I know what you mean DanB. In my camp a staff member was supervising an undergrad on placement and it ended in an affair - eventually he left his wife for her. I got caught right in the crossfire and it was most uncomfortable.

I'm intrigued by all these people saying they have young, attractive lecturers in their subject.... what subjects are you people doing and why is every lecturer in mine a crusty 60 year old!

I've thought a great deal about this in recent months, and I still find myself to-ing and fro-ing on a regular basis. There are moments when I love what I do; the challenge, the constant flux of new ideas, the freedom, the great people in my department and diversity of the work. But then there are times when it feels like a never-ending struggle, and I look at the people around me - no job security, stuck as lab managers because they've become too senior for postdocs but didn't try to be professors, lucky if a post comes up which doesn't mean uprooting 500 miles away.... and for those who are/aimed to be professors, the hours are demanding, more so than I'd like because work really isn't all I want in life.

I think that to succeed in academia you've got to work damn hard, and you've got to really want it. In all honesty, I just don't think I want it enough. I also don't think I've actually got the intellect or work habits to be anything more than a pretty mediocre researcher, feeling incompetent gets you down after a while. I did contemplate industry but that's not a major option in my discipline, and I get the impression in can be a bit of a soul-destroying conveyor belt version of science anyway.

I've applied for an MSc that would train me for a specific NHS post, and I've got an interview next month. I still break out in a sweat at the thought of committing to that alternative plan, I worry that I'll miss the cut and thrust of research, that I'll be bored in the nhs work/bad at it, that I'm not aiming high enough and just leaving academia because I have so little faith in my abilities (I sometimes wish I could just sit down and bluntly ask my supervisor if I'm competent, I really have no idea).

I want a proper work/life balance, more than really going for it in academia would probably afford me. But most of all I'd love to be in a job where I want to put in the extra hours, I know people who feel that way about their work in academia and I want to find that passion in my own life, I think if you feel that way, it is worth it.

I feel left out!
*sigh* perhaps my beard put her off.

It's taken months of grueling work, diligently posting when I should have been phding. Late night's on the nocturnal thread and entire days in the offtopics section.

But I am victorious! Four stars are mine and I can now saunter into the four star lounge, flashing my VIP status at the door. Perhaps I can even sign in a lesser-starred guest or two?

But what.....the lounge is derelict! Empty bottles of blue nun, crushed white lightening cans filled with fag ends, Wally, sitting in a corner clutching his laptop as he rocks back and forth. What happened?

Jinkim that's fantastic! Well done and absolutely enjoy a holiday, you deserve it 8-)

I understand your fear alpaca, I'd rather have my entire supervisory team read my work than take criticism of it from my husband. I caught him watching a video clip of my science presenting the other day and forcibly turned the computer off to stop it! That said, I don't like taking criticism from anyone, I've been bitching and avoiding the last two days over my supervisor's first round of feedback (even though deep down I know it's generally helpful).

Do you have any fellow phds or friendly postdocs who could look over it for you if hubby is otherwise engaged and/or a bit heavy-handed?

Fantastic! Well done Dr Bilbo, it couldn't be more deserved :)

Five changes? My God Moggy, no wonder you're all at sea! Is this just due to people leaving or have they been unsuited to your topic in some way? I hope you aren't a fee paying student as that is fairly terrible.
Personally I would want to see my head of department and receive some assurances that they will appoint a suitable (and securely employed) team of at least 2 supervisors, and that they wouldn't penalise you in any way for this disruption.
I think having to alter your research directionis very tiring and it would make anyone question their work. The sooner you can decide on a definite approach and stick with it, the better your chances of seeing this through. If you've really had enough though, do you have sufficient data/writing to cobble together and Mphil thesis? Then you could always take that and start afresh elsewhere if you really want the phd.

As long as it won't stress you out or seriously mess with your deadlines, then chuck the laptop in a draw and have a holiday! Apart from anything your family will really appreciate it. They're more likely to support you through the years of phd obsession if they get little packages of time where they come first.

We had a lecturer at my old uni who got it on with three supervisees in a row! The scariest thing is that while he's otherwise not a bad bloke, he's truly quite unattractive. I think it's a real grey area and there are a lot of power issues (not to mention lawsuit issues) that you can trip up on. I don't think you can tell adults how to live their lives but I do think that lecturers and supervisors should tread very carefully.

Urgh, how gruesome keenbean!
I had a friend like that at undergrad, he was well known for it in our social circle and would compete on anything and everything. Didn't matter if it was our first charity fun run, our dating situation or our thesis topics. He would try to be supportive, but sooner or later the competitive remarks would just slide out - he couldn't seem to help it. I think it often does boil down to insecurity (how many truly confident people need to trumpet their success?) but that doesn't make it any less infuriating I know. Given how hard you work and how much you've achieved kb, it wouldn't surprise me at all if she felt insecure next to you despite being a postdoc.

The only way I've found to deal with it is just to avoid the topics that spark their one-upmanship. Maybe whenever your flatmate brings up work just say something like "to be honest, I'd rather not talk shop after a day full of it, my brain's had enough" and leave it at that. If she ever asks why you don't want to discuss work, then you have the option of gently saying that she tends to be competitive and you find it tiring.

If you're feeling brave you could try this option first and just tackle her on every remark (depends how well she'd respond to having her self-awareness raised!). Something like the MSc comment is a classic snide remark, you could simply say "perhaps you mean to be supportive of my workload but what you said feels like a put down, I'm quite hurt by it". Usually people get away with their behaviour and I think they barely notice what they're doing, they're so shocked when they are challenged that they're often completely apologetic.

Well done keep calm, I'm sure your upgrade docs reflect the work you put in.

Now go do as your supervisor says! View it as a psychological experiment if you will but unwind properly for a bit :-)

Cheers guys,
I've done plenty of right-clicking already but the option doesn't seem to be obvious, nevermind, good to know it's not just me who can't see it!

4Matt - yup, one of the few useful things my uni provides without griping ;-)

DI2 - thanks, I'll try emailing them!

It never hurts to read around your topic and have some ideas, but what happens really depends on how firm the proposed project is. Your supervisor may already have half a dozen experiements that he/she wants done, or they may expect you to spend several months literature searching and defining a question. Don't worry too much until you get there and can figure out how things sit, you'll have several years to work hard....

In terms of meeting people. Yes, as an undergrad you meet people in halls, but by the time I was in fourth year most of my friends were based in my department. You'll meet plenty of other phd students through your work, and you can still join all the clubs and societies your heart desires. PhD students start according to funding, not freshers, so I wouldn't worry about that, at a big university like Cambridge I'm sure you'll make friends quickly.