Hey Guys.....

I hope this doesn't come across as a moan, but I need some reassurance, or some voices of experience!

I have just completed the first year of my PhD. I was fortunate enough to be awarded a part-time fees paid bursary.
However, I am juggling a few things as well as studying and I'm not sure if I'm doing the 'right' thing!
I have a 2.5 year old son - so nursery fees to pay. A mortgage (nothing unusual there), I work 3 days a week for a Domestic Abuse help line, which is really stressful and energy-sapping. When I'm not working, I have my little boy to entertain so studying comes in-between times, ie at night. Part of the bursary condition was to teach a module, so much of my 'spare' time is taken up with prep for the teaching.

Now then, are there any other students here in a similar situation? And how do you cope?!! I feel like I'm not spending enough time on my study - and I certainly can't get involved with 'academic life' such as organising seminars/conferences etc because I just don't have the time.

Is it ok to just keep myself to myself, get my work done and get a PhD out of it - or do you think not getting involved fully will affect my experience and chances?

I really really don't want to 'give up', but I don't want to kill myself either!

Any ideas? any ideas on how to make enough money to live but not have to work a stressful job?!

sorry for the rant, just thought I'd try to find some experienced people. Other people I've spoken to haven't got the commitments I have and so find studying much 'easier'....

Thanks for listening :)
:p

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate Emma. First year is especially tough as on top of progressing with your thesis most people are trying to get grips with what they are actually doing as well. With your workload you're gaining a whole lot of transferrable skills which are really valuable over and above how they contribute to your own research. Plus the obligation to teach means that you are gaining teaching experience and don't forget the experience of prep as well, although it's a total pain ;-).

I wouldn't worry too much about conference organisation. It's not a bad idea to try to go to a few and present as that's important if you want to stay in academia but leave the organisation to somebody else. Also, who knows, maybe over the course of the rest of your PhD you might get the chance to co-organise something but it's definitely not the be all and end all of things. I kept to myself in the main as although my pressures are different to yours, they were pressures nonetheless. I have four children and a hubby on shift work so often I couldn't go to things as I had to be at home. Having said that it beefed up my project management skills no end!

To me you sound as if you're doing well. Try not to compare yourself to others as often even those who seem on the outside to have it 'sussed' may not. Do as much as you can but academia wise the most important thing is to get the PhD. All the other things are just bonuses.

Thank you so much for your reply. What you say is so reassuring. I do keep telling myself I shouldn't compare myself to others... and it's nice to hear that someone with 4 children can do a PhD!! (hats off to you!).
It's just good to share experiences I think, none of my 'friends' are doing this level of study, and like I said, the people I know at Uni are able to spend much much more time on studying than I can.
I just need to carry on, do what I can and be proud of myself if/when I do it!!! I think I just put myself under too much pressure - if I'm going to do this, I want to do it to the best of my ability. I did my MA whilst working full time, and got a distinction but I didn't have a 2 year old then!!

Thanks again for your words of wisdom, it has helped :)

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I have had 3 kids since starting my phd journey (with no.4 coming in the winter) so I can certainly empathise with your concerns. I went through the undergrad and MA without kids and having other (real life) responsibilities outside of the academic bubble is something to be celebrated rather than worried about. I was very much involved with the research scene in those days and in my experience it was full of self-obsessed, bitchy, insecure people. To be fair I was prob one of them too. Since returning to my phd after getting jiggy with my poor missus I just don't have the inclination, never mind the time, to get involved with the goings on in my department. Their loss in my opinion. IMO the important things in the phd are thesis >> publications >> conference appearances >> training >> department profile.

