Hi everyone! I am in my second year and I am thinking of changing supervisor. The reason is that since from the start of my PhD, I see him more like a man than a supervisor and this affects my progress quite a lot (I think of him a lot,I think of what I will wear, how I will talk/sit/smile etc). On the other hand, my research goes really well, because apart from my intrinsic motivation on the subject I also want to impress him intellectually. Has anyone felt like that? Do you think it is an unhealthy work relationship?

Or any advice on how to stop feeling like this?

Welcome to the board Athina.

I have three male supervisors so I don't spend too much time worrying how I look in front of them. That said, I do like to sound like I know what I'm doing!

I'm sure the other members will be able to help though.

wow! this is a tough one athina.

i need to think about this one before i reply.

It sounds like you are doing well but also that you have a bit of a crush on him. As long as you NEVER EVER attempt to take things further, nothing will go wrong

Thanks guys for your replies. The thing is that day after day, I think of him more and more and I am afraid that it has started to get obvious. I am afraid that soon my behavior and body language will betray me (I blush when he gives me a compliment and my tone of voice, expression etc changes when he suggests that we do something together-e.g. attend a conference). It is really a torture; sometimes I wish he knew...

My question is ... if he were to criticise your work how would you feel? is the way you feel about him going to make the criticisms even harder to take? will it affect you on a much more emotional level? could you cope with these emotions and recognise that he is saying these things as your "supervisor" and not as someone else? and that these criticisms are part of a normal supervisor-student interactions and not a criticism of you on a much more personal level?

Thats a really good point Jewel. No, I take all of his criticism personally because of my interest to impress him on every possible level. His comments affect me a lot, I think about our meetings, I recall his words (The funny thing is that he has asked me to record our meetings so this doesnt make things any better) and in general he is in my mind 24/7. My project goes really well but psychologically I feel very tired of all this. I dont know what to do... I can't continue like this...

You need to find someone else to focus your attentions on, someone who is NOT your supervisor.

I find everything I always admired in him. He is only 33 and almost a professor, very intelligent, very ambitious, very handsome, very "gentleman", very humorous... and very helpful and supportive as a supervisor!

Athina

I think you are treading into dangerous water. In some universities, having a relationship with a lecturer or supervisor is a sackable offence as well as being unprofessional.

You can't help how you feel, so I do advise that you find another supervisor.

I remember an occasion when my friend was going out with her PhD supervisor, she later became pregnant ( yes the supervisor is the father), but the PhD group felt a little uncomfortable, because she was getting more help than them as well as passing her PhD viva with flying colours (No corrrections) The group believed he wrote the thesis for her

Just be careful!!

( hey! you are describing me ... in 9 years time! :D )

this problem is running through my head in circles at the moment and i can't think of any simple answers.

if you carry on, you are going to have to have to deal with these emotions until (hopefully) someone else comes along that you can focus on. finding that someone though is not going to be easy - especially if in your mind you have already found the perfect man.

changing supervisor is not easy either. reasons have to be given. your supervisor is likely to be surprised that you want to change since you've been working together so well and is likely to make a serious effort to find out what the problem is and persuade you to stay. at some stage, the truth may have to come out, and this may cause some embarassment all round.

wish i could offer you a solution but all i can think of is just "ifs" and "maybes" at the moment ... :(

Thank you very much for your replies! I know that if I change supervisor I will have to tell him the reason In the past I tried to change supervisor telling him that I want to continue my reserach in an area that is closer to the research interests of another member of the department but he did everything to keep me under HIS supervision. We have a very good work relationship and he seems to like me as a student/person, which makes things even more difficult because he is very open with me and very enthusiastic.

Athina. What a lovely Greek name you have. Anyway back to reality. I'm not sure I'm the best to give advice on this given my thread on this same page, but your supervisor is in a position of trust (so to speak) so might be seen to be abusing his position. That said, what you say is not uncommon and I'm not aware of it being a sackable offence so long as the relationship is known about by the powers that be. I do think you have an awful lot to lose though. If you didn't have a professional relationship that would be different. But what do I know, I'm not thinking straight.

DanB is right - most universities will allow a personal relationship, but only if it is declared openly to the department and the lecturer has nothing whatsoever to do with the marking of your work. They are often allowed to teach you, but with a PhD it is unlikely that they will allow you any further 'professional' contact.

It depends how strong your feelings are, but I would say that asking for a transfer of supervisor on the basis that you fancy the one you have is not likely to be looked on favourably. You will have to give a better reason