Oops, can't seem to delete this thread. Just to say - resolved now.

Hi folks

In the continuation / upgrade report at the end of the 1st year, if you are presenting it as a lit review + detailed proposal, would you include ethics stuff in the appendices (letter of approval, information sheets)?

Cheers!
Tudor

Congratulations! That is such great news!

Echoing Pinapple30, I wouldn't use this bully as a referee in the future, even if things seem OK. Stabs in the back are shamefully common in academia (as in politics!), and there is little accountability.

Have you written your letter of notice? Just hand it in as soon as you can. Then it is 1 month. That is that - it is in black and white. Sorry it is such a horrid situation. You'll defo have no regrets about leaving.
Tudor

Thanks both for the advice.

I am going to remember the fist in mouth metaphor (I hope it was a metaphor!) and also try and find a mentor. I don't want my supervisor to be my friend. But I think all relationships are more productive when there is a small connection there (as opposed to constant clashing and feeling you've offended someone)!

Thanks for your reply Pjlu. I think you have hit the nail on the head - I think she does indeed find an outgoing and frank approach confronting. When I get the silent treatment I try to tell myself, "ah well, it is her problem not mine - she'll have to get over it." And she does. And I get over my anger too. But argh... for another 2 years?

You are right - I would not be able to just move on if it were a colleague - we would have to work together. But the thing that makes this more complex is the power balance / supervisor-student relationship. Because she is at a higher level, I feel almost like I am being defiant or arrogant by having confidence and a grip of my own emotions and behaviours while she seems to react negatively to this. Does that make sense? It is hard to explain.

So a question. Would you by all accounts be against trying to raise the issue and discuss it? That is my natural inclination in any conflict situation - so that we can be open and have a better working relationship going forward. But something has stopped me from doing that over the past nearly 2 years.

Thanks for the reply. Yes, we sort of joint wrote the proposal - but it was her original idea. She has said I can deviate from it, as we only wrote it to get the funding. She is an expert in her area, but my specific topic is relatively new ground for both of us.

I think she does feel threatened but it was like this before the PhD when it was just the masters and I hadn't at all deviated from the plan. So I don't think deviation from the plan is the problem. Personality clash I guess. Just don't know how to deal with it. Should I try to change my behaviour and be miserable, or be myself, offend her, and be miserable because I've offended her and made things harder! Those seem to be the options!

Hello everyone

I've seen so many things written about over-sensitive students having to get used to critical comments etc from supervisors. But what about if you have an over-sensitive supervisor? I can't find a single thread or comment on this.

I am not really sure how to cope with this. I am not rude or arrogant but I need to talk honestly and openly, when there are problems I need to discuss them, or if I have an alternative view I need to state it (within reason obviously). When I do any of these things - CLASH!, my supervisor almost visibly recoils, or if not in person, gives silent treatment by not replying to emails in the usual time-frame (I thought I was imagining it at first, but it is definitely a pattern).

I've never really experienced this kind of clash before, even though I worked for a good few years before embarking on my PhD. I'm a people person and not really inhibited or shy. If this was a personal relationship and now a professional one, I think we would both realise we are incompatible and move on as quickly as possible!

Oh - just to add - we seem to be able to get on OK for a while (probably while I am managing to put on a bit of an act that isn't really me) but then every so often there is a big-ish clash.

Can anyone offer any tips or advice, or share their experiences?

Feel pretty desperate.

I would absolutely take the job. The PI will have to get over it. Presumably he/she wrote your reference for the new job you were offered?

I wouldn't worry about the letting down part. If you're being bullied why should you stay?

Has anyone here had a similar dilemma?

This is good to know. I sent mine off a good few months ago and haven't heard a squeak so will give them a chase as well.

I completely screwed up my first PhD interview... all night for about 3 nights I had the perfect answers running through my head, and then kept hearing my stupid answers... SO FRUSTRATING - you've brought back memories of that awful feeling!

Anyway - it may not have been as bad as you think - in fact, it very likely wasn't. If you don't get the positive response you're looking for, just treat it as practice.

OK, let's focus on the less heated stuff maybe. Just to say glad you are back on the forum jojo. Look forward to seeing your new threads/posts and hope you had a productive weekend in the end!
Tudor

As a women I have to say... I don't think that disagreeing with parts of the original post makes those members sexist! Every coin has two sides.

Have resisted saying anything till now, as it seems a bit of a conflict thread! :o

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply with ideas everyone. Just to give a bit more insight, the criteria are quite specific (children of a certain age, 1-hour home visit required, English-speaking only - it is related to linguistics). I like the idea of rewarding schools. I just wish I could do something, ANYTHING without having to seek ethical approval again. They take SO LONG and time is so precious.

Also, it is just normal everyday participants (!) I am looking for. They don't necessarily need to have experienced a crisis or anything. They may not even be in one of the listed deprived area. Just not degree-level educated. Why don't they want to take part? The ones with degrees are super interested and have been passing on details to all their friends! ) :