Hi,

Sorry this might be a long one but thanks for taking the time to read this..

As far as my situation goes I am nearing 5 months into my phd which I went into after completing my research masters. This may sound like a rushed decision but I really love research and knew that I was doing good work and wanted to keep the ball rolling. Trouble is I was given a studentship without being given a topic or predetermined project, this includes not even the vaguest plan from my supervisory team.

I admit I was well aware of this but thought that there would be some support in deriving a topic and plan, i.e something in the mind of my supervisor that he had wanted to do but not found the right person for. However I now find myself still without a defined topic or plan, not for want of trying.

To be quite honest I feel like I have made a massive mistake and it is becoming clear that really I am there because they had extra funding they did not want to loose. As a result I sit straddled between research groups that my interests really don’t cross into enough. I am a homeless, unsupported student and this is really affecting me.

I have made little tangible progress and actually envy the situation of my peers who started at the same time who at least have project which their supervisors have put some time into. I am clear about the realities of research and of conducting a phd but i really do feel like iv made the position much harder for myself in a field that is tbh rather overdone.

I'm very down, which is sometimes my natural state but this isn’t helping. I think leaving may be best so I can take a break and work out the right area for me in a department that is supportive and where my research will have a relevance.

How do I approach this with my supervisor?

Sorry to hear of your troubles Davo - can anoyone offer some advice?

Hi Davo. I am in a very similar spot to you are, but I am now sorting out some sort of plan for the next 3 years. In September I had a very vague title and absolutely no idea where to go with it. My supervisor wasn't the most helpful to give me direction, but I found that if I had an idea and took it to him we seemed to make progress (I had to provide the enthusiasm for both of us). Remember this is your phd, you have to take responsibility for it and you can do whatever you want! I completely changed the direction of my project to something I thought of as fun and interesting.

I know you will feel a bit lost at the minute, but if you read around the subject you will start to find gaps that you can fill in. You don't have to change the world with your project.

hi Davo, I have been depressed before, so I know what feeling down is like. But look on the bright side. First you have a studentship. Your problem now is not having a clear research topic or plan (which seems rather strange to me, as they would have given you a studentship for something---which is ......??? OR something in the area of......).

Usually people write their research proposal within 6 -12 weeks upon their PhD studentship registration i.e. from the time you officially start. So if you have already gone 5 months since you started, and still don't have any idea, you should approach your supervisor. Make an appointment--and don't stress yourself over it.

Once you already hit rock-bottom, there is no more rock-bottom to go--the only other way is UPWARDS. That means there's still hope.

Be honest with your supervisor. If you don't have an honest discussion, things could get worse. For example, your supervisor might think you are ok, when you're not. Or think that you could do say analysis ABC for this, when you really may not know how to run that analysis.

At the worst, you might have to walk away from the PhD. Lots of people leave half-way, give-up or simply don't finish. There is no good and bad about this. Everyone is unique.

But what you want to do is to FACE the situation. Worrying about it is not going to help.
Talk to your supervisor.

love satchi

Hi Athena and Satchi,

Thank you both for your thoughts,I really appreciate them.

Since that post things have moved on slightly, I got in the lab and tinkered around with a few things and have a vague plan but I'm not convincing myself completely with it yet. Trying to take things day by day but whilst having an eye on the bigger picture, I know these things are supposed to evolve. It's just so frustrating not being able to make clear decisions or do simple tasks with the confidence and single-mindedness I used to be able to work with. I have received help for my depression (after years of ignoring it) and have now started on the Prozac, its a somewhat weird time for me, acknowledging my issues and knowing that I cant just push on through them anymore.

I agree I must speak to my supervisor about this but as you can understand the fear of judgement and tainting myself is quite great. My doctor has offered to sign me off for a while, I declined as I have so much to do, I think that might of been a mistake!

I hate wasting great opportunities like I have at the moment, that's where my difficulty lies, I have a world of interest at my feet, although I suppose it shouldn't be difficult. Taking time to get healthy is most likely more important for me at the moment. Tbh I am scared about how to broach this with my supervisor!

thanks x

Hi Davo
I'm so glad you're feeling better. Prozac is helpful but you can include other things to improve your mental state--like exercise, meditation, most importantly be very, very kind to yourself.

I must comment on this statement. Again, you need to be very gentle with yourself. Sometimes the fear is greater than the criticism, why--because you allow it to be--I know it's easy to say and probably harder to do. But the key message is this: the more meaning you attach to words (and criticism) the more you will feel "hurt".

Remember that PhDs do morph and change shape--so don't feel bad when things go wrong.

Sometimes we need to take a step back--and look at things differently--don't take it so personally. Life is a game, play it.

The more you avoid your fear, the more fear you will have. Life is a challenge, meet it.

have a great week
love satchi

OK, so I just sent my sup a detailed, honest email about things. I thought this was to be the best approach so I could be clear about things without them being cloaked in emotions. Essentially I told them about my situation warts and all, about my illness (and i now definitely believe that depression is an illness).

It was hard to press send, but now its done and out there. In terms of being gentle with myself I am going to try, probably starting with going home and sitting in front of the fire with the dog. Suddenly i think I know that a ohd really isnt the most important thing in life, its a good thing but not for me at the moment.

Thanks Satchi your great.

hi Davo
Well done! let us know how you are doing. Most importantly, remember that depression can be cured. Once you have dealt with the problem in your life, the depression will lift and you will feel a lot lighter, clearer and happier with yourself.

Hope you had a lovely time with your dog. Life is a song, sing it.

love satchi