The start of term has hit me like a ton of bricks, and I'm only a part-time Masters student. Obviously time management skills are life skills and if one wants any sort of an interesting life, then they must be gained. I've got into that mode of procrastination leading to work at odd times, leading to social events cancelled.

Apart from the MSc I have the standard number of commitments in my life: a part-time job, a keep-fit routine, friends, cleaning and general grooming/maintenance :p They are all things that must be juggled. Additionally, I'm single. And I don't want to be forever, cos I've been single for a long time (cos of focusing on studies in recent years). So I also have to schedule in social events where I might meet new, like-minded people.

I know a lot of people in this forum think you can't have a relationship and be a postgrad student, but I refuse to believe that's true. If it is, then I don't want this sort of life. It seems to me that the nub of my musings is that to have a decent crack both at the academic work and at finding/maintaining a relationship, one must allocate one's time like a sane human being and have definite time off working.

All of you who have successfully met your romantic partner during your time as a postgrad - how did it fit into your routine? Love in life is as important as achievement at work (possibly more) and I want advice from people who have managed both.

Apologies for unremarkable musings on age-old topic (up)

Hi Ogriv

Having a partner and studying can absolutely be done. I met mine when I was an undergrad, but we've both studied as post-grads and managed. You're right, you do need to allocate time to relationships, whether they be friends or a partner. I set aside time for us to spend together and then spend the rest of my time studying, and that's fine, he goes off and does stuff he's interested in. Before I started writing up I used to go out a bit, and it can be done, going out with friends, time for a partner, studying - and I was also undertaking paid work too. It's always helped me to have a routine, so I know when I'm studying and when I can have free time. Don't be put off your MSc by concerns that you won't be able to go out and meet people, start and maintain relationships.

Cheers Sue

That's reassuring. So it's time management that's key to romance....

Sounds like a routine is extremely important as I suspected and also it's good if the partner has 'stuff' he or she finds interesting so that they are able to spend time without you.

The time that a postgrad would spend with their partner if they are already part of an established couple is the time that a single must use to go on the hunt. (up)

Ogriv

I am in a similar situation to you, just started my MSc, have a part-time job (20 hours a week) as a receptionist in a hairdressers which I don't really enjoy that much and I need the money, also get my hair done for free during work time which is a huge bonus!! I have a horse as well and although having him is a huge luxury which I love, it is also a massive commitment similar to a child as I look after him totally myself, which means I'm at the stables twice a day, every day. I am finding my MSc really difficult, even though I am well prepared for it the leap from UG level is considerable in terms of workload and difficulty, and I haven't even done any real writing yet. So I don't get much time for a social life any more, if I have more than 1 evening off a week I feel guilty, and I'm worried that I'm slipping behind already. I really feel like something has to give, I think I'll be cutting down to 16 hours a week before long, I can't afford to do any less.

I've been single for a while now as well, and I think I'm becoming more and more unapproachable as time goes on, even though I make an effort to look good etc I feel like people subconsciously know that I'm too busy and selfish at the moment, I'm feeling quite sorry for myself really!

Hi Ogriv,

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years now, I met him just before we started our BA's, so I've been with him through those three years, and now I've just started my MA while he's got a full-time job.

I think the main thing is support- if you have that off your partner, there will be very few problems! My boyfriend is incredibly supportive of everything I do. As he works full-time it's quite easy- I do my MA work while he's at work, we have tea together and whilst he's off playing footy etc a couple of nights a week, that either gives me time to do a bit more work or gives me chance to have a bit of time to myself! All the other nights we watch tv, go out for tea, or recently, ice skating!

I definitely don't think you have to sacrifice your degree for a relationship to work...likewise I don't think you have to sacrifice your relationship to get the best degree result you can- I got a 1st in my BA, all while my boyfriend was by my side!

So if you meet someone, it's definitely possible to fit it into postgrad life!

Oh, and about being overwhelmed about your Masters, I know the feeling! If anyone says the words 'critical analysis' to me again I'm going to tear my hair out!

Hey,

I met my partner while I was in college and managed to stay with him during 4 years of undergraduate studies in a rigorous degree which included a placement year in a different area of the country, and I also worked part time and had to do the normal daily stuff humans do like cleaning and socialising, hehe. I've just started my PhD and we are hoping to stay together as it can't be tooo much different to the last few years, fingers crossed! I know that soon I will become very busy and not be able to travel back to visit so much and this may be a strain, but we have hopes and dreams for when I finally finish and are planning holidays, and at the moment get to speak online most nights. I think it is do-able as long as both parties are committed and trust each other. I am also obsessed with planning and organising so find it easy to juggle things, although I probably let some things slack occasionally!

You definitely shouldn't let preconceptions put you off having a partner if having one would make you happier. To me, work life balance is extremely important and if work is getting too much that I am not enjoying life and having no fun then I would expect that I'd decide that was the wrong thing to be doing in life and change my situation. Luckily this hasn't happened yet but I am anticipating things getting difficult soon and happy to see how it goes!

It's interesting to hear that it's about a good relationship in the first place, and planning to some extent. I think I've become very used to being single. Then when I discovered that I loved my discipline so much that I wanted to continue to pursue it, I became panic-stricken that something/one might come between me and my studies. So for me it would be revolutionary to have both studies I love and a partner I love!! Because in my life so far I've usually either had one or the other, never both.

I tend to fill my spare time with being on committees etc and forget to keep my eyes peeled for someone special and I now realise it needs to go much higher up my list in terms of priorities, or life in the long term won't be worth much. It's great to hear from people for whom having both in their lives is just a matter of course. I seem to remember that someone on this forum once said that if you look at a lot of senior academics we know, they are often in relationships or married. So they clearly didn't think it was a matter of either/or in life. :-x

God no! It's not a question of either or, as far as being an academic is concerned. We're not flippin' robots, or drones or Dr Spock. Just let me find my box of cliches...hmmm...it's in here somewhere...ahh, right, here we go: you're busy doing an MSc at the moment and you'll meet someone right when you least expect it or are not particularly looking. Obviously, being acutely intelligent, seemingly very sensitive, caring and considerate, and also taking care of yourself physically, makes you a prime piece of real estate for a partner. My advice to you, and I haven't been around that long and don't have that many miles on the clock, is choose wisely from a diverse selection of potential partners (when you put the vacant sign up) because, obviously, they'll be throwing themselves at you. Sorry, if I come across a bit brash, but I think there's generally a lot of truth in what I have said.:-)

Ha ha I like your advice to "choose wisely from a diverse selection of potential partners". That's exactly what I didn't do in the past, with disastrous results!


Actually I never go on the hunt really - I just try to do stuff that interests me and see who shows up at the same events. But I am gonna keep my time management up to scratch, because when you know you've done your allotted hours for the day then you know you can run free and wild that evening!