The Tortured Nerds?

Sounds a great idea :-) I've always wanted to be in a band - was once, years ago, but now... well.... my piano is dusty, flute and clarinet haven't seen the light of day in years and lets not mention the guitar - I had to hoover it the other day lol lol lol.

Hi Bug, sign me up too :-)

I'm currently in the middle of a manic week and like you I have paid dept work and the PhD work (FT) so r&r is not in a good balance right now.

I have a lot to do this week - I have to submit my upgrade paper at the end of the week - its nearly there - I don't plan to do much work today - I can't work til this pm anyway as hubby is at work and its tricky with a demanding child in tow lol - but this pm I plan to do at least a couple of hours editing work. The paper is written as such but needs translating in to English lol - plus I have the bibliography to do still, full referencing (I tend to do them as I go but in note form - ie W&W p50 - so that needs doing - tables to label. My back is very bad again today so I can't do much and need to make the best use of my time before it kicks in again.

Over the next week I have to complete the paper, tart up, title, etc etc and get ready for presentation on Friday - I'm rather nervous - not sure why, sup saw it in its raw state as it was too long and I needed help with what to cut, and said (I quote) its looks fabulous - which made me so happy and excited - I guess that with the other two members of the board though and him then reading it properly there is that worry that it may not be as good as he thought. I have the actual board on the 17th and am dreading it. This will be a tough one and although I'm told upgrade for me personally is pretty much a formality, until the get the letter from the post grad board there is that concern that they won't agree and it'll all be over.

Anyway, i'll be back to post how its going :-)

Oooh ooh, I know about the lift thing - you're safe Wally!!! I've read somewhere that if you are in a lift with a particularly large person, provided you can kind of sit on top of them then you're less likely to end up pizzafied yourself :-) You can't do the jumping thing, it doesn't work, BUT if you jump onto a large person then them being ermmmm mashed up by the impact will reduce the effect on you :-)

I'm not a global warming fan - I think its a big means of increasing taxation - not the climate change isn't happening, but I think its incredibly arrogant to suggest its manmade - controversial but hey ;-)

Bug - I too wonder about Word - I find the same - and if you have the same word 3 times in a paragraph they can almost be guaranteed to line up and out has to come the thesaurus ;-)

I totally agree - if someone goes out of their way to help you more than once why should you not be able to effectively thank them more than once? There are people here who seem to post on almost every thread and obviously have put time and thought into their answer - but you can't give them a star if they've also helped you a few months back?

Interesting thread - I too have back problems, nothing like so exciting as Sneaks, but its there and i've managed to mess up all areas of my back over the last few months. The summer was good - we were moving, I had a board paper to write, my desk was moved early on and I wrote in it a squidgy deep chair with the laptop on my lap - cue messed up shoulder and upper back causing me the most incredible headaches too. Then a couple of months back I somehow managed to do something to my lower back and the pain - arrggghhhh - nightmare - I know its because my desk is an H&S nightmare - high old table, rubbish chair thats too low - I've even managed to mess up my left wrist - hurts at the moment - I think from sitting with my hand resting on the laptop while typing - so these things are so important - I'll go have a look at the links :-)

Awwww Wally ((((((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))))) (sorry, best I can manage - I'm rubbish at rhyming ;-) )

This too shall pass my friend, in a few years you'll look back on this and laugh with joyful pleasure at being Dr Wally and no longer stuck in the pure living unmitigated hell that is being a PhD student ;-)

I'll second/third/however many it is - the other suggestions that you just take the weekend off - chill out, have some fun, watch crap tv, read a tabloid newspaper just for fun, go out, see real life breathing people who don't sit all day with their heads in books sobbing quietly and remember that there is life after this. Yes, the next 7 months may be hell, but there will be good bits too - hang onto them. You've gone through too much to quit now - besides, we'll hunt you down and pin you to your desk if you try ;-) You have 4 stars - you can do ANYTHING!!! 8-)

Seriously though, I really feel for you, its hell, pure hell at times, but I'm sure it will be worth it one day - wearing the funny hat for graduation surely has to be worth another 7 months of sh*t flying at you????

