Hi, this is my first post and it may be a long one, so please bear with me...(apologies in advance).
I applied for a PhD in December 2014, had my interview and did not get in, but was advised in the rejection email to ask the supervisor about any other potential funding. Being an "obey the rules" kind of person, I did and a few months later my now supervisor emailed to say I had potential funding. Long story short, after a year of waiting, whilst finishing my Masters, moving back home, being dumped and not applying for other things due to waiting, I found out there was funding and started my PhD in April 2016. I moved back in with an old friend to the other side of the country and started my PhD all within 5 days. (Bad move now that I reflect on it).

Firstly, I started on my own and, having already been highly anxious about starting, quickly developed extreme anxiety leading to mild depression and some time off in July. The feeling of not being able to do it; everything being new; not knowing anyone; no one being in my position; feeling stupid for having started and generally not feeling good enough all completely overwhelmed me extremely quickly.
Somehow, partly due to lovely people in the department and partly because of new people starting in October, I have felt a bit better about my project/life in general and taken some pressure off myself.

I am now at the 6 month report stage, but keep having the same moments of "I cannot do this/I don't want to do this/I was right to think I should quit" and can't seem to make myself care enough to actually worry about the report.

I'm proud of myself for even making it to 6 months, but having an equal worry about how my CV will look if I stay in this too long when it isn't actually what I want to do.

Sorry for the ramble, but any advice would be great!

Almost everyone worries they aren't good enough and they can't do it, but the good news is most people can. The question is whether you want to continue. Do you?

Im 4 months in and i think i mostly underwent a similar situation like you. I doubted myself when i made every possible mistake(and im referring to the simplest of lab techniques like western blot). but i tell myself i can only get better. im very like you in the sense that i can get overly anxious over things.

but i think you are having it harder since your doing phd overseas. it takes time to settle down.

just dont neglect your heatlh. chill during weekends (even if you had spent time at work during weekends, at least take the night off etc).

Hi, first of all put all the doubts about your self aside and think whether you really need a Phd and also whether you like the project you are working on. If the answer is yes then all the other obstacles can be overcome.
For my Phd I had to change the country and there was cultural shock, no friends to start with and had to have a long distance relationship with my husband etc. I also started panicking. Then after some reflection I realised I needed the Phd and strategically identified my problems and the necessary solutions for these problems. First year was hard. I felt like it is dragging for ever. Second year was o.k. and third and fourth years were gone far too quickly. What you are going through in the first few months is normal. So i think you are in the critical stage where you should really think whether you need the Phd because if not I don't think it is nice for you to compromise your health and well being over this.

Hi, phd_shally,

You stated that you are "having an equal worry about how my CV will look if I stay in this too long when it isn't actually what I want to do." Just as others have stated, I think that you need to really sit down and think if this PhD at this point in time is really something that you want. There is no way that you can survive 3-4 years of PhD if you have absolutely no interest or motivation.

Importantly, there is nothing wrong with withdrawing in the first year of candidature. You can always look for a job and revisit doing a PhD at a later stage in your life. My friend started her PhD in her late 40s and finished at 50. Because she had strong work experiences behind her in combination with her PhD, she could do many things with her degree. I am not asking you to wait that long, but just trying to tell you it is possible to postpone a PhD. If you are worried about the gap in your CV, it is now not completely unusual to look for a job for up to a year due to the current job market. You don't have to worry too much about your CV gap.

Do think deeply about what you want to do with your life. If you absolutely need a PhD for your career right now, please try to make it work. If not, you could think about working first and doing it later. There is no one right way of doing things. And do take care of your health. What point is a PhD if you destroyed yourself in the process.