Hello SillyBilly. I do not know exactly how to console you but to say i feel your pain and also that it is not everytime things go according to how we plan, we are bound to hit obstacles one way or another. I hope this does not affect your PhD substantially. Just pick yourself up and carry on. I have also hit a brick wall and do not know where to turn but i know somehow it is going to work out.

Doing things not related to your PhD is a definite plus, especialy sports. I've always played basketball since i was a kid so it was natural that i joined the club at uni, i joined the jiu-jitsu club also. I still do both but have slacked in basketball due to my location.

And yeah, drumming as well as other interests do help take my mind away from PhD work, even if it's for a little while

Thanks Olivia. A colleague at work is a jazz drummer, he intoduced me first to the jazz one and they mentioned that there was a blues/rock one the following week, so i went to that as well and loved it! It is really something being in a room with lots of other musicians, some old enough to be my fathers! lol

I'm a drummer. The last jam session was my first and i enjoyed it immensely that i am going again! I won't go as far as saying that i am a big fan and know all the 'players'at the moment but i am getting into it!

Next monday i am attenting and will actually be playing at a blues/rock jam session. The musicians are absolutely amazing.

Olivia, you're a fan of blues i take it then?

I am just out of my bed after an hour's nap, suffering from a nasty cold!

Although i am saying that it is entirely their fault for cheating despite the difficulties that may be faced in the relationship, that for the sake of moving on with the relationship (if that what they want) to know why and learn to communicate more and tackle it before it develops into something that neither can handle.

This is the same case in any situation or difficulty in a marriage.

No no no guys, please do not get me wrong here. I in no way condone cheating nor do I entertain the use of the lack of attention, sex etc in a relationship as an excuse to cheat. Perharps I should clarify by saying that in an event where a partner is discovered to have cheated or confessed to cheating and the other party wishes to forgive and give the relationship another shot or indeed head for an end in the relationship, it might be useful to learn during the course of their discussion about the situation, why the partner decided to cheat.

Of course jojo on the ground of infidelity, it is either of the two divorce or stay married and change your ways. However, you have to see it this way that it may not be a partner's fault for cheating (although i do not really see this as an excuse!) You may have been the one not paying your partner attention in the marriage, lack of communication, passion and a big one, sex- that once the other party finds someone 'out there' who in the least provides this, they are tempted.

Just like you said, Olivia it is their choice to cheat or not but you played a small part in it

It takes courage to do that I hope it pays off and hopefully you won't find other means of distraction

You are doing it for a noble cause, so i am sure you will prevail.

I am with you on this one eddi. Today, i can't seem to concentrate on work, plus i just got a very bad news from my supervisor (very long story)

I do understand that jojo and you do have the right not to let them another chance, but it might be helpful to look at from another perpective, and ask yourself whether you played a part in making your partner look elsewhere.

But it is the only ground that i might consider a divorce if i couldn't handle it (infidelity i mean). No one really knows what specific circumstance they would face in a marriage and no one goes into a marriage believing that it is not going to last (if anyone did this and are currently divourced, you know why)