Take care, you're normally the life and soul of the forum but we are all allowed our rubbish days, you don't come across as moaning, just as tired, run down, fed up and generally argghhhhh - we all know how that feels :-) xxxx

Hello Anne1

I don't have Aspergers, but I do know of a couple of friends who have managed to get through uni with it (and one who didn't...) Obviously I don't know which uni you are at, but the people I've studied with did speak to the support team and found nothing but help and understanding from our lecturers - once people know you have Aspergers (or any other ASD condition - my son has aspergers and dyspraxia) then they can work with you to make things easier for you. Its not a question of giving you an easy ride or making huge allowances - that would be patronising in the extreme - but if they know that things like changing you schedule etc is going to cause you issues they will do their utmost to smooth it out so that you can concentrate on your studies and fulfil your true potential.

I'm not sure why your website says that you should tell no-one, ever, its almost as if its trying to hide who you are and there is nothing to hide - you know that :-) The friend who didn't make it through did hide it - I only found out a few months back when, after a lot of struggling and dropping out she told me when she found out about my son - its such a shame. She is bordering on genius but just couldn't cope with a few aspects that could have been sorted. She's now planning on going back having been given advice by another of the aforementioned friends and this time its in the open and I'm sure she'll produce some really astounding work.

See what you can sort out - p/g or u/g study is hard enough as it is, and if there are a few things that can make a huge difference then do it and then you can concentrate on your work and not on the issues :-)

======= Date Modified 21 Nov 2009 23:29:13 =======
I'm also an older PhD student, again, not as old as your older fellow students, I've just hit 40 a couple of weeks back.



I too think its swings and roundabouts. I couldn't have done this when I was younger - I didn't have the sticking power or the work ethic, but then that was just me, I was a lazy little sod and gave up on everything to easily - that isn't to say for a second that any of the younger people here are like that - far from it - but just that for me personally it would have been a non-starter. I've also worked a lot in different things, have a lot of different experiences - and no, I'm not phased by the age of supervisors, but I do respect them totally. Some of my tutors have been younger than me, my current supervisor is older - but I don't think age matters anywhere near as much when you're in your late 30s onwards - its not an issue anymore.



I do wish though that I could have done this when I was younger. To have had the luxury of studying without 3 kids, a husband, pets, a house to run and all the worry of not only making ends meet and making sacrifices for yourself, but your kids having to also because you're doing this is hard. To not have those additional worries would be brilliant. If my children are sick I can't work - I have to care for them. I have to stop at 3pm for the school run, I can't start until I've dropped the kids at school in the morning etc etc - it all adds up to a lot of midnight oil - ie working when they are in bed. The social side is hard - I can't go out and party, I'm older than a lot of my uni friends, I can't relate as easily as I could if I was their age. Having said that mixing continually with much younger people keeps me much younger in my outlook - people don't believe that I'm 40.



I don't think there is an ideal age though - for me personally this is my ideal age - but for others it is doing it much younger and getting on the career ladder sooner - horses for courses - I know what I want enough to go for it and work through the tough time and I couldn't have done it when in my 20s - but in my 30s and 40s I have massive responsibilities and am torn in all directions but have a far more developed work ethic and sense of purpose than I ever had - I'm finally finding out what I want to do when I grow up lol lol (still waiting to grow up though ;-))

I totally agree with what's already been said - what will matter to you more this time next year - that you missed a couple of days and possibly (although I doubt it) annoyed a stroppy professor, or that you weren't there for someone you love?

If they are improving then go, if they aren't then don't - what would you get from the course anyway if you're worrying so much about your relative? As regards the professor - well, even the most stroppy and difficult ones have families, have people they love, and understand what its like to have someone they care about in hospital. They may well get stroppy with the students who don't show and give silly excuses - I don't think that that will happen with you

As far as your mum is concerned - well.... mums do come out with some clangers sometimes (I know, I am one lol). She means for the best and is no doubt trying to motivate you, but if she's anything like mine she'll sometimes say the opposite of what will actually work ;-) You'd have thought having known you quite literally you're entire life they'd know what makes you tick by now wouldn't you :-)

My sincere best wishes to your family Natassia - I do hope that things improve quickly for your relative. Keep things in perspective - your studies are very very important, but your family far more so

Can I stay Wally??? I know that I don't have the four stars of greatness, but I am rather enjoying the Blue Nun and White Lightening!

Oh heck, he's here - quick, hide the Blue Nun!!!!

I do find myself very much green with envy at those of you who have amazing stipends - I'm doing this with my fees paid and a £6K a year bursary!

But anyway.....

At the moment I'm stuck in the middle of writing hell (14K words this week so far) and so its not a good place for me as I'm tired and fed up lol and my initial reaction to Lostinoz's question was 'God knows!!'

