Are you male by any chance?

But I am sure your research will be extremely thorough and convincing given your full analysis of the one example you provide.

Sorry drwhoknows but that is absolute rubbish

I'm humanities / Soc Sci and have been told to avoid the first person at all costs. I agree that it is just as easy to be clear and emphatic without it. Try "this thesis takes X as its point of departure then addresses it by X" or "this thesis asserts"...

I was given the (frankly bizarre) advice to treat your thesis as if you are a ventriloquist and the thesis is a puppet called "this thesis"...

I know she's a favourite, but the Swedish woman looks evil; a bit like a Bratz doll - all giant head and tiny body. But just a hint for the final: you haven't seen Spain yet because they automatically qualify, but by god its good.

Chelsea were robbed!?!?! The only their players know how to do is whinge at the referee (please see Mr J Cole in particular). Makelele went down everytime a raindrop fell on him (and then pleaded with the ref that his high two footed tackles were 'a slip') whereas Scholes played on with a broken nose.
Let's face it - the pitch was shite, the ref was abysmal and had no consistency. But Chelsea were DIRTY. Yes, at times they outplayed united and players like Lampard and Terry (though I hate Terry) deserved the title; but its players like Drogba, J Cole and Makelele that give them such a poor reputation. Vidic has a hell of a temper - being a good Serb - but he doesn't cheat or smack people in the face.

I am totally with pineapple here. It happens so often that PhDers get all the crap but none of the recognition, and not having an approachable member of staff who can deal with this is completely unacceptable.

Olivia, whilst I know your posts have been very well meaning, you do come across as very judgemental when you say these relationships should never happen. You suggest internet dating - I did that a few years ago, and was contacted by a professor from my Uni (different person).
Fot me the most important thing is a deep intellectual connection - which I would not get from meeting someone in a bar or through 'a hobby'. All the successful couples I know met through work (my three best friends, my mother's new fiance). This happens precisely because people in this situation have more in common.

Has anyone thought how great this relationship could be if it lasted? I know the staff member I dated is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. No-one can make me as happy (and as angry, frustrated, confused and every other emotion) as he does. If I had considered how every relationship would end before I started it, I would have been single forever!!!

I think Error is being fairly sensible about this.
I never expected to end up with a member of staff - in fact I had always thought that I would avoid a relationship with anyone during my PhD, as nothing would be more important to me than that. I would happily sacrifice aspects of my social life for three years in order to acheive what I wanted.
However (this is a big however), this is not a rational thing. You can't decide how you feel. You can decide to do, or not do something about it; but if you have relatively regular contact with someone on a purely social level (ie although you work in the same place you don't see each other), then it is normal to become close.
If you started dating someone who was a friend of a friend surely it would be just as awkward if you split up.

Hi,
Just a personal experience that might help you. In my first year (I am currently second) PhD students did often socialise with staff. At a particular party (after much flirting on earlier occasions), I ended up with the director of my research institute. It was never public about us dating, although it was pretty much 'the worst kept secret' in the department; and I know that a number of senior members of staff knew, they effectively turned a blind eye as long as we were discreet.
We dated, then split up after a few months, but it was for personal reasons. He then got a job at another Uni, and since we have begun to see the possibility of having a relationship again. One of the reasons I believe it didn't work earlier is because we were forced not to be 'open' about it, which takes it's toll.

Hi Smilodon - well he's in Social Science, as am I. We live in a city in the north, and his uni is in the Midlands. When he moved there last summer he explained that he did not want to move home, and the university said that were he willing to stay 1 night at the uni, and 2 full days, they would guarantee his teaching could be all on one day, leaving a separate day for admin.
At key times of the year he does go down for 3days/2nights, but only when necessary and they are fine with that. But he is relatively senior (the director of his own particular research centre - and his is a well-regarded institution who are probably used to dealing with prominent staff and their whims!!!).

Actually I couldn't imagine having at partner not in academia, I don't think many others would understand the pressures and nature of the job. But, saying that, my personal approach is to date someone, um, significantly older and much more advanced in his career than I am in mine. Should we settle down his professorship means he only works 2 days at week at Uni, and ideally mine would require only 3 days or so at Uni, so children would be much easier to manage...

I just think you need to make sure you plan well. A lot of people have jobs on the side even when funded (normally teaching), so its harder then. But its usually possible to make sure you have at least one full day (or a couple of half-days/evenings) free to do "me" stuff - as long as when you are meant to be working you actually do stuff. Its harder in third year when you are expected to produce at a rate of knots.
But expect that you will have to turn down invites to the pub/parties... eventually non-PhD friends will work out that with a bit of notice you can see them, but it can't be a last minute thing.