Hi guys, I could do with an outside perspective on this. I live with my boyfriend who isn't in academia and consequently I don't think he understand how serious it is. We've been together almost three years and lately it seems all the domestic things get left to me, I spend my free time, doing laundry, cooking cleaning and tidying up after him. If I say anything he's goes in a strop and says 'well your here more than me'. Fine I am, but I don't sit round doing nothing all day. I'm writing and researching and doing all the other things it takes to get a PhD done. What should I do, I just feel so under appreciated.
Please help,
Dx

I don’t think it helps but it might offer you some comfort to know that I have found myself in exactly the same boat. My bf works in the music industry/media and really doesn’t get the whole PhD thing. Although he tries his hardest to be supportive of what I do, there is always this horrible lingering misconception that I spend most of my time lounging around taking things pretty easy. Also because he earns a high salary and is paying our mortgage & covering my living expenses, there is a tension when it comes to domestic chores. Basically he does bugger all & it is left to me because I am at home & have a guilt complex about not contributing financially.

hi, i have two teenage boys, a husband who works away alot and have just started my Ph.D after doing an MSc so ican sympathise. i spend all my time either helping them with their homework or making an attempt with the domestic chores. Working on my project is an escape from all the hassle at home. i've decided to have a split personality, slave at home and student during the day..... seems to be working so far

Gosh, pinktrifle, you deserve a medal! Two teenage boys, a husband working away and a new PhD? Good on you. Hope you can reward yourself with a little 'pinktrifle time' occassionally - maybe a facial, a movie or an afternoon with friends every once in a while?

I am in the same situation as pea. My bf earns the money, and since my scholarship ran out 13 months ago, I have brought in the grand sum of $9 (my tax return). While he has been patient, my bf does make comments about 'his money' which I find insensitive. Jobs which were always his (feeding the dog, putting out the rubbish, ironing his clothes) have become my jobs...and I still do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. Sometimes I feel like a 1950s wifey whose only role each day is getting the dinner on the table before hubby comes home after a hard day at work and puts his feet up. I want a job simply so I can have some self-respect again.

my clan will sit and starve till i come home to cook!!
i'm doing a science Ph.D so no afternoons of 'pinktrifle' time unfortunately. leave the house at 8 home at half six, 5 days a week

I am in the same situation. I am doing a science PhD so out all day monday to friday and on a saturday I do voluntary work. My bf works full time. I spend most of my spare time cooking, claning, doing the laundry, looking after the cats. My bf plays xbox and moans coz I ask him to do a bit of housework on a staurday "his day off". He wonders why I spend so much time at my mums!

Thanks guys for all your replys, been away this wkend so couldn't reply sooner. Good to know I'm not alone in my less than blissfull domesticity Do you think we should set up some kind of support group or maybe send all our partners away on an intensive training course Mine whinged this morning when he had to separate his own socks before putting them in the washer... poor thing he has it so hard, lol

At least he is putting his socks in the washer! Be thankful for small blessing!

only under pressure lol

My other half is amazing - does practically all the cooking, loads of cleaning and is always saying I contribute too much financially (I work PT as well as study) and that he's happy to pay for me whilst I do the PhD (not that I would ever let him). He's a star!

Ohhh he sounds perfect....can I borrow him...

Your making us all jealous

can we arrange some kind of rota, where you lend him out to one of us each day...naturally you'd get him for the wkend

Where did you find this guy SIxKitten??

She found him at uni!

My bloke barely lifts a finger but gets away with it generally, apart from some moaning. Actually whenever I moan him into action, he does such a poor job that I always vow to never ask him to do it again, as I just have to re-do the job.

Examples include:
Managing to slather vicks all over the dishes whilst washing up (all had to be re-done).
Ironing more creases into his shirt and then insisting it was done.
Doing the vacuuming and there being more dust than when he started (I'm still confused with this one)

Although sometimes he does try hard and does an ok job of cleaning the bathroom (not up to my standard though).