But.... thinking about it logically with what remains of my befuddled brain, I really can't think of anything else I'd like to do right now.
I love my subject although its causing me stress right now
I really enjoy the environment I work in and the people I work with
I'm actually improving myself
Yes, I want to be a Dr, but its not my driving force - speaking of driving though, I didn't know about the reduced insurance - woohoo - bring it on!
I like that idea that maybe, in some small way I might contribute to existing knowledge in my field

I find the whole process very much a love/hate relationship - there are times I'm so fed up and down that I'd quite happily jack it all in and call it quits - other times I love it and am genuinely excited by it. I'm getting to do something that I really WANT to do, rather than something I HAVE to do, and I consider myself very privileged to be in that position right now.

That is absolutely brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't laughed so much in ages, thanks for that :-)

======= Date Modified 18 Nov 2009 22:56:38 =======
Hi there,



I think anyone who has suffered with depression will understand completely - I've suffered with it on and off my whole life and know so well the urge to hide away, lock yourself up and end up in a total mess - I've done it, recently as well, but I seriously think you need to speak with your doctor - what you did is a classic 'side effect' (for want of a better word) of serious depression.



Nobody is going to ridicule my friend - many of us have been there - more than you could imagine! You wouldn't be turned away from a PhD because of this - far from it - you've been sick! It happens, its life, and it doesn't affect your ability to do this other than needing to take extra care of yourself and spotting the signs early and getting help.



Please go and see your doctor, explain to him/her what you've explained to us and accept their help and support. Do you have (you must have) a student support section at your uni? Student support always has people who are trained to help students suffering with stress and/or depression and they may well be able to intervene for you if you need extra support getting through this.



Take care of yourself, don't feel embarrassed, depression as you know is a physical condition and not a sign that you are a weak or stupid person - its just an illness in the same way that nobody would ridicule you or think any less of you if you came on here and said that you were having problems from any other illness.

edited to say please please don't be tempted to fake the doctors note - just don't do it!!!! See what they can do about it to backdate your LOA claim and explain your situation

======= Date Modified 18 Nov 2009 10:10:18 =======
Hi, so sorry to hear of your experiences - it sounds to me as though you're suffering very badly from the PhD blues, combine that with being sick and getting a grilling and well.... you engaged your mouth before your brain... hey, we've all done it at some point or other.



I do agree with Wally (as ever, a very wise man even if he does badger for stars :p) and would urge you to sit down, think things through calmly and try to revist why you're doing this - what made you fill in the application? What is great about your subject, what questions are you going to answer?



Your latest post bothers me - that you're gonna sit down and give this 100% is great, but that you'll possibly quit if supervisor B still shreds it??? Come on.... do you ride a bike? Did you fall off when you were learning? Did you get back on, learn from that, and now be able to zoom around as you'd never have imagined when your dad took your stabilisers off? Did you come out with incredible spellings as a kid? Did you get your sums wrong sometimes at primary school?



We are NOT the finished article, we're learning, all of us, and part of our craft is learning how to write to a very high standard. You and I are at the same point in our PhDs give or take a couple of months, sometimes my writing is barely legible! Its getting better, slowly, but if I were to send to you the upgrade paper I'm writing at the moment you'd laugh - trust me! I'll edit it endlessly and hopefully by submission in a couple of weeks it will be better - but I know that I'll get a LOT of comments, but each time I learn from them, improve a bit more, and hopefully by the time I submit the thesis my writing will be such that they'll not give me one of those alphabet charts to learn from ;-)



Your supervisor B sounds rather vicious - some are - my supervisor who looked after me for my BA dissertation while my main supervisor was on sabbatical was one of them - but you know what - after some rather thorough maulings in which a couple of times I ended up in the common room in tears and threatening to quit - I improved so much. I remember he gave me back the draft of my full dissertation - 2 weeks before submission and said, its really very good, just a few points to address - I looked through and every single page had at least five corrections to deal with, most a lot more. I asked him if it was bad if he'd have handed me a carrier bag full of shredded paper lol. He critised EVERYTHING, commas, too many, too few, language, style, content etc etc - I got a high first for it in the end - I'd have scraped a 2:1 as it stood if I'd had a lenient supervisor so I have a lot to thank him for! You will with yours too if you can just get over this reaction to criticism - its his job - he's there to make sure that you do the very best you possibly can - and if you couldn't do he wouldn't bother!



Take care, chill out, and think about all of this logically. You're here to learn and to improve.