Hi everyone

I'm just here for a bit of support really and reassurance that I'm not going mad! I'm into the second term of the Phd and have a board soon and a paper to submit and I'm feeling totally out of my depth and that I just can't do this! Its stupid really, I can, I have the first class BA, the distinction at MA I should have confidence in myself but I'm feeling thick, I feel like I'm not doing enough, that I'm going to flunk this big time and that I'll let down my dept, my family and myself. Everyone else sounds so much more 'academic' and knowledgeable.

Is it normal to feel like this at this stage? The thought of the board and writing a lit review is terrifying me - that I'll miss out some key texts and they'll think I'm an idiot and they're wasting their funding. I just don't know how to approach it really and its so so hard to keep going - this phd business is so lonely. I miss the camaraderie (?sp) of the BA and the MA - there isn't anyone else in the dept at my level or doing anything like me to sound off of, its just all a bit much right now.

Sorry to moan, I just genuinely don't seem to have anywhere else to turn where people might understand

Thanks x

You are not going mad, and it's perfectly normal to feel like this, after a month, two months, a term, a year, two years and even when you are about to submit, if posts on this forum are anything to go by. If you search through some of the previous threads, you will see that this is a common worry. Try looking for the Imposter Syndrome.

Amanda ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((huge hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are not going to do well. You are not going to do very well.

You are going to ROCK THEIR SOCKS OFF.

I mean it, you are dedicated, committed, have a great record of academic excellence and I can make out over the months, totally passionate about your field and topic. See, you are committed enough for me to remember that:

1. You are a student of history, who has to access databases and census stuff
2. who has discovered flaws in old research
3. who has convinced a god supervisor of the novelty of her project
4. Who has been reading very well.
5. Who has already done a pilot thats proved some people wrong.


NOW GO GET THEM.

Aww gosh, i meant GOOD!!!!

Thankyou so much, its really reassuring and thanks bug for your lovely words xx

======= Date Modified 06 Jan 2009 11:46:15 =======
I was so feeling everything you mention. I miss BA -MA banter and it can feel very lonely.

I shifted from my first year to second year over the summer and before my panel meeting I was 'BRICKING IT'. As I sat outside I felt like I was waiting for results on a serious medical condition as I could here the panel whispering inside the room. I so very much wanted to get up and leave and not look back. I felt as if I had nothing to offer and actually they were going to laugh at me. But it went OK and they were fine, which I'm sure you will be!

I think the first year is tough as your not really certain what your doing is right.

You can do this - you have proved it with your BA and MA!

Good luck!

:-)

======= Date Modified 06 Jan 2009 11:52:39 =======
Have this kind of days more often than not. The thing that I would say coming to the last leg of my PhD is that keep these feeling aside as you never kind of get over them, stop thinking about the actual outcome (will be good/bad) and just write! anything for that matter. You are on the upper level when it comes to qualifications, so just use it to your advantage. Just don't let the quality of the outcome worry you too much before you have actually put it on paper on computer for that matter. Good luck keep dancing...oops keep writing! 8-)

Totally agree with Sheena. I'm in the same situation in the last stretch and still have those ups and downs. Maybe after completion they disappear for ever!!

Stressed, don't worry about missing out texts from your lit review, you can't read everything, especially at the start of a PhD and if you do, then you can add them later. As long as you've got the main arguments that'll be ok. You're so early on in your PhD that you're bound to rewrite it over the years anyway, it's part of the process. I'm rewriting my lit review at the moment and it's so tedious, I just can't get excited about it, but I totally see what's wrong or missing from my earlier version as it's so old now and my thinking's moved on so much since then and needs new material. Try to see it as part of a long process where you're learning by doing, instead of trying to make every piece you write be the final word on the subject and something that has to be perfect every time.

Oh yes, and don't compare yourself to others either - it's *really* deadly if you're having a confidence dip at the time. You sound well up to the PhD task anyway, from your other academic results and what Phdbug has said. Plod on! (up)

Thanks so much. I'm not sure whether to be relieved or depressed though that I'll most likely feel this way for the next 3-4 years! I guess as you have all managed it I'll get through it, I'm just on such a downer atm, not sure why, I'm just feeling totally out of my depth and scared - again, not sure why - I'm just finding it hard to keep up and feel like its beyond me. Plus I had a major one of those 'wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat' moments the other night thinking why the heck am I doing this? What possible good is it going to do, what's the point, its not like I'm finding a cure for cancer or anything :-( I know that that isn't the point but it kind of threw me - I guess I'm just getting sick of people looking at me like I'm some of kind of geek/loser when i say what my major is and one 'friend' uttered the immortal - what's the point of that then, you should get a job - totally gutting. I'm also, as I'm sure I'm not alone, getting a bit fed up with people saying 'oh but you won't be a "real" doctor though' - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...... I half look forward to being on a plane in a few years and answering the 'is there a doctor on board' with a resounding YES and then soothing the unfortunate passenger with a review of the recent literature in my subject lol.(up)

I'll push on and try and get this all sorted, its just you know how to do an essay, I'm not sure I know how to do all this - sigh

We joke about the request for a Dr on board a flight and raising my arm. Yes, Dr here but can only help if its Mickey Mouse! (research is animation). May get you an upgrade though! (up)

I'd rather not be a 'proper' Dr, as I couldn't bear people to start telling me about all their ailments, which is what my sister's GP friend always used to get when he was off-duty or out socialising.

I don't know whether there is some magic solution for increasing your motivation when you're in a dip though, other than to tell yourself that the slump will pass and that you basically really like what you're doing, so it should be worth it. As long as you do enjoy it on the whole, get good feedback and add other little milestones and successes as you continue to boost your confidence then you should be able to weather the bad patches ok.

Hi Stressed, possibly a bit nosey to ask, but why do people think you're a geek loser when they find out your subject??? Don't say if it compromises your anonymity obviously, but am just curious - I was trying to guess, but I can't!!

======= Date Modified 06 Jan 2009 18:08:37 =======
Lol, its ok, I'm a historian, well, I keep being told I'm one but still feel like a wannabe! People hear science or whatever and go ooooh (maybe still the geek part though lol but a useful one) but they hear 'history' and either glaze straight over or wonder why I'd do that, or assume I'm an expert on all time periods and try to test me and find out the era I cover and go blank lol - they also tend to assume that I'd automically be studying the roman empire or henry VIII!

Well, that sounds a very interesting mixture to me!! People's reactions are strange though, there's something quite fascinating about stereotypes, they throw up some good research questions sometimes.