People do tend to have a lot of assumptions. It irritates me when people assume I actually chose to wait this long to have a child and that I am somehow purposefully depriving my child of a sibling.

As for socially constructing the urge to reproduce. I think some women who are very ambivalent about having children feel pressured to just do it anyway. But I do think a lot of women really genuinely want children. And when you get older you start to hit pressure coming the other way because you are sooo old!

Sounds fab. I have a colleague who does field work out there but has cut it down to a month at a time and young child stays with dad and/or grandparents. I haven't been to that part - I used to work in Africa.

Sounds like a very attractive life plan altogether.

I really miss working overseas. I have a half-baked idea that I might get back out there when she's older. Which country are you going to or if that's TMI - which continent or part continent....?

Two friends of mine have 4 children. One is 36 and just had the last one. The other is 42, her youngest is 4 and she's in the process of getting a divorce - her choice (hmmm - so much for stability...). Another good friend is about to have her 3rd at 36. She lectures 3 days/week and takes 6 months maternity leave.

Yes I am somewhat bored today.....

If you want 4 you had better get going! Most of my friends had kids in thier 30s and I have noticed that the families/marriages/partnerships seem to be more stable than those that started families in their 20s. Fertility is hard to predict for individuals because the variance is high. Some women will be effectively infertile at 40 but others will be like the average 20 yr-old. If you you want to get some idea of your personal fertility your gp can arrange a simple blood test of your hormone levels to check your ovarian reserve.

It was late 20s for me. Had a long wait after that though (insert long story). I think your late 20s - 30s is a good time. I was older but not really by choice.

I think that if you are going to quit this is the ideal time. It isn't that uncommon and I don't think employers will be concerned - especially since presumably the jobs will not require a PhD. If you are miserable and you don't need a PhD for a future career, then 2 more years might be pointless. You could try assuming you've definitley decided to quit and see how you feel after a couple of days. If you are just relieved - that's your answer.

H - It's worth thinking about these things even if your ideas change later. Amazing how many people have never given any thought to childcare etc and then get a big shock. I keep trips away to a minimum. I went to one conference for 6 days when she was 2 - and she REALLY punished me when I got back. I personally aim for 2-3 days max. But I have colleagues who go on field work for months. In some cases, father and child both go too.

It also depends on the kind of children you are blessed with. If my daughter really enjoyed nursery I might have increased my childcare to help write-up. But she is a very shy child and I have taken her out of nursery completely and she's now with a childminder. She really likes that so much better: one carer, fewer children. I don't think she would respond well to increasing her childcare so i try to make do with 3 days/week. It's hard to gauge the needs of your family in advance of having said family. I would advise keeping options as open and flexible as possible.

You probably would Jayney - if I have any guilt - it's that I think I really would go completely barmy being a mother 24/7 7 days/week!

True - competition for TEFL work in popular places is strong and the better jobs go to experience and sometimes local knowledge/language. Even in the UK, experience overseas is preferred espeically in the better paying schools. So go somewhere hot and cheap to get some experience

PC and I have been round this block before

There's no really convenient way to mix work and parenting unless you just make one parent be a full-time parent. But then what is the purpose of society - is it to maximise the work effort at the expense of the family - or to find a best fit solution that optimises both?

PC - it would be strange if you wanted to be a full-time mother - but not if you are happier working at least part-time, which among my peer group of mothers, is the preferred option whether that is part-time study or work (and part-time can mean 4 days/week which allows 2 half days for example).

Being with a baby 24/7 can, frankly, get very tedious. Most of us really enjoy having work days as a balance. I went to conferences away from home, sometimes overseas, when I was pregnant and when she was over one year.

Yup - Shani - those were the three options alright.

Janey - my supervisor was totally supportive of my having a baby and taking time out. If I had had another one (and we did try but we can't) then I think that would have been curtains for ever completing this PhD. Sad but you have to prioritise. Sometimes you don't know what your priorities are going to be later on - so keep an open mind to the future.