So having started in a PhD as an enthusiastic and confident science geek, I'm now at the end of my first year and I'm pretty certain that it's time for me face up to the fact that academia is not what I thought it was, that it's not for me and move on. I'm not sure that I'm looking for advice (comments very welcome though), as I am 99% sure that I have reached my decision. I suppose I just need to put it out there and have something to look back on to remind me why I quit if ever I feel a tinge of regret.

I took on the technician/research assistant jobs in the beginning because I was new in the department (big mistake). I caught my supervisor bad-mouthing me in a public corridor. I am a shell of my former self in that I am sceptical of everyone's agendas and have no confidence or self-esteem left, as opposed to the happy-go-lucky idealist I was one year ago. I hate all the double-crossing and politics and ego-massaging that seems to be par for the course. I am currently caught in the crossfire between my supervisors and my committee who disagree on the level of support I need (who to trust when they have opposing views of my development needs?). I am sick of the uncertainty and being in the middle of a prolonged conflict, relaying messages between the two camps and taking the crap because I'm the messenger, even though I haven't done anything wrong, in fact exactly the opposite - I've done my best and it's not enough. I'm starting to think Radiohead were right when they wrote "Ambition makes you look pretty ugly". I'm not willing to put my health and sanity at risk for the next 2.5 years. I've never been so emotionally unstable in my life (I'm in my 30s), it's no fun for me and it's not fair on those closest to me. The thesis, the achievement, the title - I just don't want them enough anymore. Other things are more important to me e.g. family. Unfortunately, it's an interesting project, but the shine has long gone. It would be nigh on impossible to get back any motivation I once had.

Having worked in the public sector before embarking on an academic path, I realise now that, for me, the grass was greener on that side (it's not a case of rose-tinted spectacles). I sorely miss dealing with everyday people on a daily basis, being part of a genuine community and the satisfaction of doing something for others (not just chasing my own selfish ambitions ruthlessly and single-mindedly, as I would be required to if I stayed in academia). I've already started to put the wheels in motion for my Plan B and I finally have hope again.

I got ISTJ, with a thinking preference of 1%... how does this fit with doing a PhD?! Not very well I would imagine!

"The one word that best describes Inspectors is superdependable. Whether at home or at work, Inspectors are extraordinarily persevering and dutiful, particularly when it comes to keeping an eye on the people and products they are responsible for. In their quiet way, Inspectors see to it that rules are followed, laws are respected, and standards are upheld.

Inspectors (as much as ten percent of the general population) are the true guardians of institutions. They are patient with their work and with the procedures within an institution, although not always with the unauthorized behavior of some people in that institution. Responsible to the core, Inspectors like it when people know their duties, follow the guidelines, and operate within the rules. For their part, Inspectors will see to it that goods are examined and schedules are kept, that resources will be up to standards and delivered when and where they are supposed to be. And they would prefer that everyone be this dependable. Inspectors can be hard-nosed about the need for following the rules in the workplace, and do not hesitate to report irregularities to the proper authorities. Because of this they are often misjudged as being hard-hearted, or as having ice in their veins, for people fail to see their good intentions and their vulnerability to criticism. Also, because Inspectors usually make their inspections without much flourish or fanfare, the dedication they bring to their work can go unnoticed and unappreciated.

While not as talkative as Supervisor Guardians [ESTJs], Inspectors are still highly sociable, and are likely to be involved in community service organizations, such as Sunday School, Little League, or Boy and Girl Scouting, that transmit traditional values to the young. Like all Guardians, Inspectors hold dear their family social ceremonies-weddings, birthdays, and anniversaries - although they tend to be shy if the occasion becomes too large or too public. Generally speaking, Inspectors are not comfortable with anything that gets too fancy. Their words tend to be plain and down-to-earth, not showy or high-flown; their clothes are often simple and conservative rather than of the latest fashion; and their home and work environments are usually neat, orderly, and traditional, rather than trendy or ostentatious. As for personal property, they usually choose standard items over models loaded with features, and they often try to find classics and antiques - Inspectors prefer the old-fashioned to the newfangled every time."

Hi i just want to thank everyone who took the time to respond to my post. Some really good advice, thanks for the support. It's also good to know some of you can empathise, although I wish you didn't have to (for both our sakes!). I can safely say that this week is on a downward spiral, going from bad to worse. All I can do is continue working and try to ignore the bad atmosphere, which is difficult. I don't want to be a quitter, but I don't see why I have to put up with crap I don't deserve at work :(

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In addition, I drink liqueur or wine and eat junk food almost on a daily basis because it makes me feel better for about 10 minutes, a quick-fix I suppose (and also because I don't have the energy to cook proper food after being at work all day), I can't get motivated to exercise either because I feel so drained, and so I am gaining weight and losing self-esteem as my appearance changes. Breaking the cycle seems so difficult.

Hi, will keep this short, at some point today I started to feel really low about my entire PhD, I'm struggling with my lit review, there's a horrible atmosphere in the office and I seem to get a lot dumped on me, more so than others in my position. So far I've conveyed the impression that I can deal with everything being asked of me, but I don't think I can. Any advice would be appreciated. Many thanks.

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Thank you to everyone who has responded. I did check and I will be paying for this myself, however I found that I can get a discount by ordering hardware through Getech's Student Store using my university log-in. A 3 year warranty is offered on Toshiba and Samsung products purchased from this site. It's good to read your first-hand experiences with certain laptops... mixed reviews on Dell, still to hear something negative about Lenovo... thanks again for all the comments. I've got a lot of thinking to do...!

Edit: I know that I'll also have use of a desktop at my institution, so the laptop will be used for extra work at home during evenings/weekends. I could wait until I've started before buying one, but I'd also like to become familiar with it in advance of starting too. I've had some advice from my supervisor about particular specs that would be desirable, so that's also useful information to go on.

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Hello fellow postgrads, I've finally registered on this forum but have been visiting for several months. Actually I'm sure the good advice provided here on this site regarding PhD interviews partly explains why I am now looking forward to starting a PhD in the near future!

Having registered, I now see that I have chosen an inappropriately long user name, oh well, nevermind. I hope that I'll be able to provide support as well as receive some during the next 3+ years.

I am looking at buying a new laptop for the PhD and would like to know if anyone has any recommendations? I have been advised by my supervisor that I should definitely get a PC and not a Mac for the purposes of the software that I shall be required to install. I am doing a science PhD so I am going to need something that can handle large databases. I already saw a thread on here but it's a few years old now so I thought I would start a new one to see in the main players in notebook laptops have remained the same over the years or have changed.

The three brands that I keep coming back to are Toshiba, Dell and Lenovo. I've heard good things about all of them. Any input would be greatly appreciated.