Right, let's see what you all think! Have had a couple of discussions recently about whether you would be happy to be a housewife/husband when you have a PhD or whether you think you could do so much more.

My initial thinking was this - no, I couldn't do it, I'm quite ambitious and enjoy having a career and plans for my career. I enjoy what I do (most of the time) and I have a great work/life balance that means I get to do lots outside of work. Perhaps as I become more senior and work longer hours that will give a bit, but the extra financial reward should at least make up a bit for it. I thought, I would be quite bored even if I would be quite good as a househusband and always feel like I could do better than letting someone else be the breadwinner.

Then my thoughts kind of changed a bit. If spouse had a good job and was a high earner (I worked out this would mean at least 6 figures) then financially there would be enough security, could have a decent place to live (at least in a lot of the places I would consider living), a nice car, decent lifestyle. With no kids to bring up (don't want any, thankyou very much!) it means I could have the freedom to still pursue my own interests - I could write, do my own research, do a bit of consultancy work, do some tutoring, something to still bring in a bit of cash of my own to have as pocket money for myself but able to pick and choose. But also I quite like cooking and don't mind cleaning so would take good care of the house. It'd be nice to meet up with friends for lunch and do shopping during the week, a bit like PhD lifestyle used to be.

This is all hypothetical by the way. So would you do it? Do you think you'd be happy? What other pros and cons are there?

Or you can just tell me I am crazy for even thinking about such things 8-)

I'm already in a sort of similar position. I'm long-term ill (progressive neurological disease), so can't work at all, and am effectively the little housewife permanently at home, being supported by hubby's income (post-doc research fellow), with me bringing in no income beyond my part-time AHRC grant near the end of my PhD. I've recently completed my PhD, and can't use it for work. But I am planning to publish more journal papers, fit in more research as I can. If I was stronger I thought about OU tutoring or local evening classes, but those aren't practical options for me now given how disabled I am. But you can view the positives. It's not all negative.

Ah, the old work-life balance question...I reckon I could be a house -husband actually, though it may be a little emasculating. The thing is, though, I'm absolutely useless at housework. I used to hoover with the vacuum hose unplugged and swore blind it was faulty. I used to clean the carpet with green pan scrubbers and rub stains into the carpet. So, I don't think I'd be a house-husband for long. But if it's for someone you're in a relationship with and it makes them happy, I'd definitely have a stab at it. Plus, eventually wanting a mini Wally of my own, it's something I may have to do. I thought doing a PhD was supposed to make me a high-flying, dynamic researcher - but actually it's changed my priorities a quite a bit and domesticated me.

But...

Then there's the vanity. It feels really good to be doing quite important research. For people, colleagues even, to associate me with being a bright, hard worker and getting results. For my supervisor to say it's a pleasure to work with me. I don't want to be famous or anything, but I'd like to be an important professional who can afford to dress in something better than an Asda suit. But I'd like a family a little down the line and I want to go playing out with my mates. So, yeah, I'd be a househusband and, yeah, I'd reluctantly compromise on my ambitions in the end. Ultimately, I think that achieving a happy medium, long term, requires comprise. I don't want to find myself at the top of my career, years from now, in Sainsbury's buying Heinz soup (for one!), chicken tikka ready meal (for one!) and 5 bananas (one for every working day of the week). But we're all different I suppose. :-)

I'm no use at the housework I'm afraid. Used to be grand at it, then the disease struck, so hubby has to deal with most of that. So I'm not very helpful all around. But I still think doing the part-time PhD was worthwhile, and even though I won't be able to use it for work purposes I'll be able to use it and the experience gained in other less obvious ways. I'm certainly planning to.

I cannot talk about outside world but I learnt from my own department that no one is ready to go on an extra mile to help students, teach or help in research passionately. Most of em just do the bare minimum. I think the trend has changed from 20th century where people were so much passionate and took work as a kind of religion. Cutting long story short, someone would be quite lucky to have a partner like that who will give you even 1/4 of the wages to spend it as you like beyond bills. And that relation should be at an equality level. We all want to stay home, do research, write publications and get splendid lifestyle, holiday to Dubai twice an year and designer clothings..lol

Nope, would absolutely drive me nuts. It's bad enough being stuck at home, with only the dog for company, every day writing up. If I wasn't researching I think I'd get really depressed - would be horrible living a life without a purpose, without a job. A bit if tinkering with tutoring or consultancy work would also not be enough to fulfill me. And I couldn't bear to be financially dependent on my partner. Still, I suspect this is rather a silly thread, as this won't be an option for most of us...

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That's terrible :$, I thought the complete househusband package came with a free luxury car lots of pocket money and no restrictions/curfew on visiting friends or calling em at home. When I was married, I had an argument about expenses with my ex-partner. We were both working but it was only me bearing all kind of expenses. She called in an old lady who was our neighbor. She settled down the dispute by reminding me about an old English saying 'His money is her money but her money is her money'