For myself, I split with my bf during my first unfinished PhD attempt (after moving away), then moved back and got back together for a couple of years when I dropped out. It was never really meant to go the distance though - and I think that's probably true of any relationship that can't take the strain and partly for the reasons badhaircut says - some people are not right for this kind of relationship.

With my huband, we agreed from the start that we would never live apart for work. There is not question, even without my young daughter, of my going away for a postdoc (and his career has moved on now and it makes no sense for him to follow me on a short contract) - I'll take my chances here. I totally accept that and I don't know if that is because I'm older or because of the relationship or maybe both.

I've been through this twice and seen many people in this situation and it really varies a lot. Some people manage the long distance (even different continents) and come through. Some carry on having some years apart throughtheir entire professional lives. But some relationships, and some people, cannot weather the strain.

I have several colleagues at present who are apart from their long-term partners/husbands while doing thier PhD. Of the 3 I know well, 2 seem pretty secure so far but I wouldn't put money on the third.

I think for a lot of people it depends whether they need a job to support themselves or can go home to parents or partner or have other means. I won't apply until after submission but probably before my viva, but others in my year are applying now because they need a salary when their grant runs out.

Alice - you're usually allowed a year to write up without fees. I've just filed for exemption from fees for the next academic year.

My funding runs out in Oct and I'm hoping to submit by Xmas - but I expect I may be doing some revisions still in the new year. I'll be relying on my husband - not only to support me, but to continue to pay for childcare 3 days/week. If we cut that, it will take even longer and she is used to it now. So some days I have a working day (8-9 hours), sometimes eveings, and most/part of Sat. If I'm not in the mood for anything too demanding or had enough of that level I do the more mundane stuff like tables, figures, appendices, sorting references etc.

You don't need a first to do a PhD. The problem is that funding is so scarce, especially in some areas, that this is used as a method of screening out applicants. I've known a lot of people do good PhDs with 2.2s - so don't let that worry you at all. The skills are quite different.

I think you're in a pretty strong position. A first is not as essential in technical fields as competition for funding is less intense (i.e. there's more of it, although it might not seem like it). If it's a funded place rather than getting individual funding seperately - even better, as that really depends on the opinion of the supervisor and how you click. Definitley apply to as many as seem suitable.

I agree - either do it now or wait until you can save the fees as well. Funding for masters is about as common as hens' teeth. If you can get part-time work, perhaps you could look into a part-time option - but I recommend going full-time if you can.

Competition for these awards is tough. What were you going to live on without it? Many of us couldn't do a PhD without an award that had a maintenance component.

Biochemistry is my old field and this is, alas, a very common problem. Sometimes things just don't work - over and over. If you knew exactly how it would work there wouldn't be any point in doing it - so it's always a gamble. And sometimes you lose. And sometimes you lose again.

You are doing the right thing in trying a new approach. As they say in Turkey 'no matter how far you have gone down a wrong road, turn back'. I know (oh believe me how well I know) it's demotivating when you plan something carefully and do everything and - it just doesn't work - but you still have a lot of time to do some good work - and show your skill at managing a challenging setback.

I feel like that some of the time, but less than I used to. I guess people tend to feel more like posting when they are not feeling so positive (me included). I find there are certain parts of the work that I have to keep at the front of my mind to keep my enthusiasm up. There is nothing like it though, in those times when something suddenly clicks into place and you jump up the ladder (the snakes are not so great).

I think a lot of us are better at expressing negative feelings than positive ones. I guess we should practice more

Qual methods are very new to me and i'd like to try some if I ever move on to a postdoc. My topic definitley requires quant methods but I'd like to try some qual to refine my target variables.

I agree with A - let's not slag off each others' methods. I didn't read anyone here badmouthing qual methods.

I am also writing up and feeling somewhat the same. I think it's very hard to hold on to the initial enthusiasm and energy at this stage. I just want to get it done. I am also waiting for a reply requesting to meet with my supervisor to go over a draft chapter. Not sure when we last met - maybe Feb, Mar? Hopefully our mutual eagerness for me to submit will increase our meetings and feedback. I think approaching submission it is reasonable to expect a bit more input from supervisors.

Long - alas no you can't as you are not paying tax.

Totally identify with Shani's comments. I have found myself reinventing (or inventing - who knows...) the wheel and having little support (well, none really) because no-one else crosses the disciplines that I cross in quite the way that I do. But it's good to have your own patch.

About the maths thing. I am pretty good but far from being a professional mathematician - I meet a ton of people in psychiatry who can boggle my mind with thier maths skills. But I have, happily, come to realise that I have a particular skill for manipulating thoeretical concepts via numbers (if that makes any sense). I didn't know that when I started out - it has become apparent and it's probably the skill I will always depend on.