Another negative thread from me - will there ever be a positive one?? My first conference paper is due in under two weeks and I just can't seem to get it together. I don't yet fully understand the process that I am supposed to be writing about and literature on it is few and far between as it's of an interdisciplinary nature and a relatively new area. So I'm trying to piece together information from two disciplines in which I have no background and my brain has been in panic mode for the last two weeks. It's ridiculous - I haven't been able to work because everytime I try, my stomach ends up in knots, my heart races and so I can't concentrate at all. I've been doing alot of exercise to try to keep the nerves at bay but unfortunately this isn't working. I don't think I'm cut out for this at all. I just want to get this over with but it shouldn't be such a big deal.

I felt exactly the same yesterday.  I just could not focus my thoughts, i felt like i had no structure; no clue about my field and no motivation. Endless stress.

I realised the cause of the problem for me was sitting at the SAME desk, in the SAME office, at the SAME time as the day before, drinking from the SAME coffee mug, looking at the SAME screen, working on the SAME word document, interacting with the SAME people (and so on...).  The SAMEiness was bunging up my thoughts.

Today, i broke up the routine a bit.  I spent the morning sitting outside on the grass brainstorming ideas with a pen and paper. I haven't worked like that in ages. 

Before i knew it, the ideas started to flow a bit better and i have 'direction' today. I'm still quite stressed today, the problems haven't magically disappeared overnight, but i feel a bit more like myself.  And despite the stress, that's a good feeling.

Perhaps you should try a change of scenery to help gather your thoughts?

Hope you get your mojo back soon :-)

Oh, EV, I’ve been there so many times. In fact I’m struggling with a similar thing right now. I know how hard it is when you’re desperately trying to piece things together to make an argument. I agree with Sim’s ideas, changing location can really help sometimes, as well as switching from working on a pc to pen and paper or vice versa. Can you incorporate the difficulties you’ve been having into your paper somehow? What I mean is, instead of trying to create a completely integrated paper in the next 2 weeks could you present it as a series of observations and talk about some of the benefits and difficulties of the research you’re undertaking? Some of the best papers I’ve heard have been like this as audiences can really engage with them and you might get some genuinely useful feedback.
Either way, definitely take some pressure of yourself and don’t think of it as trying to write the world’s best conference paper.

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Hey Ev! I feel your pain- I have my first proper conference presentation next week and am also busy stressing about it! I would second what has already been said- perhaps part of your presentation could actually be about the difficulty involved with drawing the two disciplines together. One of the theoretical papers which I have submitted for publication basically documents the difficulties with trying to draw different theories together, whilst also highlighting the bits that can be integrated, so I don't think there's any harm in taking that approach. A pal of mine is just this week presenting at an international conference where she's highlighting the progress and the difficulties with integrating research from different backgrounds/disciplines. So do your best- maybe you could compose a list of bits that do fit together and those that don't seem to- and bear in mind that because it is in a relatively new area, hopefully there won't be too many well-established experts on your subject at the conference! Best of luck with it, KB

Thanks all for the advice. Unfortunately, I still haven't made any progress and now feel even worse if that's possible. I have done absolutely nothing productive. All I do these days is hide at home in my pyjamas, constantly checking my e-mail in the fear that my supervisor is looking for me. I have spent the last 5 days trying to force myself to work but I just can't. I'm starting to think this is a bit more than just nerves about the paper. I don't know what to do. I don't want to go into the office because I'm constantly looking over my shoulder to see if my supervisor is there. It sounds pathetic but I am so ashamed by the complete lack of progress I have made that I don't want to have to admit it. It's not even a big deal this paper but it has just made me realise that I really am in over my head. I am going to try to leave the house now and work for a couple of hours in the local library.

I think you need to get professional help. This sounds quite serious. You need to face up to your supervisor as well, and be honest about the stumbling block. There's nothing wrong with saying you're stuck and could do with some more pointers. But if you're being paralysed to staying in the house etc. you should probably speak to your GP and/or a counsellor to find a way forward.

Ev - I've been in the same situation, especially the supervisor fear. I think Bilbo is right - even if its to pour your heart out to nearest and dearest, you need to get it off your chest to someone, so you can move forward.

