======= Date Modified 08 Apr 2011 23:07:24 =======
Hi

I am looking for some advice. Last year 2009/2010 I was doing a MSc in my previous university but could not finish it and drop out after some issue with my Professor who was busy and left me alone.

This year I joined another MSc course in a different university under the same subject but problems appear in my way.

The problem is that my school is not comfortable with me and I do not know why. Is it because my previous university? (I remember in my previous university that my course director said to my that he knows about my hidden plan and my application to my new university and I did not pay attention to this. Is it indirect warning?!).

For my new MSc course, my tutor is the course director and my project supervisor is his PhD supervisor and a professor and together they worked with my x-supervisors in my previous university. My family is very supportive and always assure to me that each university is independant and what happened in the past will not affects me today.

I hear whispers around me and I tried to be ignorant and more tolerant. Nevertheless, I started my project at the end March. Suddenly my bench supervisor complained (PhD student) to my professor even before I worked with her and she claiming that I do not respect her. My prof gave me a harsh verbal alarm because I sent to her an email saying that I will be in the library until got prepared to start my project despite mentioning my start date in our meeting with the prof and our emails.

After we started, I felt that I am under her bully. She grab the instruments out of my hands and if some thing happened she blames my and yell at me ... I told you, you should do, etc. Yesterday she came to the lab telling me to leave because I did not complete my safety training. I went to complete my papers and every thing was ok and back to her and asked politely to be permitted in the lab to do my work. She took the documents and through them on the table and said that she is not interested. (then why she asked my to leave the lab?)

I collected my documents and went to my tutor (course director) and I broke into tears. Suddenly she entered my totur office and started to yell that I am lying. My tutor (also the course direct and my second supervisor for this project) change herto another bench supervisor who is English man and very supportive and friendly but has no background about my project.

What should I do and AM I cursed?? and why I am oppressed and emotionally exhausted and how to protect myself? Can I go to court?

I think starting at a new place is always difficult, and perhaps you are a little apprehensive having left the other place? Maybe these people are under a lot of stress? It could be they have too much work to do, and little things get blown out of proportion, like getting the safety training done. This is important, but also a hoop to be jumped through. She was perhaps a bit disappointed that you had not finished the training and this may just have been another problem to add to others that she already had. Often people will be annoyed about one thing which they cannot do anything about and transpose this onto another over which they think they have more control, in this case it was you.

Try to forget about this difficult start, you have a new person and it looks like they might be better for you. It may not matter that they do not know everything about your area, in some ways this can be an advantage as they will ask you things that you may well not have thought of, or they will be able to tell you if you need to clarify any points you make. Often people in the same field develop a sort of shorthand which means that sometimes they forget they need to reach an audience which may need more information to understand  something. They will also get you help in areas with which they are not familiar. Regard this as a positive step.

If you feel able, thank the woman for her help and get her a small packet of sweets, or a box or tea or something, nothing big - you may not think she has helped you much, but that is not the point. You will probably be working close by this person and it is far better to have friends than enemies in the workplace. Smile at people and they will smile back, frown and they will frown too. this is a new beginning for you. Forget about the other place and concentrate on this one, you will be fine once you have settled in. good luck. J.:-)

Sorry Joyce, I'm going to offer a slightly different perspective with regard to the supervisor and thoughts around this. Not to say that I disagree with all that you have said or that you haven't made some great points but I have a different view on the behaviour of the supervisor.

Julia, I think maybe, the other uni experience has made you just a little sensitive regarding whispers, etc. People may whisper or sometimes express gossip, etc-but this is generally because people just behave like this. They behave like this no matter who they are and what exalted profession they have. It is just normal (not pleasant but normal) behaviour for groups of people. I teach in a high school and most students begin practising their skills in around Year 7 to hone them to a devastating effect on many of their peers by Years' 8 and 9!

Adults continue this sort of behaviour but mask it to some extent and so often when it occurs, we think-'oh, has this got to do with me having come from another uni and have they discussed me, etc.' Maybe they have but that is in the past, it doesn't matter now and really everyone needs to move on. So don't let the 'whispers' get you down. Chances are they are not about you anyway-stuff like this can make people feel far more sensitive and paranoid about things so we add 2 + 2 and get 5-if you get my drift. Most workplaces gossip to some extent and you have to just deal with it and not get too involved in feeling bad about it. I have found though through experience, if you don't gossip or put down others randomly just to fit in then most people like and trust you far more. And if you have to vent your feelings or discuss someone else's behaviour, you find someone you trust who will listen and not pass it on.

Your supervisor sounds out of line and as if she has no people skills or is under some form of stress, mid life crisis, whatever fits... You would have to do the safety training, so that is something you need to take care of-but as for her attitude and approach-it is horrible. You don't deserve it. You have a new supervisor, who sounds like they are far more supportive, embrace this fact. Just be civil to the old supervisor- I wouldn't give her any little gifts. I just get a gut feeling that if this person is a bully and their behaviour sounds like they are, then this sort of behaviour just sends the wrong message. Be polite and move on and out of her reach. You are not cursed but people who like to bully have an innate talent for spotting a person that is an easier target.

This means they can get away with it more easily. I wouldn't go to court. I would get on with my new supervisor and get down to work. What you will also find is that most people around you will be quite aware of this person's difficult behaviour but they won't want to get involved because it can make their lives too difficult. This doesn't make them mean-just human. They have their own lives and don't want to make their work or study a working hell.

Try not too doubt yourself too much and just get on with your task-your project and your Phd.

======= Date Modified 30 Apr 2011 02:32:43 =======
======= Date Modified 27 Apr 2011 18:31:36 =======
Hi pjlu and Joyce and thank you for your advice.

I would like to update the situation.

On the last day before the Easter, I met my professor to discuss my results. He was positive about them to some extent.

BUT

I knew my results were not qualified to be submitted for my thesis. One thing that shocked me was that I found my ex-supervisor bench who works at the same place ruining my work.

The story is that I have to prepare some samples and book a machine to analysis them. Since the machine is highly booked, I have to leave my samples in a small store and wait 3-5 days to get the analyzing machine. During my waiting, my work were being ruined. Particularly, I booked the machine on Thursday afternoon and I prepared my samples on the morning of the same day. When I came afternoon, volumes and orders of the samples were changed. I tried to ignore it and carry on.

While I was working, a male ( a friend of my ex-bench supervisor) got closer to me and nodded his head up and down (like say HELLO!!!). I replied the same way. After finishing my analysis, my results were rubbish!!

I tried to get the matter down and easier with her. So, during the meeting with my professor, I asked him to be a medium between me and her to break the ice because I want her as a friend not anything else. He thanked me and appreciated my feeling but that should not mean back to work with her. So, he went out to find her around but could not. He asked me to go to her workplace (little bit away) and tell her three sentences politely; ( Sorry, I do respect you and I consider you are like my older sister).

I went and said them to her. But guess what was the response, I am busy, Please I am busy,,,,   etc  angrily. I will not forget myself for apologizing to her,,, never ever and Now my primery aim is to protect myself.

I don't have much advice to offer, sorry, just wanted to say I feel for you. If I were in your place, this would totally knock down my confidence and motivation. Are you the only one to have problems with this woman (you may as well be, since as far as I know, bullies tend to target only one person at the time). But since you said she works a bit far away, maybe you could try and use the lab when she's not there or anyway keep yourself out of her reach. I wouldn't apologize - just treat her with due courtesy but otherwise try to stay away from her, especially when there's noone else around.