I'm about halfway through (theoretically...1.5 years...the money runs out after 3) an scientific PhD at Cambridge, and I'm just about reaching breaking point. I constantly seem to be under pressure, I never seem to finish work on time and it takes me a frickin' age to process data. I know other PhD students feel similarly but they do seem to be further along and working quicker than I am, and I don't see the pace picking up before I enter 3rd year. One guy who started at the same time on the same project to me has already dropped out and one girl in the year above has swerved her project away from the core overall strategy if you get what I mean. I've been writing a paper now for about 3-4 months and it only seems to get there slowly. Complicating matters is a holiday I booked months ago for just over 2 weeks, which has fallen at the worst possible time.

I had a viva on a first year report last October (that was handed in in April, but that's another story), which I passed barely. Looking back, it was fairly rubbish in fairness but the tone was out of order ("You've managed to convince people you're bright, this work is as a result of laziness or stupidity. I'll let you decide which"). I was passed but was kept on as probationary still, registered as an MSc student. I have to submit a 2nd year report or get a paper accepted/published in a journal (I need this clarified...) to be allowed to stay on with full PhD status.

This has basically resulted in my confidence being totally shot for the best part of a year (it was sky-high before, I graduated top of my class from another very good UK Uni) and motivation lacking. I took a week to decide whether to continue, and I decided to for at least another 6-8 months. I'm only marginally more enthused now. Motivation does go up when things *actually* work, so I'm not sure whether my disillusionment is contextual. My supervisor has reassured me twice she thinks I'm perfectly capable of getting a PhD (although less so the 2nd time I noted...when I was called in so she could, supportively, inquire why the paper wasn't progressing as we'd all hoped), but given I am the only student left standing on this (quite important) project it's in her interests to keep me from abandoning ship I think, and them effectively having to start from square 2, maybe not quite square 1, with a new student and I take it with a pinch of salt.

I just can't help but think that if I don't jump in the next 6 months I'll be in too deep. I spend most of my work related endeavours miserable, stressed or guilty (sometimes all 3) whilst my friends from undergrad work 9-5 (roughly, sometimes with nightshifts) and are now buying houses and cars. In the meantime I'm mostly skint and live with 3 guys who spend most of their time winding me up for 'banter' and seem to be doing OK with their PhDs. On top of this I've had a variety of small health issues (none of which are overly terrible or could qualify as disrupting my work, but the sum of

(cont)...the sum of the 2-3 of them are enough to distract and preoccupy me occasionally).

I'm terrified of three things - 1) Disappointing my family, whom I am very close to. They were so proud when I got into Cambridge for a PhD, despite my previous academic success I'd feel like a failure dropping out, 2) Entering the job market 2-3 years after undergrad graduation with a qualification (the aforementioned MSc) that effectively says I didn't cut it at PhD level, with the rest of my undergrad knowledge (my PhD was a slight departure from previous studies) withering away in the recesses of my head, 3) Looking back in X years and thinking I should have stuck it out. I think I should stick it out, but I really don't want to. I just don't know if this is genuine or a bit of a lazy streak, as I comparatively coasted through undergrad...

I think that the majority of people here had this crisis at some point in their PhDs, myself included. I wouldn't be too concerned about disappointing your family, as long as you take a decision and you try to do your best either ways. This is your life, and only you know if it is the case to call it a day or go ahead. I can tell you that this time last year I was absolutely convinced that I wanted to quit. I handed the final draft of my thesis to my sup this morning, and aim to submit by June. Obviously there is no guarantee that i am going to pass the viva, but if you want to know who is the winner you cannot leave the field before the end of the battle.

I think that you need to regain your motivation and self-confidence. You should set short-term goals and work towards them (e.g. take part in conferences and seminars). You can only eat the elephant by small bites! As someone else has already said in the forum, comparing yourself to other PhD students is not a good way to move forward. They may just be more superficial in their approach and thus give the impression that they are quicker, and every project is different anyway.
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i understand you on the level that your friends who are undergrads working 9-5 jobs and buying cars and houses... yes actually all my friends are in that phase .. while im penniless waiting for my grant every 6 months, i feel left out or a failure next to them.

I have the same fears as you :-( im still 5 months into my PhD and as much as I work on it i dont feel i can accomplish anything and my motivation is lacking. My supervisor is extremely helpful and its his motivation that makes me stick to this PhD. I constantly think i should stop and maybe get a job in the area as many people think im too young to be doing a PhD (im 22 years old). But on the other hand when i look at all of this i say at the end of it all I will be in a better position and would be proud of myself if i make it .. if not at least I said I tried.

Wow you'r doing a PhD at Cambridge you must have deserve it.. so dont give up now .. my funds also run out in 3 years .. worst part if i dont finish my PhD i'd have to return all (50,000 euros) back to my scholarship fund. Dont give up... you earned you'r place and if you lack motivation.. take a break in the sense of going back to work with a fresh mind :-) always works for me.

take care

emz :-)

Hi KevHS

I'm on the final year of my phd and I still have 3 out of four papers to write. I've got 5 months to finish it and I'm stuck at data processing.

I also feel like quitting, but I'm confused whether I should just stick with the remaining 5 months or not. The issue is not staying for 5 more months, it is actually producing quality work.

Anyway, I can totally relate to what you're saying, but I prefer not to dwell on these disappointing subjects. It will just frustrate us and the others who are in the same situation. What I can tell you though, based on my experience is that many phds feel the same way, but they hardly ever show it to their peers for whatever reason. A majority of people I know project or try to build an impression that they've got it under control, especially in a premium place like where you are. Do you happen to know the story of the "Emperor and his new clothes?"

Regarding the "cruising" the undergrad point, I have the same feeling. The funny thing is that when we've achieved so much that we build a certain level of confidence over time. Then comes the expectation that a PhD would be breeze since we cruised through the undergrad. The things is phd is a lot lot different than undergrad studies (and we don't know that prior to taking up phd!). So we end up having very different expectations.

Hope you make the good decision. It would be nice to let us know.

Goodluck.

As others have said, most people get to this stage at least once, so you are not alone there. don't worry how others are doing, who knows if their stuff is easier- at the moment, or they are getting the answers they require or not - are they going to tell you? I doubt it. that's why this forum exists As far as the comments go, ignore them, some people just like to feel superior. if you want to go down the journal route get what, when and where sorted, go to your supervisor with this info and get her help to sort that out. go on holiday, have a break and relax a bit, then when you get back decide how you are going to move on. Get a plan for the rest of the 1.5 years prepared, you won't stick to it, but it will be a good start. There are always obstacles in the way, you have to learn to leap over them, and if you can't go over, get a shovel and tunnel your way through.