i had a really bad day yesterday, having been trashed by my supervisor and all. decided to put off my work for the evening, and then did the worst thing ever.. went thro my phone book catching up with friends, then i decided to call this guy a have a huge crash on. he asked how my day was and i just went on and on about my PhD blues.... managed to confuse him for a therapist perhaps... :-( before i knew it, i had been going on and on for half an hour or so....and he obviously noticed my NEGATIVE attitude syndrome... that comes up once in a while since beginning my phd.. used to be such a positive person, n i am most times... but do you find that your other halves understand what you're going thro or do they get overwhelmed? should we talk about our rubbish days with our other halves or should we leave that for postgraduateforum.com???

My boyf has a had time empathizing with what I do. He's not in academia - (works in the media) & is constantly under the assumption that I have a leisurely life, faffing about reading books and chatting in coffee shops with peculiar people who have limited social skills and are badly dressed. We're renovating our victorian house at the mo, so it is always down to me to wait in for contractors and builders etc. We used to argue about it, but it the end I have simply had to come to terms with it . When he asks me about my day I can see him glazing over, so I usually just give a synopsis. Sometimes it's freshing anyway to have another life & groups of friends loved ones who are totally out of the loop & don't want to discuss methodology etc...

oops mean hard time, not

My boyf has a had time empathizing

My boyfriend is sweet about everything and really tries to understand what I do and likes me explaining the science bits. But in my freak out moments where I get scared about the writing up part I don't think he thinks of it as any harder than just writing a report and sees it as I've got 4 years to do it so it can't be too bad.

Hangseng - good on you to have found such a person.. who can emphathise and all..

Pea n Katq - ya, i know what you mean, i did consider dropping out of a conference presentation and he just kept pushing.. you can do it sort of thing - like its just writing a b c d.., the deadline is coming up on Monday. in the last couple of days til i met my sup who trashed my thesis - to which the paper is related..and with all the reading to do by then.. ah well, i guess he's talked me into stickin it out - for the right or the wrong reasons - who knows.... only doing it to impress him don wanna look like i gave up..

am currently being driven by passion trying to live up to Mr. Positive's expectations.. let's see how it goes.

** hope he never finds this site. my biggest secret.

oops... typo : in the last couple of days, i was so motivated and the paper was going well, til i met my sup who trashed my thesis - to which the paper is related..and with all the reading to do by then..

My boy is very supportive and listens when I express my fears, reads what I have written and listens to my presentations countless times etc. We have been together a long time and met when we were doing our undergrad degrees (though he isn't in academia) and I have since completed my MA, so I think he just accepts it as being part of me and seems to be fine with it.

We did talk at length before I started as I knew I needed his emotional support and also it has postponed us from buying a house together. Luckily, he understands.

However, I have heard of men who don't want their girlfriends to do a PhD which I think is terrible. I suppose I'm lucky that my fella is man enough!

I think some of my friends have a difficult time understanding what I'm doing, which does annoy me.

My parents are the worst. They haven't once asked what I'm actually researching and when I try to tell them they don't even attempt to understand. I suppose it doesn't really matter to anyone else but it would be nice if people didn't just think "science PhD = geek"!

my mum is the one who never asks and even when i try to tell her about it she seems completely disinterested. i was surprised the other day to know that my dad knows the precise title of my thesis. he's become so interested that he's been asking after my drafts which he reads regularly. he events sends me conference details and papers or just newspaper articles.. i only wish my phd was going that well and i could keep up.

A friend asked me if I actually intended using 'Dr' (assuming I get there) and seemed surprised when I said yes.

hmm.... wonder why they would ask....

I'm the only one in the group doing a PhD and one of the few to whom being a Mrs isn't important. I think that some think it's akin to insisting my full name is followed by BA, MA at all times. The question responded to someone's comment that 'you'll never be a Mrs will you, because you'll be a Dr!'. My boyfs parents on the otherhand are overly excited about it which is quite nice - I had to tell his dad it won't make me a professor and he made me tell him all about my project in detail, which I did. He fell asleep soon after though!!

BTW Jojo, I hope that today was kinder to you. The peaks and troughs of research...

You poor poor, poor PhD students. How sad it is to shed constant tears of misery.

*sobs piteously*

I wish I had a boyfriend to cope with my PhD blues!

Seriously though, anybody I was with would need to understand the demands of a PhD and be willing to put up with 'funny turns' every time a piece of work is due or a supervision is iminent!

Of course they also have to be funny, caring, smart and attractive.

Demanding, moi?