Apologies if this sounds a bit self-pitying and rambling, but I've been feeling like this for about a month now and worrying about whether I am cut out for my PhD, which I start in January.

I live in London and my university is 60 miles away, about 1 1/2 hour's drive. During termtime when I had seminars for my MSc I went in 2 or 3 times a week, and a few times during the holidays. However this summer when I've been working on my dissertation (due in December) I've only been in about 4 times - although I have been making good progress working from home I really miss going to university and working there - I have been working a lot with my p/t job as well so sometimes it is difficult to fit a trip to uni in. I have had meetings and email contact with my supervisor and he is confident with my progress and keen for me to publish a section of my dissertation so I don't think there is much to be concerned about there.

Maybe I just miss the university atmosphere and want to get back to a bit of normality, I am going tomorrow so hopefully I will feel a bit better then. I just feel really distanced from academic life, like I was another person when I got accepted to do my PhD etc. I'm still really motivated to do it and I'm looking forward to finishing my MSc and starting it, but in a strange way I'm worrying that my supervisors have forgotten who I am.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense I've written it quite quickly but its something I've kept inside my head for quite a long time - if I mentioned it to my mum for instance she would just panic that I didn't want to do my PhD any more, which really isn't the case. I'm hoping that after going back tomorrow my academic spirit will return, maybe I'm just bored of working from home.

Has anyone else been through this, do these thoughts make sense to anyone, even sound familiar?

Nxx

Hey Natassia! I've always been based really close to uni, so can't really say I've been in your position, but it sounds a little bit like the 'what ifs?' that we all go through before starting out on a new phase of life! Will you be office based at the university during your PhD or are you planning to work from home? I think it's good to have as much contact with the uni as you can- I could work from home as I have a study but I find that my routine of working in the office suits me better and keeps me in touch with everyone (but everyone's different and has different ways of working!). I do know what you mean about the supervisor thing though- you spend so long writing your proposal then trying to get accepted and find funding if necessary, and then when that's over you don't really hear much from your supervisor until you start your PhD! That's quite normal too! I think you'll be fine once you've got going- you're clearly a hard working high-flyer, you've got the supervisor you want, the topic you want, and the uni you want, so I don't think you've got much to worry about. Once you've got into the swing of it you'll be fine! Best, KB

Hi KB - thanks for replying and sorry I've taken so long to get back to you.

I am planning to work from home 3 days a week and go to my little office space at university 2 days a week - I work as a pa for a few hours every afternoon/evening and for 2 days of the week I start a bit later so then I'll get a bit more time to spend at university. I do like keeping in touch with people and the uni working environment but gradually I've got used to working from home and can get as much done. It also works well with my horse as I can be a bit more flexible.

I went in last week and felt much better afterwards, like a proper student again I guess. I'm going away on Thursday for the weekend but will definitely go in nect week and hopefully start going twice a week again and re-settle myself now I have a new job and things are a bit more secure.

Nxx