So I'm just finishing my 2nd year in my PhD program (Biomed. Engr) and I find myself wondering if my relationship with my advisor is "normal".

For my MS, we (the whole office group) would often sit to lunch together, share stories outside of work, etc. I also felt he was available to chat with about any issues that came up. My DH has an even closer relationship with his (Music) advisers, including going to parties together, facebook friends, etc.

My current advisor and I don't really spend a lot of social time together - hardly any really - and she has several additional duties that take her time up as well. So I hardly ever talk to her for longer than 15 minutes unless it's a meeting when we are going over how well I'm doing (failing) my work. During those meetings, I often feel uncomfortable and have trouble making eye contact. I find myself defending and stumbling even though I know what I'm trying to say is right, it sounds clumsy. I know I'm not the most socially likeable person in general, but it seems like other people in the lab have a more easy going relationship.

So any tips? Anyone feel the same?

Bonus rant/suggestions requested:

We also have a lab manager - a very nice person, but often I don't really know what our roles are supposed to be. So if you have a lab manager, how do you get along? Do you keep it more business or throw in a mix of personal? How much do you talk to them about your project/get help from them?

Thanks everyone!

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BMEPhDinCO - is an advisor and a supervisor the same thing?

Does anyone have any advice?

Hi,

I think it's just one of those things, just because someone is your supervisor/advisor, it doesn't mean you're going to get along. I don't spend any "social" time with my supervisor and nor do any of my colleagues spend time with theirs socially. I'm not sure about other people on this forum but I think it's rarer to have a close relationship.

Stop worrying so much - just treat it as a professional relationship and you'll be fine!

As for the lab manager, I'm afraid I don't have one so I can't help with that. But I guess it's just a case of getting to know them and working out how much help you can ask for. I would go for polite professional and see how it progresses from there.

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I agree with Lindalou - they are generally professional relationships and for many reasons don't develop into anything 'close'.
For a start, they have to be able to view everything you write/say objectively - if you start to see them as a friend then that becomes harder for you both. Also, there is an inherent imbalance in the relationship: they are your main point of contact for years of isolated research, but they themselves deal with MANY students and probably several other PhD students. They may even become a kind of spectral presence when you are working since you know they will read whatever you write, etc. But, from their perspective, they simply don't have the time or inclination (usually) to be sociable personally. It's nothing you've done, so don't worry about it. :)

I have a good relationship with my supervisor but I would say it is a professional relationship not a social one and this suits me fine. We do talk about our families for about 2 minutes before a supervision but then it is down to business! To be honest, I wouldn't want to socialise with him as I have precious little time to socialise with my own friends/family. (In my "other" life I am a university teacher and I don't socialise with my students either).