Well done Wally, I shall try to use your good work as inspiration.

In the meantime.... here are the procrastinatory haiku I just wrote instead of finishing methodology in chapter 5:

An entire day
Spent orbiting my laptop
Yet no words to show

Overheating Dell
Five firefox windows open
Empty word doc still

19 days 'til move
Two chapters yet unwritten
Supervisor groans

An ambitious start
Then reality, three years....
Please just let me leave


I'm not sure that haiku were designed for expressing doctoral angst, but I must say, I think the stark format captures it very well.

A rocky start Jepson but it sounds like you rallied in style! Being asked to contribute to so many things is fantastic, you've made great contacts already :-)

Really glad your son got a good start too, sounds like time for a family celebration.(gift)

Oh Algae, that really is rubbish, damn insects! And damn lack of power over your own living space! :-s
Could you lay trails of tasty food to lure them into neighbours appartments so they all get stressed and campaign for fumigation as well?

I'm back on the midnight express yet again, having orbited my laptop since 10am but failed to achieve a single thing. I feel very strongly that this is not how your final weeks are meant to go, but I no longer feel capable of that hectic work intensity. I think I need Sue to fly over and knock some discipline into me!

I might be passing through Manchester on my way South, but not for a few weeks and it's a very flakey plan just now. Otherwise I'm pretty far away (seriously Northern) and probably shan't make it :-(

Right, 1000 words, a few tables and almost finished the method section for that chapter. Time for bed I think. Night all (up)

I found the same in my (over-full) glass-recycling box.
A wasp that is, not a sick person.

Well done on that word count wally! I'm not going at lightening speed, but I am getting some stuff done so I reckon I'll stay up for a bit yet. That said, so far my best plan for this section is still to bribe the postdoc I work with to write it for me - he understands it better than I ever will, and what's a spot of plagiarism between friends?

(NB - in case anyone knows me in real life, I am joking about the plagiarism..........This postdoc would never be that helpful)

Hell, who am I kidding? I've continued procrastinating. Here's, Just A Grad.....

Take this undergrad gown with it’s lies
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly what this means
This viva makes me
Want to kick and scream
'Cause I'm just a grad, little 'ol me
And my committee are a woeful sight
I'm just a grad, all submissive and meek
So don't let me have any rights

Oh...I've had it up to here!
The moment, that I have a social life
I feel I’m betraying
My academic “wife”
I can't do the revisions, sup two asked for
All those untracked changes
Sneaks just abhors!

'Cause we’re just grads, we'd rather not be
When they don't pay a living wage
Oh we’re just grads
The almost-30 freaks
While employed friends sit and stare
With wide eyes

I'm just a grad,
Take a good look at me
Just your pale depressed prototype

Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh...am I making myself clear?
I'm just a grad
I'm just a grad in the lab...
That's all that you'll let me be
I'm just a grad, living in captivity
Prof’s rule of thumb
Makes me worry some

I'm just a grad, what's my destiny?
My PhD is just making me dumb
I'm just a grad, my apologies
I’m just a drain on all your taxes
I'm just a grad, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh...I've had it up to!
Oh...I've had it up to!!
Oh...I've had it up to here!

Oh Wally, I bow to your songwriting skills, I knew you wouldn't let me down ;-)
I may actually print this out and pin it up on my office wall to make me giggle my way through the depression!

Unfortunately I've found that this form of procrastination is addictive, I'm currently re-working No Doubt's - Just A Girl, when really I should be writing the methodology for chapter 5. Oops.

Hey Algae,

Well you've got me for company tonight.
Serious sympathies on the cockroach front, eek! We once had a problem with them at my dad's place in Southern France, we seemed to get rid of them with the basic chemical warfare though so hopefully tomorrow you can mount an attack and reclaim your home.

Despite having three weeks until I move across the country to start my Masters, I managed yet another day of zero progress (what in God's name is wrong with me?!). So I'm sitting up with coffee and a determined grimace.

Full steam ahead on the midnight express......

======= Date Modified 01 Sep 2010 23:56:07 =======
Teek is going to attempt to get all old and wise on your ass here, so bear with me....

Right now you're doubting yourself because you're going into a new situation. That is completely normal.
Once you get into the PhD you may have (fairly frequent) crises of confidence. There will be times when the mountain seems vastly too high, when you feel an utter imbecile, and when you cannot believe that the professors/postdocs around you were ever half as fallible and human as you are yourself. This is also entirely normal and everyone else feels the same, so don't let it freak you out :-). Imposter syndrome will become a well known gremlin whatever your discipline (unless you're an egoist or a narcissist, but clearly that's not the issue here).

Above all the advice about referencing, writing as you go or communicating honestly with your supervisor, I would say this; you really aren't as thick/lazy/inept as you think! Guilt comes with the territory, but don't let it consume you. You'll never feel you've done "enough" work, so when the light's go off in your building for God's sake go home, get some proper food and rest. Keep contact with lots of other postgrads; no one else will be able to understand or reassure you that you're not going mad (or failing that, that at least you're going mad in good company). Lastly, motivation will come and go, if you can accept this rather than being terrified by it, you'll be fine.

Ps - this postgrad forum and phdcomics.com have pretty much saved my will to live, use them wisely ;-)

Oh Wally, you have no idea how much I'm looking forward to that! That song is legendary in my house (picture 20 members of a family breaking into an impromptu performance at a Christmas party).

Ah Wally, I wondered if that might lure you out of hibernation! Feel free to respond with another ditty if you feel the need for a little procrastination of your own ;-)

Bob Dylan's - It Aint Me, Babe, re-written by a woeful grad student

Go away from my desktop
Leave at your own chosen speed
I'm not the one you want, Prof
I'm not the one you need

You say you're looking for a grad
Who's never weak but always strong
Who will run your tests constantly
And publish each time you call

Someone to open that jammed freezer door
But it aint me Prof
Non, no, no, it aint me
It aint me you're looking for, Prof

Go melt back in the night Prof
Everyone inside is on facebook
There's no one in here working
And anyway, it's 5 o'clock

You say you're looking for a grad
Who'll promise never to part
Someone to work for years for you
With no pay but great heart

Someone who'd die for research and more
But it aint me Prof
No, no, no, it aint me
It aint me you're looking for, Prof

Alas, I shall not be there. But if we fancy a repeat later in the month...

Ah, sympathies algae, I used to spend summers out there and while it's gorgeous for a holiday, thesis weather it is not! Could you combine coolness with caffeine by making iced coffee? Tastes good and perks you up :-)

I am in the office and I suck, having achieved nothing (bar getting annoyed at R&D, yet again). So, today's goal.... fill gaps in this godforsaken chapter and don't leave the office until I've mailed it to poor sup!