Interesting, Sleepyhead that you both expect to work 2 or 3 days a week. I'm hoping to do the same but it is VERY rare where I am. I'm told it has been done - but I have never actually found anyone whose dept actually agreed to it.

Oh that is certainly a big headache - the short contracts. My husband is a long way ahead in his career which is good in that we have financial security and stability but it does mean that there is absolutely no hope of my being able to move to get a postdoc - and that will be a major headache.

It's not that unusual to move a lot with a young family. We have decided not to do that - but I know a lot of people (in alsorts of professions) whose jobs have required a lot of moving. It can work, espeically if the moves slow down or stop as they get a bit older. I see some people having their children while both parents are PhD students and there is some method to their madness. Hopefully at least one parent will get tenure or similar by the time the youngest is ready to settle at school.

My husband is not an academic but very understanding and interested in what I do. He works long hours himself - there are many professions that are pressured with long hours, unfortunately.

Totally agree with Shani's list except for being able to organise your time - with a young child I can no longer do that and time pressure is intense. My big concern is the compatibility of an academic job with family life. If I could settle that one - I'd be OK with it.

It's just supply and demand. It's hard to keep trained staff in rough jobs like bus driving but there are always more than enough PhDers looking for postdocs.

As for putting off e.g. having a family because of the salary, how do you suppose the rest of the population manages with many families managing on less? You just have to cut your cloth according to your means.

I have absoutely no idea about your topic but have you checked the literature to see if there is any work already done in that area?

Spacey - funding in soc anth is VERY VERY scarce.

That is common practice - I used prepublished measures myself. The problem with constructing your own measure is that it needs to be properly tested and validated - which could be a whole project in itself. Using prepublished measures means that you do not have the additional burden of validating your testing measure. If there is time/scope you could think about formulating your own, perhaps improved measure, based on the outcome of the comparison of the other two.

Hi - I'm in a related field and self-funding is quite common due to the the high demand vs supply of funding. You should be able to get the same teaching opporuntities as a funded student - but you will need to be able to fit them around your work. I have known self-funded students get academic jobs - it really depends on getting a good enough PhD and finding a position that relates to your specific area (the latter can be difficult).

26 months - oh dear. But after that, could you relocate for your writing up at least?

Have you gone to another country which is not your native language (sounds like it)? If so, I would seriously advise that you learn the language although I know from experience that that is a tough option. Could you advertise locally for a converstional exchange - language S for English? That can help socially too (I did this in Turkey for example).

If your project area is OK it does seem a shame to quite but I do sympathise with the isolation - that is tough. This is surely something that your supervisors will meet over and over so they must consider how they will deal with it.

I'm not sure exactly what your reasons for quitting are. Is it that you lonely and isolated in general or that you are cut off from seminars and other researchers in particular? I wouldn't quit over the latter - but the former can be serious if you become depressed and demotivated. Is there anything else at all where you are, even if it's not connected to your instition at all?

If you are collecting species-related data, is that over a specific time period? If so, could you relocate to the main campus for the rest of the time?

Every one in my dept did an MPhil first as far as I know - we are a mixed bag - borderline humanitities/science. It's especially common if you are changing fields. I couldn't have managed without mine - it enabled me to switch fields and also made me familiar with some of the research methods.

Your university may have childcare bursuries. (At mine, these are means tested and I didn't qualify as my husband works.) As far as I could see, government childcare benefit is only for undergraduates. Consequently, almost my entire grant is eaten up by part-time nursery fees.

Not sure about funding bodies. I had my daughter during my PhD so there were no dependents on my funding application.

I also have a secret alternative plan...

One of my closest friends has just left a 20+ year career in academia and thinks I am nuts! But I don't feel any pressure to have a long-term academic career or tenure. I would like to do some more research though (I think). I am used to changing careers or flip-flopping between them.

Sometimes I wonder if it's only me that feels the strain and the lack of companionship that this is causing but then we talk about and clearly he feels it too. So do talk about it - don't let your gf think you haven't noticed things changing.

The worst will be this year - but of course - if you carry on the pressure never really stops (my husband works more hours than I do and he's not an academic).

We'll just keep trying to plan our time and hope we can get through the year without becoming strangers! I totally know the sneaking off to the computer 'for 5 minutes'. Happens here all the time.

I think firstly you should talk to your partner about this issue rather than just worry about it. I do think you havge to schedule in time for each other. My husband and I both bring home a ton of work and all our time seems to be stretche dbetween work and childcare with nothing left over. It's getting worse as I'm now writing up and he just got a big promotion (and we're moving house). We keep revisiting this very topic and trying to make some kind of plan to deal with it.

I try to keep Friday night, Saturday night and most of Sunday free - but, for example, that didn't really work this week as he had a majore deadline today and is now in the US - so so no childcare help for me so then I get behind and I will ned to catch up when he gets back and son and on.