======= Date Modified 23 Mar 2012 09:00:19 =======
Any suggestions for making new friends? Having moved around, experienced some life changes I find I've no real friends and can't get out for a night! Sorry, but building up a friends list on Facebook and chatting online doesn't do it for me.

I'm not a young pup (about half way through my working life!) which doesn't help. To top it all a few friends have gone a little strange...I'll admit to being busy with the thesis and so haven't been out

The point is I need to widen my social circle. Any suggestions that work?

Extra-curricular activities so to speak. Join a few clubs and things to meet new people. The clubs and things could be anything that you're interested in, sport, hobbies etc. You can always take up a new sport or hobby or interest too. The other thing you need to do is to make sure you don't say no to any invites, no matter how much you can't actually be bothered to go. The final thing I think is time. People take time to accept someone new into their social group, so it can often take longer than you would like. I moved over a year ago to a new city and it is only now that I would say that I have all that many friends.

There are also "friend finding" websites, but I'm a bit too old fashioned to try them, they may be great though, who knows?

Hope some of that helps,

SA

======= Date Modified 23 Mar 2012 09:43:16 =======
Thanks. You've hit the nail on the head to an extent, I think part of the problem is I have been saying no and if I was honest I don't really connect that well with those I'm friendly with (we just want different things). I think I should be thinking of some new sport or hobby as it'll be challenging, doing something for itself and hopefully a way of making friends naturally. Yes, people definitely have their comfort zone and don't welcome new friendships easily. Personally, I love meeting new people, don't mind who is in the company, as long as they don't make trouble, as it keeps things fresh and interesting.

I tried those friend findings sites a while back and it was absolutely terrible. Hands up in that I'm socially isolated but I don't lack social skills. I had people telling me (effectively a stranger) a detailed version of their life story to date and although I was just looking to meet some people with common interests the underlying current was people were out looking for love (masked as making friends) and they assumed I was in it for the same reasons. I also found people either didn't attempt to make friends (the face doesn't fit type thing) or they were trying to be best friends with everyone.

Thanks a lot for the suggestions.

I agree, sports is a great way to meet people. For starters, you're guaranteed to have something to talk about! The sport I'm involved with is fantastic for meeting new people. I find that people just love to talk about things they are passionate about, so even if you are just stood on the sidelines watching someone will start talking to you, asking your opinion, asking for a hand with their equipment, etc. I don't lack social skills as such, but can be quite reserved and find it hard to just start speaking to strangers. Fortunately, others don't seem to have this problem and I have made lots of friends with people who just randomly started talking to me at an event!! I don't socialise with these people in the evenings as unfortunately we live far apart, but I have some contact with them via the internet and often see them at events/competitions at weekends.

Thanks Smoobles, I agree and that's great to know. I just need to find out what hobby or sport best suits me.

It is a difficult thing, and does seem to take time. I suppose it also depends what you like to do socially as well. I've made a lot of friends through a particular interest - I'm a writer, so I go to a lot of literary/book events and have joined a local club and over time have developed a social circle through that. My partner, though, doesn't have that kind of interest, but has moved around a lot over the years for different jobs, starting again socially in several different cities (and countries). His tactic is to find the kind of pub/bar with the atmosphere that suits him and where people are sociable and there's a good group of regulars. He sits at the bar chatting to the staff and gradually working his way in until the locals know him and he finds the people within that group who become friends through common interests/characters/sense of humour etc. That approach does involve a lot of time, and trial and error, and drinking, though, so wouldn't suit everyone!

I had you down as late 20s, Delta.

Ian (Mackem_Beefy)

Thanks Batfink. That's another good point, rather than fitting in with the interests of others (and not really doing what I want to do or going where I want to go) perhaps I'd be better forming something and letting interested parties join that. Life's too short to be miserable.

I do look very young Mac but sadly am not.

I know but I hope for your sake your social life is better than mine or the next time I get out will be to collect my pension (which I'll not be entitled to as I lag behind in N.I. contributions!!!). Oh, what we do for an education...

On a positive, I just see this as a way of starting a new more interesting life! Bring it on...

I know you said no forums, but I joined a forum a few years ago to give me tips on my wedding. Then a 'splinter group' formed and about 200 people from the forum created a new one. I was nosy so joined the new one and now have a great group of friends from it. Its now a private forum so it can't be googled etc so we all actually meet up and use it as a better resource than facebook where we can all talk all day (it really does curtail work!!) - just saying they're not ALL bad - perhaps try finding one that is about *something* e.g. football, manga, fitness etc rather than just 'finding friends'.

Thanks Sneaks and Waddett.

I'm not a big fan of facebook and certainly wouldn't live my life on it (my profile is virtually blank) but I posted to see if anyone wanted to meet up and some got back to me (all people I know or have met socially) but I'm still going to widen my social circle as variety is the spice of life and friends come and go. I'll not rule out any possiblities as life is for enjoying!

Thanks for all the advice.

I don't keep in contact with anyone from my university undergraduate course (I started the course much later everyone else and so friendships were established by the time I'd started and that was a lifetime ago). Other PhD students lived in or came from the same region as the University but I didn't and mainly worked from home.

I've moved around a bit for short-term research posts. I essentially like my own company (I do need and like a lot of personal space) and am fine but recognise that I've become socially isolated and feel I should start digging myself out of this rut but it's up to me to be more proactive.