Hello all,

I seem to hear and read everywhere that the Phd is a rather lonely experience. As a prospective research student (hopefully!), I do not know if students interact well or not in my department. Since I am a Master student here already, I only see phd students when they're in for a meeting with a supervisor, or when they're using the study desks to write their thesis. I am quite worried about ending up being on my own. How bad is this isolation? Did you manage to cope with it? What would you suggest to deal with it? I am very friendly, but maybe research students just want to be left alone and not socialise?

My suggestion is to distinguish the two words, solitude and loneliness.

Solitude is your choice to be alone even though you have many friends. Every human being needs solitude. It is a quiet time which one need for reflection or re-think future plans... When you're in solitude, you don't crave or think about others. According to Long and Averill (2003), "The paradigm experience of solitude is a state characterized by disengagement from the immediate demands of other people - a state of reduced social inhibition and increased freedom to select one's mental and physical activities".

Loneliness is about being alone when you have no choice... or you simple don't have any friend.

Two more interesting quotes:

Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone. Paul Tillich

The biggest disease is not leprosy or cancer. It is the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted - of being deserted and alone. Mother Teresa

Thanks MeaninginLife for these quotes, believing it or not, it was exactly what I needed to read this morning (but I didn't know it!).

@politics_student: I can't offer good pieces of advice, but in my experience (now at the end of my third year - out of four years part-times) the PhD is characterized by long streches of solitudes, which - when you're on the right level of focus and inspiration can really feel glorious :P - and here and there moments of loneliness. These occur to me as a feeling of abandon, especially when you're stuck with a problem you don't seem to be able to solve, or you've just discovered you did a mistake, and a deadline is approaching and your supervisors don't answer your emails. Usually, I panick then. After a little while though, something switches and I'm back in 'solitude-fight-modus'. :-) and curiously that's usually the moment when problems get solved!!
And my hope is that this process will lead at the right time to a new feeling, that of self-confidence in being an independent researcher. :P

I love spending time with PhD fellows, and all students I met were friendly and ready to spend time with me too. PhDs tend to be very busy and focused on their (also inner) process of becoming independent as researchers, so they may not have sooo much time to spend out. But that's fine since you don't have so much time as well, and so even when you're physically alone you know that you're on the same boat as the others!

I wouldn't worry so much! But of course, I can only speak for my experience! For me, most important for not feeling alone is the presence of my partner at home, ready to celebrate my small successes and listen to my whining in the down-moments. So I guess it's important the situation you have outside the campus as well.

Don't know if this helps...
xx

Perfectly normal to feel a bit anxious about starting a PhD. Not many people know exactly how it is going to be before they start.

But a PhD is a personal pursuit, in that it is ultimately YOUR PhD, and perhaps this is what some people mean by being on your own. There are periods of time when you will need to put your head down and get on with the work. It can be a solitary experience (and at times you will seek that solitude) and depending on your subject area, you might not work on the research itself with other students of but it doesn't have to be lonely. It is true that different people behave differently. As you hinted, some will not want to be disrupted, others will welcome a break to have a coffee and a chat.

There are opportunities to meet and interact intellectually and socially with other PhD students/post-docs/research assistants/academics, in your department or others. You will also have your existing circle of friends, this isn't going to go away.

Remember also that you will be part of a team, even if it is just you and your supervisor(s)!