======= Date Modified 30 23 2010 23:23:07 =======
Student/lecturer relationships: Damaging? Unprofessional? or OK?

I'm having this debate on another site, and I think a student (not one of mine) is sparing with me. Would like to know what you think.

It is probably a better procrastination technique than taking drugs anyhow, we don't all want to end up Boy George like doing community service and prison time, or like Daniella Westbrook with no central nostril bit, after all...

======= Date Modified 30 Mar 2010 23:34:17 =======
======= Date Modified 30 Mar 2010 23:32:35 =======
Good thread!

As long as they both consent and the lecturer isn't marking the student (for obvious reasons) or is his/her research supervisor at the time (for obvious and professional reasons, as well as the fact that a sup who loves you mignt not keep a more critical eye on your work), I don't have a problem with it. Then again, I do like my older men:$

I'm sure that it goes on in a lot of universities anyway. A lecturer in my department married her supervisor a few years after she finished - she said they just genuinely fell in love and that was that, awwh! :)

I don't think that relationships between students and lecturers are at all unprofessional. In Higher Education, we're all grown-ups after all. You're highly unlikely to find a 50 year old lecturer going out with a 20 year old. I suppose that others' perceptions of such relationships can be damaging to the lecturer and also to the student. But, if one went to the university I did, they would find that such relationships are not at all uncommon.

======= Date Modified 30 Mar 2010 23:55:17 =======
Hi everyone. HHHHmmmm it's a toughy... no?

I wouldn't date a supervisor due t my instincts screaming at me not to; me thinking that a sup who would date me probably wasn't that professional, and I'm paying for my training, so I want the best and because my PhD is so important to me I wouldn't want anything to muck it up. But what if both parties were single and fell in love? How easy would it be to wait? I guess the thing to do is just keep a professional dstance.

I defo wouldn't date an undergrad I were teaching, or even socialise in a big way with them, too risky, one false accusation or such could ruin a career. Plus, I like to be their teacher, not their mate - a little bit of disciplined distance is, I think, a good thing. I hope I'd wait for them to graduate, that would be best policy, I think.

In my old opinion (26) i would say that undergrads all look about 12, so wouldn't date any of them. My hubby's just said I shouldn't anyway cos I'm married :$

There is a prof at my uni who's a bit of a letch, charming at first but after 3 years of knowing him I've heard all his witty stories and now I can see him for what he is. I suspect that he has a lot of relationships with postgrads, but I don't think I would get to find out until I was a proper member of staff and in with the gossip.

We had a lecturer at my old uni who got it on with three supervisees in a row! The scariest thing is that while he's otherwise not a bad bloke, he's truly quite unattractive. I think it's a real grey area and there are a lot of power issues (not to mention lawsuit issues) that you can trip up on. I don't think you can tell adults how to live their lives but I do think that lecturers and supervisors should tread very carefully.

Hi Folks

Interesting thread. I know this is going to sound incredibly superficial, but I really cannot think of a member of academic staff at any of the universities I have been to whom I would actually want to have a relationship with. They are all old(er than me anyway), and often quite unattractive (in terms of appearance, saying nowt about their personality and stuff, although they are often also complete cows when you get to know them).

This probably works a bit different for the ladies as generally, and I do mean very generally, women are more ok with older men, and men with younger women. I think women are less interested in looks and tend to identify other qualities (which is just as well for a lot of male lecturers I've known).

So in short I don't see anything overly wrong with it, so long as both behave in a rational manner, I just can't imagine why you would. want too.

I haven't heard of this happening at my university, to be honest I don't think it would happen either. The staff in my department are all reasonably young and generally they're not bad looking, loads of the undergrads have their crushes on certain members of staff and apparantly they reveal them when they have to fill in the module assessment forms at the end of each semester...I've been told they can be quite explicit sometimes! I heard of it happening at Warwick, a friend told me about a girl we both knew who had a one night stand with a young lecturer, I would have never assumed she would do that - shows its always the quiet ones! She ended up getting a first so I doubt anyone found out.

I would never go there, even though I prefer older men, I just think it would be awkward and it is quite a gossipy department, I would quickly get a bad reputation. Saying that I don't think its especially unprofessional for a staff member to have a relationship with a postgrad as they are consenting adults, I just don't think its a particularly sensible thing to do. I think its definitely wrong for a lecturer to have an affair with an undergrad though; there is much more of a teacher/pupil relationship there I think. I think its ok to have a relationship after one of you has left the university, or you have both become staff members...still a bit odd though really. I personally would rather date someone outside of academia, I think that sort of difference is good for a relationship.

A very tough one... I think I'd also say that so long as the student isn't being taught by the lecturer (or supervised - dear God, can you imagine????) then I don't see the problem. By definition, although they look as though they are still in nappies, all students are legally adults, and in that then there's no issue really, but I think there's a definate problem with a relationship that is carrying on and the lecturer is marking that student's work. I'm not suggesting that they marking would be inaccurate - the lecturer has a career to take care of, but it would get very messy potentially - particularly if said student is an 18 year old girl who doesn't like getting a 3rd and lots of red pen from her boyfriend ;-) I do think that the potential pitfalls, legal issues, gossip, etc etc etc would just make it all far too hard for both the lecturer and the student and so should then be avoided. Fine after graduation, or if in another dept or in a different area where no professional contact is made and its purely personal.

As for people in our situation - supervisor/student - ouch!!! That needs to be soooo professional. I can understand how the whole power thing could be attractive, it is to women, but a complete stay clear zone imo. Maybe I'm lucky in that I'm married lol, and also in that the staff in my dept, although a few are quite good looking, are for the most part older, married, and although lovely people who I get on well with on a professional level are not the slightest bit sexually attractive lmao!

Definite no from me. It's an abuse of an unequal power relationship regardless whether the student in question is undergrad or postgrad and tends to end very badly for one or other party (generally the member of staff in these litigious times).

======= Date Modified 31 Mar 2010 19:56:33 =======
Most of the women I know are very interested in looks, very interested indeed... Going for the looker has, historically, been my downfall. I am trying to train myself out of that one; or else find the ultimate combo of looks, brains, humour and niceness.

I hope men are interested in brains, else my trump card (for what it is) is falling on fallow ground. I think my past blokes have been very much into brains, I think.

my husband says he is interested in intelligence and when I questionned why this was he said "so we can have conversatio......" at which point he turned back to kill a cyclopse on his PS3 game, so not sure what that says about men or my relationship ha!

I do know men are very swayed by personality. When I met him, my hubby was very much into davina mccall and some presenter called sarah who was a complete minger, but very bubbly - he couldn't see past the bubbliness to see the mingerness and he very much likes people who are cheerful all the time (very annoying if having an off-day on the PhD).

Think at the mo looks are important, but I'm also on a lookout for a vampire or someone who can change hubby into a vampire. - I did make him wear factor 50 suncream when on honeymoon so he would stay ultra pale!

he's just read my post and exclaimed

"Minatours are expensive!" (????)

Unprofessional in the extreme. And not fun to be in the middle when it all goes wrong... *DanB takes a withered tone of experience he'd rather not have had*