Feel free to PM me :-)

You're sending yourself on a downward spiral here Ev (speaking as one who is finally coming out of her own), you need to break through all this guilt and anxiety before it drags you further. My suggestions - feel free to ignore them - are as follows:

I agree with the others, speak to your GP/a counsellor, get some support from them. Also, email your supervisor. I know this sounds scary, but the only way to get a break from your fear is to pre-empt it. Send a brief email and just say something like "I've not been that well so am behind schedule, am seeing the Doc and hope to be back on track soon. I just wanted to keep you informed and will let you know if I need assistance on anything." I did this after months of severe procrastination/failure/terror, and it was immediately a big weight off my mind as I was no longer trying to hide or run from anything. Plus, my supervisors were actually very supportive.

Next, take a few days off. I know this is the last thing you think you need after being unproductive, but you haven't been having a break, you've been more stressed than someone working a 90-hour week. So give yourself at least few "official" days to feel better, don't think about work, don't check email, don't criticise or worry, be nice to yourself. Then, when you come back, have a think about what's standing in your way, what you might be able to get help with, what you might need to drop. If possible do this with a supportive friend/colleague who can give you a reality check on your fears and keep you focused on the task rather than the panic it provokes.

If you can look into calming practices such as yoga or meditation, I would. I've found them a great help. Most of all, please please try to stop blaming and berating yourself Ev, this is such a huge part of what's causing your problem! I know it's scary and that you'll instinctively give yourself a hard time, trying to harass yourself into work. But you're not working because you're overwhelmed and scared, piling more stress on top of that is never going to help you. Ironically, at times like this the sooner we cut ourselves some slack, the sooner we can recover and move forward.

Thanks everyone for the support. I've re-read your comments quite a few times and have taken some of the advice. I spoke to a colleague about the way I was feeling. Now normally this colleague is quite dismissive and doesn't like to talk about emotions etc but this time I think he realised that I really needed to talk to somebody and was actually really great. We had a coffee, chatted about some unrelated stuff first - the world cup, the weather... Then he asked how I was getting on with my paper and it all came out! He made me realise that my expectations of what I'm trying to produce are unrealistic - he has plenty of conference experience, whereas I have none. So I'm a little less daunted by the prospect.
My supervisor e-mailed on a un-related matter so I replied and added said something along the lines of - the paper is taking much longer to produce that I originally expected but that I would try to have a draft in a couple of days. She was really great and said that it's always difficult and that if I can just produce a draft she'll take a look at it. I didn't take any time off though which I do regret but I don't think I would have been able to relax anyway. So I did have a couple more procrastination days. But today, I am in the office, feeling a little better and want to have a draft by tomorrow night. Does anyone think that this is doable?

Hey Ev,
I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better :-) and that you found a nice colleague to chat to. Hope you're able to keep that perspective and not stress yourself out too much. Did you get anywhere with the draft?

Thanks Teek! I managed to produce what I thought was a very dodgy draft but following comments today it doesn't seem to be that awful - just flesh out that a bit, go into more detail - there's alot more writing to be done (need approximately double what I've written already) but I think I can do it now considering that after all my panicking and procrastination I got what I did together in 2 days. It feels really great not to be in hiding anymore :-)

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Hey Ev, glad to hear that things are picking up for you and that you are getting there with the work. I have been having a difficult time recently, but I have just had a fortnight off (well- with a conference in the middle for 3 days, so a week and a half I guess!) and I feel so much better for it. I wasn't planning to take any time off but reached breaking point a few weeks ago- believe me, time off really does help. All I did was have lie-ins, see friends, go to the gym, read (non-academic) books etc, and I have come back completely re-energized! I know it can be hard to find enough time to take time off, but if you can find a week it might really help- it sounds as though you are burnt out and need to put your feet up once this conference is done and dusted! Best, KB

Edited just to add- it was my first proper conference last week too, it really wasn't so scary! It was a really friendly conference and it was actually quite nice just to be away from the desk and have a change of scene. So fingers crossed for you :)