My advice might be this:
- If you are feeling disconnected, set up a profile on academia.edu. You can follow other people's work, connect with people in your area, email etc.
- This might be a bit contradictory but try and set yourself a weekly plan of work. Make list of things you need to do and do them. HOWEVER, if you cannot get everything done because of vomit, diarrhea, teething, tantrums, etc etc then don't beat yourself up about it. Put it at the top of next week's list and get it done.
- Make time for yourself, and time for yourself and your hubby.
- I agree that you should keep an eye out for conferences and present at a few. Everyone is crap and boring anyway so there's no pressure. How many papers do you remember from conferences? Exactly. So don't worry about it. It's about the CV and contacts IMO. And getting a decent free lunch.
- Job wise I can't really help. Again I'd say keep it the same time every week if you have any control over it.
-Enjoy it. Everyone's journey is different. My situation is pretty unorthodox but it's my situation and that's it. Make your phd a priority at certain times during the week. Plan ahead. Make a list. Do it. Reward yourself after.

I would echo what Ady has already said really.  The first year (FT) or two (PT) are very hard going with the feelings of not being academically able to do the research and not knowing what needs to be done and when. You are learning so much at the moment so it will feel overwhelming.  Part way through my PT PhD I had one baby closely followed by another two babies (oops, lol) so I know how difficult it is to study when the little ones go to bed or at weekends when my hubby will take charge! This for you coupled with the type of work you are doing is bound to leave you feeling stressed and de-energised.  I reckon that I was managing 15-25 hours a week on my studies and this fluctuated depending on the phase I was in, ie writing up has taken a more concentrated effort of 25 hours a week but my motivation mirrored this. With regards to your job, it may be that you need an outlet for the stress it generates, some exercise or going for a walk?  If your child is 2.5 years old will they be eligible for some free childcare hours (15 hrs) at nursery/childminder (if in the UK) at 3 years which may help the financial situation in just a few months time. Maybe you could reduce some of your working hours or increase your child-free study time?

Don't worry about the academic life, I certainly didn't partake due to work or family commitments.  There will be times that you can get to seminars etc so there is time to gain some experiences there. Having the responsibilities that you have will make you a very effective project manager!

Hey EmmaB, Sounds like you're doing amazingly well considering all you've got on! I am in a similar(ish) position as in I have to teach for my funding, work and have commitments like a mortgage to pay. Like others said, I wouldn't worry too much about getting involved with organising things. If you manage to publish and present during your PhD, those are the more important things. Also, teaching in itself is a massively valuable expereince which will help you if you want to get a job in adacdemia. Finally, although having to work in such a stressful job can be a drain (I know!) it can also be a bonus. It sounds like you're in a pretty similar type of work to me (I work with young people in the justice system), and I know that if I don't get the dream academic/research post after my PhD I can fall back on this experience to hopefully still get a job that I feel is worthwhile and that uses my skills. I guess tho that if the stress of the job is outweighing any potential benefits for you, that's not much help!

Thank you so Much, to everybody. I am so glad I asked now!! You've all been really, really helpful and reassuring. I think I must be at a Uni with a disproportionate amount of 'youngsters' doing their PhDs.... and it's making me think I'm the 'unusual' one (the people I have spoken to have gone straight from Under-grad to MA to PhD where-as I most certainly haven't).

It's really good to know people have children too - and to think of actually having MORE children whilst doing the PhD - Phew!! well done guys ;)

I could really do with finding something a little higher paid, and perhaps based at home (haha - sounds perfect doesn't it!). These kind of jobs don't pay very well, especially considering the work involved. I've always worked in this kind of field though, so am unsure as what else is out there really. Will look!

Thank you all again, it's been really refreshing reading others' experiences and I'm just going to think positively now (most of the time) 8-)

Hi - like Dunni I have had twins since starting my Phd - fantastic but not really recommended! I also have a son at school. However, I have the HUGE advantage that I don't have to work at the moment - just as well as I could quite easily fill my days doing only family stuff - there is so much to do! I think you are being a bit hard on yourself. I have only been to one conference (and had to leave early there because other half couldn't cope with looking after all three....hmmm) and haven't really got involved with the department but tbh I can't really do anymore so I'm not beating myself up about it - my family have to come to first. I have a very modest goal for the next year - present at one conference and write one article. It might not seem like much but I think any other mums (and dads!) will understand. Good luck!