I know this is one of many, many 'is it normal to feel like this' threads, but just seeking some moral support!

I'm in a great place with my PhD. Without wishing to sound as though I'm bragging (I'm not), at the end of my 3-year scholarship I will have (hopefully!) got my doctorate, done a PGCHE alongside it, lots of teaching experience, 2 definite publications (chapter + article) and a few more in the pipeline, as well as international conference presentations across the world. I've also received external funding to study abroad twice in the last year. Great! I'm extremely proud of that, but it's taken its toll. I'm in complete burnout.

The PhD word count has touched 75,000 now, which is the acceptable amount for my department, and it's 95% ready for a first draft to be handed in.

So - my question is - why, on some days (most days), do I often feel like I'm something somebody has stood on in the street, that's come out of a dog's behind?!

I've got it all, and have been extremely lucky, but feel worthless at times. Maybe it's the stress/burnout talking?

On the flip side of the coin, on some days, I feel on top of the world, and I look through those achievments listed above and think 'wow - is that really me?!'.

Anyone got any tips on how to have more of those days rather than the extremely stressed, negative days? Some of my thoughts are genuinely scary. Enough so that I saw someone professionally in July for a few sessions. Felt better, but the old feelings keep coming back.

I'm telling myself that I've simply done too much, and my body has just gone: BLEEEEURGH.

Any thoughts?

Have you just described "imposter syndrome"? There's a few blog posts about it out there.

Or you're just in dire need of a break!

I think it may be the latter.

I've never thought of myself as being incapable of doing the thing, it's just the way it makes me feel.

I can be in the middle of something completely different, such as watching a film, out for a walk, doing the foof shopping, and it'll all come crashing down on me. A horrible feeling of 'is it all worth it? what are you doing with your life?'.

Like you said - I might just need a good break. Planning on doing NO PhD work over Christmas. Two weeks without touching it. I'm handing a first draft in to my supervisors before we leave for the holiday, and I will then not revisit it until January 5th or so.

Maybe that's what I need. Recharge the batteries, take part in some hobbies, read a good book, and switch off the academic mind for a fortnight.

Ha yes, we've all had the deep philosophical "who am I?" sort of debates with yourself at unusual times. I had one this morning at 3am...perfectly good night's sleep ruined!

You've got a good plan going. Sometimes you just need to forget the phd exists for a while. Feel like you again. Chin up! 😊

It's just a good old existential crisis:

Mr Doctor, you are describing EXACTLY how I felt just before submission in September (no viva here in Australia).

I was in a great place, thesis ready to submit two weeks before my funding dried up, had lecturing/teaching to keep me going, some conferences/publications & pro-bono consultancy work under my belt.

And yet, I felt absolutely terrible, to the point in which I couldn't even put groceries away after grocery shopping because the task was too much to handle, and continuous breakdowns that fluctuated between feeling amazing and feeling horrible. I couldn't even sleep, and when I did, I got maybe 2-3 hours at best.

Once you submit, shut down and just recharge. You need it or you'll burn out. I didn't and unfortunately, I got really sick and barely made it through this semester with my teaching.