try and practice smalltalk on people? start with people at parties and then build up to people at your faculty
it's very important to be able to talk to other researchers at conferences (and at your own faculty) because networking DOES lead to research/job opportunities, so they do have a point. i'm not very good at smalltalk, but i do give it a good try...

my present specific area is adult L2 acquisition and i have done work earlier on prosody, codeswitching, bilingualism, phonetics, language typology, sign language, space, language & cognition, L1 attrition and pidgins/creole languages.

i consider myself expert enough to have an opinion on what is a language and what is a dialect.

i do not have a high opinion of the "fuzzy chinese" article by the way, for several reasons.

i read the article "fuzzy chinese" (couldn't find the exact title you suggested on google) and i don't quite understand why you interpret it as meaning that kantonese is not a separate language.

you eat that food and those 8 pounds will be right back on, plus more.

no thanks, i only read books relevant to my specific area

having or not-having a written version does not make something a language or a dialect. most languages in the world do not have a written version.

yes, i am a linguist

isn't it normal to have a paper rejected several times?

cantonese is not a dialect, it is a language.

you should use Endnote. then referencing is just a doddle...

a conference's main use is networking.

presenting new stuff is only really important when you're a newbie - so people can get to know you. the more experienced people go there to meet old friends, drink coffee, pick up new phds/post-docs and talk over projects with partners. it's not as anything was really THAT new anyway if you're keeping up with the new articles.

people know you'll be nervous to present (they were/are too) and expect it.

i have decided to wait with babies until after my phd. my mum broke off her phd halfway through because she had two toddlers and couldn't afford it anymore. i don't want that to happen to me! i just hope i'll still be fertile when i'm finished...

i hate people who just read off their scripts. and i tend to find it unprofessional if someone doesn't use powerpoint. that still sometimes happens at conferences (older people usually) and it really irritates me.

you could also go to student conferences and practice holding talks there, that's how i started. become a member in your national student organisation for your field and go to the conferences they organise. that's usually pretty cheap and it's good to get to know other students and find out what they are doing. also, a lot of top people tend to go to these conferences and sit in on the talks to check out the new "talent".

i have to do an MRes too, to get the ESRC funding (apparently you have really bad chances applying for a +3 if you haven't done a research council approved MA). i am currently finishing a german MA, but decided to go for a 1+3 application in order to get the funding. it worked.