Hi all,

I'm 1.5 years into my PhD and am at the end of my tether! I love my topic (in principle at least) but have never been that enamoured with my PhD, the reason being that I've never had a particular question, or route to pursue. My supervisor managed to get funding without the normal application so never had a project in mind. Initially I thought this was great but have come to hate the 'freedom' he gives me as whilst he'll never tell me what I should be doing/ working on he has plenty of ideas of what I shouldn't be doing. He ok'd my overall idea (I am a historical cartographer - he agreed to my dates and region of study) but now constantly being told he's "not keen" on what I've done towards this, or picking flaws in it, but never giving me constructive advice/ answers is bringing me down. He gets me to write informal written reports of my archival work and I have raised the issue of "where is this going?" and implied I am struggling (as finding something you don't know you're looking for in a massive archive doesn't work) at the end of most of these reports, and in my meetings, but it is usually dismissed with "keep going, you'll find something" or "your work is fine". At other times though it's him saying it's not fine. & I want it to be better than fine anyway!

It has all come to a head today when I went to help him with teaching his masters course as a favour and he promptly told them all that I wouldn't be speaking about my work as "she [me] doesn't know what she's doing". To which most people sniggered in pity. He knows I feel like this and am struggling with it so I'm gutted he made it into a public joke. I was just about keeping going as I still like the research and was hoping eventually he'd show some enthusiasm for something I find. But now I've lost nearly all faith in him & worse, feel embarrassed to tell him how I'm feeling as he made me feel so small for feeling it!

Any advice greatly appreciated. One side of me is shouting "quiiiitttt, if this was a job you'd be long gone" and today has significantly reduced my hope of things improving. The other stubborn side will bury her head in the sand and keep going for fear of regretting quitting in the future, and for letting people down (I just get a lot of "keep going, you'll find something" from my parents too).

Thanks :)

Hey! Sounds like you're really struggling with your situation and that comment was the last straw. I really don't know anything about your subject at all, but did you not have to produce a document of some sort for your first year review saying what your research questions were and how you were going to approach them? If not, then it sounds like you need to have a proper meeting with your supervisor (and do you have a second supervisor and chairperson?), express your confusion about what you're doing and pin down exactly what you are aiming for. It sounds like you have the passion to do it, but without good supervision and a focus most of us would be really struggling. The comment was pretty harsh- was it said/meant in a funny way or was it a deliberate insult? Sometimes people make light of things that they don't realise has a lot more meaning for you, and genuinely don't mean to upset you. Then there are the idiots who just get a kick out of it. I remember years ago I was doing care work and we had a new girl join the team, and the supervisor pointed at me and said 'for god's sake don't copy her, she hasn't got a clue what she's doing!' I wasn't too pleased about it, although I have to admit, there was some truth in it at the time! Hope you get somewhere with this- it would be a shame to quit when you could have a good outcome with a bit of decent supervision. Best, KB

Hello that sounds like a tough situation which I can sympathise with as it's not too dissimilar to my experience.  It's a terrible feeling not knowing what you are supposed to be doing! To be honest I spent most of my time plodding along hoping for the best and that my data would show something!  Luckily it did and quite a few surprises too. I didn't have a proper proposal either - just a rough idea of what the general project was supposed to be about without too much detail.  My supervisor also lost interest in my work pretty soon so it was hard to get them to help or indeed get a response after a certain point!!! I did doubt if they remembered my existence!  Luckily I found other academics who were willing to help and be pestered and I'm glad to say I survived and I did it with minimal input from my supervisor! I don't think a bit of help would've killed them but they obviously had different ideas!

Have you got other academics in your dept or elsewhere (e.g. external collaborations) that are willing to help? Usually if they know your supervisor is hopeless they're willing to help.  What about your second supervisor? Would they be able to offer guidance?  I found that it all came together when I had all my results together so I could make sense of it all and analyse them as previously when I was collecting the results it did seem a muddle and I wasn't sure if it'd work! By that point I had put so much effort into it I was determined to get something out of it! 

It's very frustrating and disheartening if your supervisor is a bit flat about constructive feedback and just picking flaws in it. I found out after a while to take their comments with a pinch of salt as their opinion is just that and only one viewpoint as in research there are no wrong answers - you just need evidence to back up what you're saying!  This gives you the opportunity to explore your research in the way you want which at the moment I know you want direction but when you do the analysis it'll be a bonus!

As for the Masters course that's awful but are you sure it wasn't meant as a joke and you may have taken it the wrong way due to the way you are feeling at the mo?  A lack of confidence in our abilities may sometimes lead us to think things are worse that they really are. Another thought - is your supervisor the kind that has foot in mouth syndrome in that they do not think before they speak and doesn't realise the impact of his comment may have on you? You sound like you are passionate about what you do and have done well to get this far. 

What about a meeting with both your supervisors together assuming you have two to see if the second one can get some more useful comments out of him? Sometimes having another academic in the room may help as he may not want to be shown up but that depends his relationship with them. 

Hope this helps, hang in there and I hope you get this sorted!

Thank you so much for both your replies, I really appreciate your advice.
It's really reassuring to know you had a similar situation Candle and managed to get there in the end!

I do have a second supervisor but he's not an academic. This unfortunately means my first supervisor is very much in charge (or should be). When I have pursued my second supervisors' ideas, or when I went to another academic he just ignored these ideas! My second supervisor & I get on really well & I have confided in him before - he was really lovely & made me feel better in the short-term but he is similarly intimidated I think by my first supervisor (as are a few of the other staff in department it seems)! So even with this second supervisor on-board we didn't manage to pin down the first supervisor for research questions. We both just came out knackered!! Even my first year report was very vague & still more methodological than pinning down the content/ focus of where next unfortunately and this was never queried.
I do think the comment was meant to be funny, at least in part, though he's rather notorious for putting people's noses out of joint so a bit of "foot in mouth" too I think! As you said Keenbean, there is some truth in it (which is the bit that hurts I think!) but I was so angry he did it publicly.

Thanks again for both your comments - they really helped & I'm feeling a bit happier with it now. I think I'll take bits of all your advice - I have a meeting with both supervisors booked at the start of April & will raise issues again then I think as you suggest Keenbean (although I don't hold out that much hope) - I just hope he doesn't make any April Fools' "funny" comments, I couldn't cope!! & your advice on learning to take his feedback with a bigger pinch of salt and trying to stay confident that I will find something and things will come together...someday should really help Candle.

Cheers :)