Do you find it hard to make new friends when you move somewhere new? I guess at Uni it's easy as you end up with lots of other students, even at PhD level, and find friends but what about when you get a job and move? How do you find some people to just hang out with and make life a bit less dull of the evenings? Especially when all your new colleagues live miles away and commute or have their own partners and friends etc?

Signed, Dr Billy NoMates

aww.. bless :-)

I suppose there is always spiders' method of making friends with flies? Or conquer from inside and make friends with their partners first....

Ok ok, joke aside, I think I'd look for some gigs or games to attend to in the evenings, to meet some like-minded people?

Not at all easy, in my opinion. I've moved a few times now for work, am back home a few years now and have been out with friends no more than a handful of times (seriously). Thankfully, I like my own company but really it is a bit much at times. I'm never moving away again even if it means I'm permanently unemployed as I'm beginning to realise life means little to me without family and to a lesser extent friends to go out with, if I wish to go out.

I'm sending you a PM with some suggestions.

I think it does get harder as you get older - peple seem settled with their own friends/partners. I know when my sister last moved she put a lot of effort into making friends by joining clubs and societies that she was interested. She ended up with some good friends but put more effort in than a lot of people do/would.
Last time I moved (which was to start PhD) I moved in with people. housemates=instant friends! then you can steal all their friends!

Thanks, Delta and 404.

Actually I did just check out gumtree and they have a music section - I've been wanting to team up with someone to do some piano duets for a while so that might be a good start. And someone offering free Japanese lessons...

Yeah I did that too when I moved in for PhD, but only have one flatmate now and he's a postgrad and really busy and said himself the other day doesn't really have any friends here! What a pair we are! Although he's only here for a few more months and I'm here for god knows how long so better get some friends or I'll go mad.

I do have one friend who lives nearby but I don't want to be hanging around like a bad smell all the time!

also checkout flickr groups in your area. Most city/town related ones (even venue-related ones) do weekly meet-ups for drinks and chat. Even if you are not a photographer, wanting to find out about the city and its people to make friends is good enough reason to join.

hi DanB
Nice question :-) I don't find it difficult to make friends; only difficult to find the RIGHT people I can click with. I've been in the UK almost 3 years now; I only found a friend I could hang out with (and laugh and do girl things together) after TWO YEARS. Being friends with lads are so-so; I find it difficult because theres always a dating factor there and I cannot date anymore :-)

The friends I have here: can't be too close with the lads, and lasses are always busy (boyfriend/family/own things to do). So I have learnt to be happy by myself :-) I see my friends when I'm at uni and that is enough for me. Weekends I am always alone, holidays too, now I'm used to it.
:-)
Satchi the hermit

Hi DanB!
I hate this kind of thing, I'm crap with making proper friends. I get on well with people generally, I'm just really shy about trying to improve or develop the friendship, plus there are few peopel I really click with! When I started my PhD it was in the same uni as my undergrad but all my mates either moved back home, went travelling or went to different places for work, and I was literally the only one left and had to make new friends from scratch. It's difficult when people in work aren't really available outside of that, I get on great with the folks in my office but they all have partners, children or commute to work....so I don't really have much advice actually!
What I did was joing about a hundred different groups and make friends there. Also usually you'll meet one peson who will be best mates with just anyone, usually this person is a little irritating after a while but as they usually don't mind hanging around with you all the time you can meet others through them (a bit cheeky I know, but desperate times and all that.. :-)). I also have made one truly great friendship through a club I joined and having a spare room in my flat that luck would have it they moved into and we became best mates after that. So I think a combination of flat-sharing - maybe when ur current postdoc guy moves out you'll get someone who is more outgoing and who you click with more..., perseverance with joining clubs etc and trying to meet people that way, and maybe even doing some volunteer work if you have the time? I've found that the people I volunteer with are usually super friendly and there's usually always something going on that you can pop along to and have some craic :-)

Hi Dan,

Must admit, I'm in a similar position. I've joined a sports club and have met a few people there. Although I wouldn't say I hang out with them exactly. I tend to force myself upon people at tea breaks at work (figuratively!) and then get chatting. Slowly I seem to be meeting interesting people. For sure, it's much more difficult to meet new friends when you're not at uni. I've found I have to be quite forward in order to get invited places, which is sometimes a little daunting.

Patience seems to be the key to good friendships.

It's hard, I only see a handful of other phds on a regular basis and it took me a long time to feel at home here. For me, joining sports clubs was the best thing. It meant I made friends and gained access to social events which weren't tied to the lab or my partner. Three years in I still struggle for people to call when I decide I want to go to the theatre/for lunch, but I do feel I have more of an identity here.

I think most of us are far too shy. I lived abroad a while ago and remember feeling terribly isolated there, as if everyone already had their lives and really wasn't interested in my friendship. Yet since leaving, several people have visited me here, invited me back over to stay, to their weddings.... turned out I had much better friends than I realised, I just needed to be more confident about involving myself. When you do meet people, don't be afraid to ask for phone numbers or suggest meeting up again.

I feel like I want to cry reading some of these post... but at the same time it makes me kind of anxious!

I moved back to my home town to do my PhD, and so have all my old friends from school who I see all the time. I also have friends from my sports club, and a few fellow PhD-ers. I couldn't imagine not having someone to hang out with, or talk to when I'm feeling all lonely. I also live quite near to my family so I visit them a few times a week (especially handy when i can't be bothered food shopping!).

I think in terms of meeting new people, sports clubs are a good start. Thats where all my newest friends have come from, and even though we don't "socialise" all that often together, I see them 6 days a week for training and races which is fab!

Also, if you can make just one good friend, you can get to know their friends and so on... almost like snowball sampling. Before you know it, you'll have loads of buddies! (up)

I'm probably going to have to move for a job so I'm a little anxious about leaving the comforts of my home town, but figure, if you put a little effort in, you can get a lot out. I may be posting on here in a few months time with a similar thread though... watch this space!