Would be interested to hear your experiences in juggling home and student life! My life is a constant battle between doing what needs to be done domestically and sitting down and getting on with my work. Sometimes think and off site office would do me a world of good!

There are quite a few of us about. I work mainly from home but the downside of that is the isolation and lack of adult interaction. Also, when otherwise I might have taken a tea break and had a chat, at home, my 'break' is doing the dishes, laundry etc. How old is your child/children? My daughter is 3 and I'm hoping to submit in March.

My daughter is 11...but we live in Germany (I am studying in the UK, though) and she gets out of school at 1pm. So while I have the morning, there are always other things that get in the way (dr appointments, etc). She needs a lot of homework help because she´s going to a German school and her mother tongue is English. I´m due to submit in March as well, but that´s just not going to happen. We moved to Germany 6 months after I started, and moving tasks and settling in took a good part of the first year. Then my husband retired at the same time as well and so he´s always wanting to do something....sometimes I just have to say "GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!" which makes everyone really happy around here!

Is there any chance you could get some afterschool care? I know that's difficult with an 11 year-old. If your husband has just retired - couldn't he look after her after school for a while? My husband looks after my daughter on Saturdays while I workl. My daughter has a childminder 3 full days/week. I would find mornings only after the school run a pretty short time to get much done.

I was hoping to submit by Xmas but that is impossible. We moved house this year too - it does generate a lot of time-consuming tasks.

Yes, my husband is retired, but child care, house chores, cooking and support seem to always fall on my shoulders. Anyone else feel that way? It´s not that he doesn´t TRY to help, but...they just seem to butt heads all the time (both leos if that has anything to do with anything!)

I started my MBA when my daughter was 1 and got help for that (finished when she was 4), but this time around I figured I should be able to do it without help. Do feel kind of torn (read burnt out) at times, though! I keep thinking it is a discipline issue on my part...??? 

Cassy I don't really understand your situation - what exactly DOES your husband do?? I totally don't see why he is not taking AT LEAST 50% of the household chores and childcare. I think you could do with more time and I would suggest your husband gets your daughter fromr school and looks after her for at least 2 days /week. I think that's really very little to ask in the circumstances.

Hi Cassy, I'm also a mum - I have a 15 year old boy and two girls, 14 and 5. I was quite surprised to read your post - they do maybe butt heads, my husband certainly does with mine - particularly my son - far too much testosterone in one house lol - but as he is a nurse and works shifts, mainly nights, he's always, since the beginning of my BA, helped out with the housework and the children. He does a lot of the school runs, housework, cooking etc. If I'm here and he's working I do it, and if he's here then he does it on the grounds that he accepts that my study is 'work' and if I wasn't studying I'd be at 'work' and he'd be doing it anyway - its treated as though I'm not physically here if that makes sense, even though I work from home. If your husband is retired then there's no reason whatsoever why he can't take on the majority of the day to day running of the home and childcare to enable you to work - what will happen when you go on to get a job at the end?
I think that maybe you need to sit down and speak to him at length about this - its not fair on you if he's home to sit on his proverbial and allow you to rush around doing home stuff and work full time at something that will (in theory) improve all of your lives and your job prospects in the long run.
It is hard though - I tend rather than have a break with a coffee and my feet up, rush around washing up or whatever when I get up from the computer lol - mine tries so hard and is good but its the 'man thing' (no offence guys) - hoovers go around the middle of the room - the corners/under things don't count lol. But he is fantastic with the kids and without his support I could never have done what I've done already.

Oh..please don´t think my husband is some kind of do nothin´ sit around oaf...he really had a lot to do when we moved to get us into the social system in Germany...quite a feat and lots and LOTS of red tape, so I guess we just got into a routine where he did that and I did the household stuff. He does help, but let´s face it..how many guys really know how to use the washing machine properly? No matter how many times I explain it, it goes in one ear and out the other, and the whites turn grey, and and and. Cooking? Not really, unless it´s some wierd fish combination which gets put in a pan with all kinds of vegetables which are not meant to be cooked. He insists it´s delicious, but I don´t know. Perhaps we just have different tastes...I am able to work when I put my mind to it...how many hours do you guys work per day anyway? I clock in an average of around 4 (when I´m good). More than that and my mind turns off anyway.

Sounds like you work well in shorter bursts - I find I need longer sessions - I think it's partly the nature of the project. Also I prefer long daytime session to working nights since, as I'm sure you know, children tend to get up early.

I guess if you're happy and it works for you that's great. Sounds like my husband does a lot more household stuff and childcare than yours even though he works full time. There's nothing I do in either case that my husband couldn't do competently (well, except possibly laundry...). On the other hand, we've had a few threads where younger, singlish, childfree posters have waxed lyrical about demanding equal compromise and involvement from partners that makes my situation look like something straight out of the 50s since profesionally I make all the compromises. That works for us as we depend on his job.

Is sorting out the move a full time job then (speaking as one who has moved country/continent and household several times while working)? If the situation were reversed and you were retired, what would you be doing? I really don't think it would be unreasonable to ask for a bit more help if you feel you need it.

[Cassy's quote] I´m due to submit in March as well, but that´s just not going to happen.

If you are due to submit in only four months or so are you sure it isn't the rapidly nearing deadline that is increasing your stress levels as oppose to the amount of support your husband can or is willing to offer? A few people have taken to blaming your husband I see. Unfair surely as you have come this far successfully with (or in spite of) his supportive contribution.

I have 3 teenage boys and am divorced so there is certainly too much testosterone in this house but you need to find quality time, not quantity for research don't you? I am an early riser ('cos their not) and find 4 hours at dawn more than sufficient for high brow thinking and analysing. Then I lapse back into teen trauma prevention till they go off to their respective education and employment realms.

You might want to look at at when you are mantally sharpest and focus on scheduling the rest at your leisure, after all it doesn't take a rocket scientist to vacuum, wash dishes or make beds. I find the dull domestic chores therapeutic when the PhD is itself being like a stroppy teenager and won't perform as expected.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for the feedback...I do try to do my 4 hours in the morning (my best time) and then go into robo-mode for the housework stuff. Actually find this is working much better now..think I just should have been part time while we moved and got settled. However, hindsight is 20-20 and I still have another year after March if I need it, so I´m not that stressed about it. Do like to get things done somewhat on time, though! When I´m deep in thought, after my 4 hours though, I tend to walk around in a daze and answer questions before really thinking what was being asked. Hope my daughter doesn´t end up in Hawaii because I told her she could go! "But Mom, you said....":-)

This was well written. I relly enjoyed reading. You've given us all a lot to think about. I've never seen it so I'm interested in learning about something new. Thanks for this article. Wonderful information to pass on.
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oliviaharis
[url="http://www.widecircles.com"]Social Bookmarking[/url]

This was well written. I really enjoyed reading. You've given us all a lot to think about. I've never seen it so I'm interested in learning about something new. Thanks for this article.  Wonderful information to pass on.
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oliviaharis
[url="http://www.widecircles.com"]Social Bookmarking[/url]